Skies
by Avdal
Summary: Too much sun can make a person do some strange things. Like picking up a handsome hitchhiker who's alone out in the desert and offering him a lift into town.
1. NM Highway 82 West

Rey had grown up in the desert, but she'd never seen one this beautiful. It was endless. It was unbearably hot. And it was perfect.

The Land of Enchantment. She had taken a selfie with the sign at the state border. As soon as she had seen the faded sheet of painted metal, decorated with a chilli pepper and the constellation of bulletholes that seemed almost like a prerequisite now, she'd fallen in love.

That's how she finds herself here, in southern New Mexico in July. She's immediately smitten, despite it being so damn _hot_.

The beater car she'd bought on the cheap is starting to act up. The engine temperature keeps flickering towards overheating but turning off the air conditioning isn't an option. At all.

So instead she just pulls over frequently to rest it. Lets the car idle and fans herself with one of the gossip mags she'd bought at a very colorful and tiny convenience store that morning. Those, along with a dozen quart bottles of water, some junk food, and the required amounts of Tequila that she'd randomly developed a taste for.

Running away from her home had been stupid. Her friends had encouraged her. "Go out and see the world," they'd say to her.

Except then she went and did just that. Suddenly they changed their mind and started blowing up her phone, telling her how worried they were. Apparently "seeing the world" hadn't extended as far as hopping on a plane, almost broke, and then bumming around the United States on an expired visa.

She was having a great time. That doesn't mean it's been easy. Every time a police car passes her heart flops in her throat. But so far they've just stopped to see if she needed help. Only one had asked for her ID and thought her British driver's license was "a hell of a thing". Whatever that meant. But no further questions and no problems.

Rey knows that she won't always be so lucky. One day her recklessness will catch up to her and get her into one hell of a lot of trouble. And that's what brought her here, to New Mexico. To a place in the desert so remote that it could very well be listed in the dictionary under "middle of nowhere".

This was also where she first saw _him_. A stranger, strange in more ways than one, all by himself on a lonely stretch of westbound Highway 82. Between one town to the east that was barely fit to be called a town, and the city of Alamogordo where Rey had been hoping to get her engine looked at.

The stranger was an incredibly tall, dark haired hitchhiker. Dressed ridiculously in black jeans and a matching hoodie. Scowling in the small amount of shade cast from a rocky spire next to the road. How he hadn't collapsed on a day this scorchingly hot was beyond her.

She had slowed down when she saw him appear at the horizon. Wondering if he was nothing more than a sun-induced mirage on the edge of the blacktop. He almost looked like exactly that. A flickering dark shape that was so out of place that it just couldn't be really real.

Then he'd raised his hand, thumb up. She hadn't seen a single other car since early morning. There weren't even supposed to be any houses or towns out here.

The stranger takes a step out of his shade. Stands next to the white line. She realizes that she had kept slowing down as she was staring at him.

 _Okay, no_. Single women don't pick up hitchhikers. Everyone knows that and tells her that. Especially monstrously tall, young male hitchhikers. Dressed like that. In the middle of nowhere.

With a pained expression, she waves to him in an apology. That was shitty of her, she shouldn't have slowed down like that and gotten his hopes up.

The stranger watches her. She can't bring herself to look at him. Instead, she swerves around him into the other lane and speeds up. Sees him in her rear view mirror step out into the middle of the road. Stand there watching her as they both get smaller on each other's horizons.

A few minutes go by. That was very strange and... kind of creepy, honestly. She tries not to think about it.

And then she starts to feel really bad about it.

Maybe he'd been in an accident and was stranded out there? Or... or needed help with something else?

But then wouldn't he have, like, tried to flag her down more? Looked more desperate? Not just broodily stare at her.

She should have asked him if he needs her to call someone or get some help. At the very least she could have given him some water. If nobody else comes by he might _actually_ die out there. On a day like today and dressed like that.

Rey sighs, pulling her car onto the side of the road. The highway ahead of her is made of a narrow twist of black lines where the pavement has cracked under the intense heat. The terrain is starting to climb in elevation but _goddamn_ is it still hot.

She unlocks her seatbelt and twists halfway into the back. Grabs four of the bottles of water and a little thing of fruit and nut mix. Dumps them in a grocery bag on the passenger side and strums her fingers against the steering wheel.

113 degrees. That's what the temperature on the dashboard says. Hotter than hot. It hasn't really changed even as she started ascending into the mountains. And the engine temperature had been edging a little over the safe zone but now the gauge has gone right back to the middle.

Maybe it's a sign. Do a good deed or do unto others or something along those lines. Gods know that she could use some good karma for when her luck finally runs out. That, and it's just the _right_ thing to do.

That's the thought that settles it for her. Sticks to her conscience until she has no choice but to turn the car around. It's only a few miles back. She still hasn't seen anyone else on the road in either direction.

So she goes back. But the stranger is gone when she gets there.

She had locked the doors when she had gotten close to that rock spire. Had planned on handing him his survival kit through a quarter-opened window. Instead all she finds is an empty space next to the rocks.

Confused, she slows down and pulls off onto the shoulder. In those few short minutes since she'd gone past the sun had shifted and the shade is now gone.

Maybe he was nearby, hiding out under a tree or somewhere else where he could still see the road? It's possible, except that all the trees here are short junipers and you'd think a black behemoth shape like he was would stand out.

A few minutes go by as she lets the car idle. Cooling down the engine again while she waits. Then she honks the horn a few times. Maybe he'd gone further away from the road? Was she wrong and there actually were some houses out here somewhere?

Five minutes and still nothing. There's a scuffed area in the gravel at the base of the rock where she had last seen him standing. The faint outline of footprints in the looser silt. It's the only proof she has that he wasn't just some sun-addled hallucination.

If she was a really, r _eally_ good person... maybe she could follow the prints and make sure he didn't wander off into the hills and collapse.

She's not that good of a person. The guy was creepy and it's too hot to even think about leaving her cocoon o cool air. However, if she sees a forest ranger or benevolent looking policeman, she'll tell them. Do at least that much.

Disquieted but out of acceptable options, Rey pulls her car away slowly. Scanning both near and far on each side of the road. Seeing nothing but rolling sandy hills and junipers.

The rock spire gets smaller in the rear mirror again. For a second she thinks she sees that dark shape on the horizon. She slams the brakes. The shape flickers and melts into the road. This time it really was just a mirage from the heat.

* * *

Her beater car isn't going to make it all way to Alamogordo. And now she's really in a mess.

It had started limping hard as the highway rose up into the mountains. Engine temperature spiking and knocking like it's got a gas tank of water even though it doesn't.

Rey has to pull over all the time now, barely making it a mile between cooldowns. She even has to turn down -but not completely off- the air conditioning. Her GPS tells her she's at just over 8,000ft and it's 78 degrees. It still _feels_ much hotter than that. The sunlight is just insane over here. There's no other place quite like it.

Another miserable hour passes before she reaches a plateau. It's late afternoon now and the road is splitting off into two directions. There's a bigger town 40 miles to the north but she doubts she can make it that far. A faded sign straight ahead tells her "Cloudcroft 6 miles".

She doesn't want to risk breaking down and getting caught out here in the night. It's almost guaranteed to attract attention that she doesn't want.

So she goes straight.

And she sees him again. That same tall man in black. Thumb in the air, watching the only car on the road as it approaches him.

This time he's taken off his hoodie. Has a black T-shirt on under it. And just what kind of weirdo is he? Maybe having everything the same color makes getting dressed easier or something, she muses.

Despite knowing better, she starts slowing down. Still feeling guilty about before and now oddly compelled to offer her help. She pulls over after double checking that all the doors are locked. Opens the window a fraction and calls out.

"Hey?"

It's a dumb thing to say. She could at least have gone with hello or something less juvenile.

The man stares at her for a few seconds. Then pushes away from the pine tree he'd been leaning on. Walks a little closer. He looks tired and she can see a faint scar across his face. It makes her feel bad. Looking a crazy mess like that must have made getting a ride even harder.

"Hello."

"I saw you earlier," she tells him. "A couple of miles back. I'm sorry I didn't stop."

He stares at her. A long moment of increasingly awkward silence passes. She glances at the locks for the third time. Twiddles her fingers on the steering wheel.

"Why didn't you?" he finally asks. Such an odd, low voice that he has.

"Um..." She probably should lie. Definitely should lie.

"I was having car problems. I didn't want to pick you up only to have us break down in a few minutes." A half-truth. Those are the best kind of lies.

The man frowns. Then nods.

"We saw you pulled over. I asked him to stop but he didn't want to."

He tosses his jacket over his shoulder, looks up the road. He doesn't seem quite as scary now that she's seeing him up close. He still kind of is, though.

"He?" Rey asks.

"The guy who gave me a lift. We saw your car pulled over but you looked like you were taking a nap. He didn't want to stop and bother you."

 _Oh._

Well, she _had_ taken a short catnap during one of her engine breaks. It must have only been for a minute or two, but that explains how he beat her up to here.

"So he just dropped you off again?"

"He was going north," He gestures to the side road behind them with a tilt of his head. "I'm heading west. Just like you are."

The stranger leaves the words hanging in the air. Rey fidgets again. Torn between a bad idea and a selfish act. It's... only six miles to town. She can be a good Samaritan and take him there.

"Do you, uh, know this area at all?" she asks.

He shrugs.

"I need a mechanic to look at my car. Do you know if there's one in town?"

He shifts from side to side, looking enormous, still kind of creepy, and hopeful.

"Yeah," he says. "At least there was one last time I was here. It's off the main street, though. Would be hard for you to find."

And the man's subtle, too. But her GPS hadn't listed any mechanics anywhere nearby so...

She sighs. Bites the bullet. "Would you... like a ride into town? I won't be able to take you any further but-"

"That's fine," he interrupts her. "I mean, that will be fine." He shrugs again. She realizes he's hunching over ever so faintly. Like he's trying to make himself look smaller and less imposing.

"Sure. Maybe you can find someone else to give you a lift from there."

He nods. Pulls on the door handle. It snaps and does nothing. He almost looks offended for a second, then hides it.

"Uh, sorry. I forgot." Rey presses the unlock button. He gives her an unreadable expression than gets in. Has to slouch so his head doesn't brush against the roof.

She puts the car into gear and they start driving. He's very quiet and spends most of his time looking at his shoes. The silence makes Rey even more uncomfortable.

So she starts talking to fill the space between them. Rattling off what she thinks is wrong with the engine. All the ways she could fix it herself if she only had the right tools. But of course she didn't take them with her and now she has to waste her money getting someone else to do it for her.

The stranger perks up after a while. Starts asking her a few questions. Questions about her accent and what she's doing way out here. He agrees about the middle of nowhere part. She doesn't ask him why he's here. Neither of them asks each other's names.

They have to stop again outside of the town to cool the engine. He asks if he can have a drink of water and she gives him one of the bottles by his feet. He seems grateful. Maybe he's not so bad after all. It can't be easy hitchhiking through the desert when you look like he does. Nobody's ever going to want to stop.

The car makes it into town. Barely.

The stranger directs her to a garage three blocks off the main street and behind a Family Dollar. She lets him keep the bottle of water and gives him another "for the road". They part ways with a thanks and a wave.

* * *

It takes a while to find the mechanic. No one was in the garage or opened the door when Rey had knocked at the office. She eventually asks at the store and the disinterested teenager there says that's her dad's shop. Calls him up and tells her to go to the blue house behind the garage.

Rey's pretty sure the mechanic's drunk when she knocks on the matching blue door. Or at least he sure acts like it. The middle aged man who answers is friendly enough, though, but slurring his words slightly. He says she'll have to come back tomorrow.

"Do you think I can make it to Alamogordo like this?" Rey asks him.

They're standing out in his driveway. He's bent over the open hood and she's clinging to the edges of the shade. It's getting cooler as the evening approaches, especially at this altitude. Cloudcroft is actually a pretty appropriate name, even the air is thinner here. But despite that she can still feel a sunburn start. It's that New Mexican sun... it's just indescribable.

He pushes away. Looks skeptically at the engine and back to her. She likes him, even if he's drunk at this time of day. A man who doesn't ask too many questions can be forgiven for a lot.

"Doubt it," he says, fiddling with one of the connectors. "You said it's been getting worse?"

She nods. "Very quickly. Much worse since this morning."

"Then I wouldn't risk it. Alamo's all the way down in the basin. You've got to get off these mountains first. Takes me a few hours. It'd take you all day on this engine."

"If I even make it there."

"If you even make it there."

Rey sighs. Then explains her financial issues to him. Says she's handy with fixing things.

They strike an agreement that she'll come by tomorrow. She'll help him out with some of the other jobs that he's got lined up. Then he'll make her a good deal on fixing her engine. At least enough to get her a few hundred more miles.

He tells her about a hotel nearby. She smiles and thanks him. Pretends to drive off in the direction he'd pointed to.

Then she circles back and heads out towards the forest to the south. Gods bless these Americans and their free camping in the national forests. Without that she'd have been sleeping in her car every night for the last six months.

* * *

Outside of the town, on a narrow paved road to some place called Sunspot, she meets _him_ again.

She had stopped at the local Ranger Station to fill up her large 20 gallon water cooler she'd stolen from a Walmart a few weeks back. The main office had been closed, but she'd went into their vestibule to get some maps of the area. By the time she gets back to her car, the Stranger in Black is standing next to it.

She freezes mid-step. Drops one of the maps onto the sidewalk. Stranger in Black turns to her.

He smiles warmly at her. "We've got to stop meeting like this," he jokes. Then his smile fades as he takes in her frown. "I'm not stalking you. I swear."

That does nothing to convince her. This is starting to go beyond just mere coincidence.

His shoulders slump and he steps away from her car. Steps sideways, neither closer or further from her. It takes Rey a moment to find her voice.

"What are you doing here?" she asks. "I thought you were heading west?"

He looks down at the ground. Sticks his hands in his pockets.

"Tried to. But no one was around. Anywhere. You're the only one I've seen driving out of town."

That's very true. No one was around. They were alone in this parking lot together. A fact that Rey is suddenly acutely aware of.

"This isn't the main road out. This goes to some little town and dead ends." She doesn't want to sound like she's making an accusation, but...

"I was... going to sleep out. Tonight. I heard there's a hotel in town but I can't afford it so... I'll just sleep out."

He's choosing his words very carefully. She looks him over. Not a single piece of luggage on. Just his hoodie.

"It's over 9,000ft here. I think it's going to get pretty cold tonight," she tells him.

He nods. Then swallows, his Adam's apple bobbing with the movement. "It always does out in the desert. Temperature plummets at night."

Both of them stay rooted to the spot. He stares at her. When it starts to make her visibly uncomfortable he nods again, returns his gaze to the ground. Hunches that little bit like he did before.

"You didn't get your car fixed?"

Rey blinks at the sudden change of subject. "Not yet. The place was closed."

"Oh. Okay."

The silence comes back. Rey scowls at him deliberately this time. Hoping that the Stranger in Black takes the hint. He doesn't.

She sighs. "I need to get going. Could you... Um... Well, good luck with sleeping out tonight."

She takes a few steps closer to her car. He stays right where he is, standing forlornly next to the rear door.

When she gets to him and he still doesn't move, she opens the drivers door and tries to get in. He stops her with a featherlight tap on her shoulder.

There's nothing threatening in the gesture, at least not beyond the context of the situation. Still, her arm jumps and she has to fight the impulse to recoil. The creepy stranger just _touched_ her. He shouldn't have done that, even if it was only for a microsecond. Her heart begins to race and she struggles to come up with some appropriate objection but she's having a hard time thinking.

"Hey?" he says, repeating the first word she had ever said to him. "Thanks for giving me a lift into town."

She wants to say "you're welcome" and get in. Drive off and find an extra, super hidden nook in the woods to set up her tent.

But she finds that she can't. It's like she's frozen to the spot. He's staring at her intensely now. Leaning towards her slightly.

Then he touches her shoulder again. Pats it twice and holds it under his palm. Never breaking their eye contact. "Why don't you take me with you."

It's not a question. Rey's head feels muggy. Almost as if she's having an out of body experience. But his suggestion actually seems like a great idea. A perfect idea, in fact.

"Why don't you come with me?" she asks. Her voice sounds strange to her own ears.

"We can find a place in the forest and camp tonight."

That's an even better idea.

"We can camp together. I have a tent. You'll be cold in the forest without one."

"I can sleep in the car. You _won't_ feel uncomfortable if I do that."

"You can sleep in my car, if that would make you more comfortable?"

Everything makes perfect sense. Rey holds her breath, hoping that he'll say yes to her offer. He smiles.

"Okay." He lets go of her shoulder.

She leans against the door frame, blinking. Feeling lightheaded. She must not have eaten enough today or all the sun finally got to her after all.

The stranger walks around the car and gets in the passenger's seat. "Let's get going. Make camp before it gets too dark," he says, looking cheerful once again.

Rey sits down in the driver's seat. Puts the keys in the lock and shakes her head, trying to clear the fog from it.

"Are you ready to go?" she asks, putting on her seatbelt. He does the same. "We should find a campsite before it gets dark."

The stranger smiles at her. Nods. She puts the car in reverse and he helps her back up out of the narrow parking lot without hitting anything.

"We should find some place private," he tells her as she turns onto the main road and starts heading out of town. She's starting to feel a little better. "There might be a lot of other tourists around. It's the middle of summer and all..."

Great point. She hadn't seen any tourists all day, but... great point.

"That sounds good. I don't really like other people too much."

He looks at her from the corner of his eye. "Me neither. Most people. Some are okay."

She nods. "I hope so."


	2. Yes, No, Yes, No

Summary:

Day two for the unlikely duo. Our heroine is determined to find a way shake off her new travel companion. Of course said companion is having absolutely none of that.  
And they still need to get that damn engine fixed at some point.

* * *

Rey woke up with the dawn.

It was cold, and the pale light from outside gave everything an eerie, almost otherworldly glow. For several minutes she just stares up at the ceiling of her tent. Watches the shadows cast by the branches above her flicker with the breeze.

Something is off. She feels strange. Very confused and trying to put together-

She sits up abruptly as the events from the day before come flooding back. _How_ could she have forgotten even for a moment? Seeing him, then meeting him, then... why the hell did she let him into her car? Taken him here with her?

Wait... where is _here_?

Only bits and flashes of the evening come back to her. She remembers feeling very faint. Unwell and with her head in a fog. It doesn't anymore, at least. But her memories are scattered. Huge gaps in what she can recall that only seem to move further away when she tries to reach out to them.

If she really concentrates, she can barely remember pulling out from the station with her new passenger. Then seeing flashes of trees illuminated by her headlights. It hadn't been dark when they'd left. They must have been driving for a while.

It's scary. Genuinely frightening to just not be able to _remember more_.

Physically, at least, she feels fine now. Enough to know that she wasn't... compromised in any way. But just having a total blackout like this-

Footsteps come from outside, interrupting her thoughts. If she squints she can almost make out a shadow moving in the near distance.

She holds her breath. The footsteps come closer.

Should she do something? Most likely it's _him_. But he hasn't done anything to hurt her. Or at least she doesn't think so. The scream building up in her throat seems excessive and unnecessary

The footsteps stop. The quiet extends into full silence. She's afraid to move, or even breathe too hard. Do anything that might give away that she's awake.

Seconds go by. Then she thinks she can hear a sigh. The footsteps start to move away. The shadow glides past, silhouetted by the first ray of sunlight and projected larger than life against the wall of her tent.

Rey waits another minute. Motionless and listening. Then decides this is ridiculous and crawls out of her sleeping bag.

* * *

It's so beautiful here.

When Rey gets out she remembers pulling into this spot. Her memory gets jogged by the tall spiraling trees and the rockslide in the near distance. This spot was some distance down a dirt road. Her beater car had trouble making it over some of the bumps.

She can't believe she was driving on a road like this in such a disoriented state. If any police had been around they would have pulled her over and thought she was drunk. But still, they made it here. Somehow.

Rey also remembers not feeling well. Or at least saying that she wasn't feeling well. She'd lied about it, said she was tired. She'd really just wanted to get away from him. He'd seemed sad. Quiet and sad. But he had helped her put up her tent. They had both struggled with it and had to use the headlights to see since she couldn't find a flashlight.

Little bits and pieces of her memory trickle in like that. But, for the most part, everything else that happened since he got in her car was still a numb spot in her mind. And now the Stranger's nowhere to be seen.

Had he told her his name? He might have. But he's not here now and she can't help but feel relieved.

The passenger seat of her car is in full recline. The only proof she has that this whole thing hadn't just been part of her addled dreams from last night.

Rey sighs, longing for a hot cup of coffee. Looks around, hugging her arms tightly against herself from the cold. The sun's just starting to rise. It won't be cold for long, even at this altitude.

No sounds other than the wind and her own breath. He's really not here anymore.

She wastes no more time. Takes down her tent in a hurry. Not bothering to pack it up properly and instead just throws it in a bundle in the backseat of her car.

Then she turns on the engine and gets the hell out of there.

* * *

Rey doesn't get very far.

It's been less than ten minutes, much less than a mile, when she meets _him_ again. That same dark stranger who keeps _popping_ _up_ no matter where she goes.

Except this time she looks really guilty. He's walking up the road, back towards the campsite, and there's no way to explain what she's doing other than she had tried to split and abandon him out here.

He stares at her, wide-eyed. She wants to keep going, hit the gas pedal even if the road is in shit condition and she should drive slow on it. Instead her foot suddenly hits the brakes. Her car lunges to a stop, smashing her against the steering wheel. Reminding her that she was in such a hurry to hightail it out of there she forgot to buckle up.

"Something wrong?" he asks dryly, opening the passenger door a crack. Watching as she rubs the soon-to-be bruise on her sternum.

There's not much she can say. It's exactly what it looks like.

"Sorry," she mumbles.

He glares. She pushes herself back up. Buckles her belt and presses her lips together into a thin line. Hopes he'll just... go away.

"Is it alright if I get in?" _Or are you just going to leave me out here?_

She can almost _hear_ that last part in her mind. His annoyed body language speaking volumes.

"Yeah. Okay."

Her voice is weak. He gets in with a huff. Fuck.

"Um, should I..." she fiddles with the heater, noticing how pale he is and how he tucks his hands under his arms. "Should I drop you somewhere in town?"

He holds his hands in front of the vent. "Sure. Beats having to walk all the way back."

She puts the car in gear. He gives her a sidelong glare. Then apparently decides to drop the whole 'running away' issue.

They're further down this dirt road than she'd originally thought. Not that she could remember much about last night though, anyhow. She has to go under 20 to avoid the potholes. He stays quiet, still sulking. Occasionally gripping onto the bar above the door when they go over a particularly bad bump.

"I went for a walk," he finally says.

"Sorry?"

"I just went out for a walk. This morning. I wanted to see the dawn. I've always liked it up here..."

"Oh."

Well, she hadn't actually asked. But she had been wondering. And, in fact, that sounds like a perfectly reasonable thing for someone to do. More or less. And it makes her feel like even more of a bitch for trying to ditch him like that.

When the next awkward silence becomes too much she turns on the radio and lets him pick the station.

* * *

Motown. The Stranger likes Motown. That and light jazz.

She would have assumed he'd like heavy metal, or black metal, or Black Sabbath. Or something else that matched his clothes. Hits from the Oldies wouldn't have been in her top 100 guesses.

He's staring out the window, watching the countryside go by. Holding onto the door like he's afraid she's going to throw it open and heave him out at any moment. How ridiculous. She could barely budge him an inch. Well, maybe she could if she really, _really_ tried.

His head turns and he looks over at her with a raised eyebrow. She realizes she was laughing under her breath, feeling profoundly amused by how his chin would bob slightly with the upbeat rhythm.

"It's nothing," she says, brushing a hand through her hair to disguise her reaction. "Just thinking to myself."

He seems like he's about to argue and she clicks the radio up. They fall back into a silence she decides to consider as 'companionable'.

* * *

"So where do you want me to leave you?"

They're approaching that little town again. It's still very early in the morning, helped by her rapid exodus from the campsite, and she's not sure the mechanic will be open yet. But it's time for them to say their goodbyes.

"You're in a rush?" he asks, tone flat. He's staring straight ahead out the front window but she can see his back stiffen.

She starts to a get a sinking feeling he's not planning on being reasonable.

"Yes, I am," she lies.

She can feel him looking at her. It makes her cringe despite herself. And when she meets his gaze he's scowling. The he immediately turns back to the window.

"Um, what I mean is..." She swallows, trying not to let her rising nervousness effect her. "It might take all day to get my engine fixed. I wouldn't want to delay you from-"

"You won't be."

"But you need to find a ride. People may be going down the mountain for work or for the day. One of them might-"

"I can wait and go with you."

Rey can feel the beginning of a headache forming. Somehow she just knew that would be his answer.

"You'll need to find someone else. I'm not going the same way you're heading."

"Yes, you are."

Her fingers tighten on the steering wheel. He must notice because he slumps down, leans a little further away from her. Like he's trying to not seem intimidating. Which is completely impossible when you look like he does.

"You said you were going to Alamogordo to get your car fixed," he says, hints of irritation lacing in his voice. "I'm going that way too. It works for both of us."

"I didn't say that." She eyes the cluster of buildings slowly approaching in the distance. Just another mile or two.

"Yes, you did. Last night." He looks at where she's looking and frowns. Holds onto the armrest of the door again.

 _Well shit,_ she might have said that then. Everything about last night is still muddled in her head.

She falls silent. Trying to think of some polite way of giving him the boot out of her life. Sneaks a quick glance at him from the corner of her eye. His head is tipped down ever so slightly and his mouth is pressed into a firm line.

He seems very... somber

But she just can't let the puppy-dog routine work. And she wasn't lying: she really _does_ have to have to get her engine fixed.

"How about here?" she says, pointing at a wide, gravel pulloff. They'd just rejoined Highway 82 and any traffic going through the area would have to drive right by this spot.

When he doesn't answer she shrugs, puts on her blinker and starts to slow down. He opens and closes his mouth like he's about to say something.

Then, just as she's about to pull in, he grabs the wheel and jerks it to the left. The car practically jumps back onto the road, swerving into the oncoming lane.

"Hey!" she shouts, slamming her foot onto the brakes. "What are you doing?!"

He lets go abruptly, pulling away and recoiling back to his side of the cabin.

"Keep going."

He says it as an order. Like he can just command her to do whatever he wants.

Indignation washes over her, making her sputter for a moment before finding her voice. "Get out. Now."

She grips the wheel tightly. He doesn't move.

"I said _get_ -"

"No."

He raises his hand and for a moment she flinches, wondering if he's about to strike her. Then he clenches it into a fist and punches it against his own thigh. Gritting his teeth tightly.

Rey's anger immediately starts to transform into fear. Okay, maybe there really is something seriously wrong with this guy. But she has to somehow try and keep control of the situation.

"Get out of my car," she tells him again, trying to keep her voice level and sound more confident than she feels. Not sure how to enforce it or what she can do if he _doesn't_.

He doesn't move. Of course he doesn't move.

Instead, he just frowns at the floor. The hand on his leg opening and clenching.

"Keep driving. Please."

 _Please._ As if that one word would make a difference.

She's about to insist again when she feels an odd twinge in the back of her head. Like an itch running along her scalp. For a moment she almost wants to drop it. Just keep driving to appease him and avoid a conflict.

Then she brushes it away. Steadies her voice.

"No," she repeats, glaring at him sternly. "I want you to get out of my car. _Now_."

He sighs deeply, closing his eyes and letting his shoulders slump. For a second she thinks he's actually going to go, then he mutters "fuck" under his breath, glaring at the road ahead.

Another car is driving down towards them, just cresting into sight on the horizon. A black semi-truck, technically. She's still partially sticking out into their lane.

"Keep driving," he tell her.

He's not going to let this go, is he?

Rey's had enough. She turns, unlocking his seatbelt from the mechanism. Then she reaches over him to the door handle, intent on throwing it open and heaving him out somehow. If he puts up a fight, hopefully she can flag the other driver down and get help.

He snatches her wrist from mid-air, squeezing it firmly when she yelps and tries to jerk it back. "Don't do that. _Keep driving_."

She wants to demand again that he leaves her car. Shout at him to let her go and just get the hell away from her. But just like yesterday she suddenly feels dizzy. Disconnected from herself with an intense sense of pressure in her mind. She tries to fight it and he squeezes harder, leaning closer and staring at her with focus.

 _Drive._

When her arm goes slack he lets go of her wrist. It falls limply onto his lap. She watches as he picks it up. Places her hand back on the steering wheel. Her foot leaves the brake pedal that she'd been stomping down on this whole time.

"Everything's fine," he tells her, looking at the truck approaching then back to her. "Just start driving. You're fine."

She accelerates slowly, feeling oddly like she's underwater. Straightens their car up and gets back into her own lane.

The truck passes and the Stranger waves at the driver. Some older man in a baseball cap. He ignores them completely, continuing on past to wherever he was heading. They do the same.

* * *

They stop at a viewpoint a few miles past the town. Rey is feeling a little more clear but it's hard for her to drive. Her reaction times are off and she kept almost running stop signs and lights.

The Stranger insists on them pulling over now, which is just fine with her. The last thing she wants is to have any problems with the local police.

She feels oddly calm as she steps out. Nauseous and slightly groggy, but calm.

Rey knows she should be more upset about what happened, but she can't quite seem to bring herself to be. In its place is simply a sort of numb acceptance that drowns out all her attempts to figure out what happened.

When she could speak again, she told him that she's more worried. It's a long way down off the mountain. She still has to get her car fixed and she thinks there's something wrong with her. She doesn't know why she's acting like this.

The Stranger had told her she was probably just dehydrated. He'd given her some water and told her they shouldn't stop at the mechanic in town. He was worried it would take too long, and wouldn't it be better to just wait and get it done at a big chain shop later on?

At the time she had agreed, not wanting to spend all day in some tiny waiting room.

Except she wouldn't have been, would she? No. She'd made a deal to help fix up some-

"Hey, come over here," her persistent new companion calls out to her. Interrupting her from her thoughts which immediately dissipate into the back of her mind.

He's standing in front of a small podium. Unfolding beyond him is a dramatic view of the desert floor, unfolding thousands of feet below.

"Are you feeling better?" he asks when she steps out of the car and cautiously approaches him.

He'd been nothing short of a complete gentleman since that incident half an hour ago. Asking her what she'd like to listen to, if she needed to stop to just let him know. And now he's trying to act like her friend. Keeping a respectful and polite distance as he plays tour guide. Pointing to different objects on the horizon.

"And that over there is White Sands," he points at a pale swath in the distance. "It's a National Monument and also next to an army base. It's a really beautiful area, we should check it out when we go by."

Rey stays silent. Her fingers itching to pull out her camera and just start snapping away like the perfect tourist cliché, but her mind rebelling against his aggressive attempts at chivalry. The blatantly obvious "we" of his statements grating on her nerves.

When she doesn't respond he seems to grow both frustrated and more apologetic. Tries harder to play nice and be charming. Offers to take a picture of her with the valley as the background.

And it's just not in Rey's nature to hold a grudge. To be petty and maintain her cold shoulder when it's so obvious that it's effecting someone else.

So she takes him up on his offer. Even tries to smile despite her pounding head and shaken nerves.

When she tells him that she's going to take that short trail up to the lookout point and he hesitates, visibly wavering between following her and waiting by the car for her to get back. She reluctantly invites him to go with her. Even asks him about the mountains she can see in the distance across the basin.

He follows immediately, head higher and a new pace to his stride. Irrationally it makes her feel good about herself. She's made someone else happy. She can tolerate this creeper for a few more hours.

But, no matter what, she can't shake how worried she feels. He had scared her badly back there. His quiet and little-boy-lost personality taking such a sudden 180. She had actually been afraid for her own safety for a moment, and then...

And then she'd... had a hard time. Her mind had just shut down. Something really was wrong with her. And he'd taken advantage of it.

"What's your name?" she asks out of the blue. Squinting against the glare of the sun as she reads the dais signboard that describes the geology of the area.

He stands to the side, blocking it with his massive shadow so she can see better.

"You forgot?"

She looks up at him. His face is perfectly stoic. "You told me before?"

He nods. "Last night."

"Sorry... I wasn't feeling well. I can't remember even asking you."

She's not really sorry, but it seems like the polite thing to say.

Unreasonably, she keeps feeling angry with him about her memory lapses. _Those_ aren't his fault, though he's certainly done plenty of other things for her to be cross over.

"It's Kylo," he says, stepping away and turning to walk back down the path. "You thought it was a weird name last night. I'm surprised you forgot."

As hard as she tries, Rey can't remember that at all. But at least she has a name to call him by. It's probably fake, but that doesn't really matter. Sooner or later she's going to find a way to get rid of him, and then he'll just be an odd footnote in her memory.

* * *

Predictably, her car problems had not spontaneously fixed themselves.

They had made it down off the mountain. Barely. Stopping every few miles to let the engine cool. The mechanic had been right: it really was an all-day trip with her car in its current shape.

In a way Rey didn't mind, she was enjoying the scenery and the leisurely pace. But she would have much rather just had everything taken care of and to be alone. Not to have her temperamental new companion constantly lurking in her periphery.

It had been mid-afternoon when they finally got to the bottom of the valley. They'd had to stop again and she'd looked up several mechanics in the next town. Made a few calls and chose the cheapest one available. Set an appointment for tomorrow morning bright and early.

That meant another night of sleeping out. _She_ was fine with that. It's what she'd been doing for months now.

The problem – the most serious problem – was what to do about _him?_ She'd been rolling over ideas in her mind. Thinking of what was the most tactful way to convince him he needed to go. Convince him to find someone else to give him a ride and let him cling to them for company or attention or whatever the hell it was that he really wanted.

As she'd been thinking about it, he'd been visibly growing more irritated. Maybe he saw how her eyes would slide towards him every time they reached a crossroads.

Sometimes she would take a deep breath. Getting ready to start 'The Talk'. Then she'd lose her nerve at his scowl and turn up the radio.

And he had tried to make himself useful. To be helpful. Helpful in a passive-aggressive sort of way that made his resolve clear.

He'd even borrowed her phone and found a free campground not far from where they were. In normal circumstances she would have been grateful.

But he hadn't asked her if that's what she wanted. Hadn't asked if it was _okay_ for him to spend another night with her. He had just told her that she will make a right turn in half a mile. Another order and when she had started to protest he'd glared at her with an expression so sharp and determined that she'd immediately folded.

She was still rattled from what had happened this morning, and he yet to apologize or explain himself in any way. He seemed to be simply trying to sweep it under the rug and pretend that his nearly-violent outburst had never even happened.

Rather than risk another incident, she gave in quietly. Turned down onto the side road and prayed spending another night in his company wasn't about to be a horrible mistake.


	3. Much More Than it First Appeared

Summary:

Where our duo gets to know the best behavior versions of each other, Rey reluctantly stops trying to kick Kylo to the curb despite some rather shady question marks, and their car situation finds a resolution.

* * *

They don't need a fire that night, but Rey wanted to build one anyhow. Gathering up wood and tending to it gave her the illusion of having something to do. Something other than struggling to make conversation with her quiet and reserved new companion.

The campsite that they had found had been one of several strung apart along a dried creek bed. She'd been disappointed when she'd first seen it. If there had been any water running she could have washed and cleaned up. A real shower would be so lovely right now, after several days baking in the sun and making camp in the dirt.

Maybe tomorrow night. In the morning she has to worry about how to pay for the repairs to her car. And only then, if she has any money left, she can worry about finding a nice hotel room or a proper campground.

She's probably on her own with that, too. Her companion doesn't act like someone who has a dime to his name.

In fact, he doesn't even have a single piece of belongings other than the clothes on his back. She wants to ask him about that. Get him to tell her what exactly he was do out in Nowhereland, New Mexico with absolutely nothing along with him.

She wants to ask him a lot of things, but he makes her nervous. He's so quiet. And intense. And just always _there_. Hovering.

Granted, he tries to help her do things. Set up their camp or get firewood or make dinner. But he acts as if it's both a totally new experience for him and that she might try to slip away if he looks away for a moment. Like he thinks that the second he turns his back she'll take off again and disappear.

She's thought about doing just that, she'll admit. It's been a tempting thought, though one that she's gradually accepting will have to be otherwise.

And he's not so bad, really. Pushy and stubborn beyond belief, but he's still someone around for her to talk to.

Or at least talk _at_ , as she's trying to do right now.

It's early into the night and they're sitting by the fire. Or rather, she's sitting, occasionally poking at it with a stick, and he's absently pacing. Slowly prowling the edges of the flickering ring of light like a guard dog on patrol.

It's starting to drive her a little crazy. She wishes he would just _sit down._

He'd been pacing back and forth for the last twenty minutes and had all but completely rejected her attempts at making conversation. Not only was it rude, but his lack of interest in speaking to her was really starting to get on her nerves.

She had already done a tremendous amount for him, all things considered. Was asking him to be slightly more pleasant company so much to ask?

"So why are you really here?" she tries again.

Rey had been wanting to ask that question all day long. Only now, when they – _they_ – are settled down for the night and she's had a few tequila shots in her can she build up her courage.

The Stranger, as she still prefers to think of him, pauses mid-step. Stares at the fire with a serious expression.

So he _was_ listening to her, after all. She'd been telling him about herself. The short and polite version of how she came to be here. All in an effort to coax him to reciprocate. Just tell her a tiny bit about himself so she doesn't have to think of him as only 'the man in black who just showed up into her life and now won't leave'.

"You're not really going to bring _that_ up again now, are you?" he finally says with a huff.

He plucks the stick out of her hand and rakes the coals into a different position. Pretending to be busy with tending the fading embers.

Rey stares at him intently, refusing to let him blow her off anymore.

"I don't mean why you're here right now, with me," she says after a moment. "I get that: you needed a ride. What were you doing out there by yourself yesterday?"

He gives every appearance of not wanting to answer her, but it's an important question. She takes another sip of her drink and waits him out. Grimaces at the highly unpleasant flavor. Tequila and diet Sprite. A White Trash Margarita, the guy at the liquor store where she had bought it had called it.

When she'd offered the stranger- _Kylo_ \- some, he'd turned it down with a frown of high contempt. Looking surprisingly snobbish for someone who's apparently a homeless vagabond. It makes her even more curious to know something, _anything_ , about him.

"You've been here before, right?" she prompts. He retreats to the other side of the fire ring and makes her talk to him over the dying flames. "To New Mexico? You seem to know your way around pretty well."

He keeps staring at the fire, never at her. Cracks his neck. It makes her want to crack hers, too.

"I haven't been here for a very long time," he finally says. "Close to fifteen years ago."

His voice is very quiet, almost hidden under his breath and the snap of twigs combusting into flame. She nods to let him know that she heard him. Not sure if he sees the gesture or not.

"So... you just came back for... sentimentality? You wanted to visit your favorite haunts again or something?"

The silence lasts for so long she thinks he's decided to ignore her once more. She sighs and starts to get up when he continues.

"No. Not exactly like that. I came here with my family a long time ago. I wanted to..." His voice trails off.

"I'm listening," she tells him, sitting down and scooting to the end of the log she's sitting on so she can see him better past the flames. Maybe it's the tequila warming up her blood, but she can almost _feel_ that this is someplace very important to him. As if his whole body language is trying to tell her something. "You wanted to..."

"Maybe you're right. Maybe it was sentimentality. I... My family is gone now. I wanted to come back here and... remember how they used to be."

He steps away and moves back to his path along the edge of the glow from the fire.

"Gone? You mean... they're dead?"

It's not the most tactful thing to say. His brow furrows and he steps even further back, all but disappearing out of sight. She can feel him staring at her, though. She takes another long sip of her drink. Scowls at the taste. It tastes nasty and she's a little embarrassed by her bluntness. Maybe she should have said "passed away" or something less direct.

"My father is..." Kylo says, breaking the uncomfortable silence, "he died recently. _Very_ recently. And my mother... she's gone. Out of the picture."

Despite Rey's curiosity, she stops herself from asking anything more. She can feel how the mood is suddenly changing. It hadn't exactly been friendly and upbeat before, but now...

Now the Stranger is both figuratively and literally pulling back. Somewhere at the edges of her mind is that part of her intuition that's kept her going for so long. Right now it's warning her to tread lightly. He clearly doesn't want to talk about himself, so she shouldn't press him.

"I'm sorry," she says after a time. Finishing her drink and starting to pour another.

"For what?" He takes a step closer. Just the one. Then turns down her offer to share her glorified paint thinner cocktail with a dismissive shake of his head.

"For your father, I guess. I'm sorry he died. That sucks."

The oddest expression flickers across his face. It goes by so quickly she can't catch its meaning in the dim light. He stares at her, searching her face with his eyes like he's looking for something very specific. She furrows her brows at him, confused.

He takes another step forward, bringing more of himself into visibility. There's such an intensity to him that Rey feels her face flush. She hides it behind her drink, making a show of not liking the taste.

" _Nhhn,_ sorry. I shouldn't have said anything. It's none of my business."

He stays silent. Watching her watch him. Until she has to turn away from the odd, one-sided moment they were having.

Okay, maybe she's had enough. She sets her drink down and starts to make excuses. It's getting late and they have to get up early and while they're in town she needs to get gas and do laundry and-

"Sit for a while," he interjects, putting another branch on the fire. It snaps and hisses with trapped moisture and Rey uses the sudden spray of sparks into the air and his brief distraction to look him over for a second.

What a strange man. So somber and pale and completely out of place against a vibrant desert background like this.

"Please."

He'd caught her staring. But he'd also asked nicely, not just ordered her around as he had been so quick to do earlier.

So she sits down. Drinks her Trashy cocktail and lets him pace in peace.

She tries to talk about music. They don't like the same things and she has no idea who any of the bands that he names are. It seems to frustrate them both.

Instead she asks about what else is there to see nearby. That topic, he likes.

He tells her about places both near and far away. Places several days away. She doesn't correct him about the obvious implication of that. The obvious presumption he's making. When she stays quiet and listens he finally, _finally_ , stops pacing like a caged animal and sits down, joining her by the fire.

* * *

Rey goes to bed that night feeling slightly drunk and with a sense of ease to her mind. Maybe it was because of the alcohol, or maybe because it was a clear, halfmoon night illuminated by an ocean of stars.

She had felt oddly comfortable around Kylo. She probably shouldn't, he was still The Stranger to her.

It was just that their fireside segue from pleasantries to scratching the surface of each other's lives had been... pleasant. Spending an evening talking with someone – someone other than herself – was a rare luxury. She doesn't get lonely often. Or at least doesn't admit it to herself. But having a companion around wasn't necessarily the worst thing.

He'd seemed amused when she'd gotten up and stumbled. She'd pretended that she'd tripped on something but it was so obvious to them both that she was a few past the legal limit. His offer to help her to her tent was declined, but she let him secure and shore up the firepit for the night.

Kylo had walked around for a while after that. She had been laying there, curled up in her bag, and listening to his boots crunch on the pine needles. Watching his shadow occasionally cast itself against the walls of her tent.

He would pace in a wide circle around their of the camp. Almost like he was guarding her or securing the perimeter. Did he actually think she would try to ditch him again? In the middle of the night?

And had he done that the first night, also? Rey had been so out of it then that she couldn't remember. But when she tries to think about it too hard she feels a sudden weight covering her mind. Like a soft push and a feeling of comfort.

Just before she falls asleep she hears him open the car door and get in. The worn out old frame creaks and she thinks that it must be so uncomfortable for him. Being that big of a guy and having to sleep in such a small space. Maybe tomorrow they can switch and she'll let him have the tent.

It must be the tequila. If she was sober she would be trying to get rid of him, not thinking of longer-term arrangements for her new guest.

That sleepy, half-formed idea makes her smile for no reason. It almost doesn't even feel like her own thoughts.

* * *

Her dreams aren't nearly so peaceful, however.

On the contrary, they're confusing and chaotic and agitating. A muddled mess of images and sounds bombarding her without rhyme or reason.

Shouting. She hears a lot of shouting. Sometimes screaming. Fighting and arguing. Men's voices and women's voices. Flashes of pictures and people that Rey has never seen before. Different ages. Most of them adult but some little children as well.

It makes her terribly unhappy. Even locked away in her own mind and dreams, it makes her feel absolutely miserable. Miserable and so, so vulnerable. She's had nightmares before, of course, but never like this. It's not the terror of being chased by an anonymous boogey man in a normal scary dream.

There's also a feeling of being profoundly desperate. So out of control that she's starting to scare herself. Like she's on a runaway trajectory but she doesn't even know who these people bursting in and out of focus are.

The thoughts just keep bombarding her. At some point she realizes that she's dreaming but they just keep filling her head. And they don't make _sense_. Flooding her with impulses and desire that she would never have but they feel like memories. _None_ of it makes sense.

Rey wakes up to the feeling of a hand around her neck.

She screams. Of course she _screams_. Screams so loud it rings in her own ears.

Then she kicks and flails and thrashes. Tearing herself out of her sleeping bag rough enough that she rips the zipper right out of its stitches.

Only then, when her voice runs out and she's thoroughly hysterical does she realize that she's alone. No one's there, trying to hurt her. It was _just a nightmare._

A really vivid, disjointed, and horrible nightmare.

She checks her tent. It's still sealed up tight. No sign that anyone had tried to get in.

Maybe it was the alcohol? She's fallen asleep drunk before and had strange dreams. These were more than just _strange_ , though. She can't even begin to describe them let alone unravel them.

When she catches her breath and her heartbeat stops pounding in her ears, she checks her LED alarm clock. 4:17. Still a few more hours before dawn.

She forces herself to lay back down. Listen to the stillness of the night. Nothing. Either she didn't wake him up or...

Oh who even _knows_? Maybe he realized she was having a bad dream and was too polite to wake her up. It doesn't matter now. It's not as if she'll be able to get anymore sleep anyhow.

* * *

Dawn breaks with an unspectacular but still pleasant rosy glow. Rey had been waiting for it, staring up at the domed ceiling of her tent for over two hours. As soon as it's bright enough to see, she climbs out and darts off into the bushes.

After relieving herself, she grabs a bottle of water from out of her tent and finds a discrete and well-hidden nook to give herself a brisk and quick sponge bath. That, combines with a fresh change of clothes, are enough to brighten up her outlook after such a dismal night.

Her companion is still asleep when Rey gets back. She peaks in through the passenger window to see his massive, black form angled awkwardly across the seats.

Okay, that _really_ does look uncomfortable. If he's going to insist on sticking around they'll have to figure out something to do about that. But, first things first, she has to wake him up so they can get going.

She opens the door softly, hoping he'll wake up to the sound or the chill in the morning air. He doesn't. So she leans over, keeping one hand on the door frame to support herself. Reaches out to shake his shoulder and pauses.

This is the first time she's actually seeing him up close. Of course she'd looked at him before, but only in brief or last night by the first when he was half hidden in shadows. But now she can see that he really is a very strange looking man. Not... necessarily unattractive. Just very unusual. So pale and yet he only has a hint of a sunburn, despite being out in the sun for so-

 _Wait..._

She doesn't know how long he's been hitchhiking for. She'd assumed it had been a while, just like she's been alone on the road a while herself. But... then why isn't he more weathered?

And _where_ are his belongings? Does he even have a wallet on him? Maybe in the pockets of his hoodie? Not that she expects, or particularly wants, him to pay for anything. But if they get stopped by the police and have to show-

"Is something wrong?"

His deep voice startles her so much she hits her head on the ceiling of the car as she retreats backwards.

Rey had been so busy pondering his appearance that she hadn't realized that he'd woken up. Woken up to find her hovering half over him. The look he gives her is incredulous and she stumbles out an apology, backing away and taking several steps towards the rear of the vehicle.

She opens up the trunk and is rummaging through it, pulling out a few cans and some precooked things they can eat as they drive. The whole vehicle moves when he gets out, and she can hear him stretching and cracking his neck and back before coming over to join her.

"I was going to wake you up," she says quickly, pretending to be too deeply engrossed in taking inventory of their food supplies to look up at him.

"Okay."

That's all he says. No " _don't worry about it_ " or " _why were you watching me sleep?_ ". Just a simple, monosyllable acknowledgment of her explanation.

"We need to get going," she continues, haphazardly dumping the armful of items into a paper sack. "I don't think it's very far, but we may have to stop a few times."

"Okay."

He takes the bag from her without asking. Looks inside then frowns. It makes her feel even more embarrassed, like she failing at being a gracious host.

"I'm sorry, we don't have time to make anything better. I had trouble sleeping last night and if I'd though about it earlier I could have-"

He dismisses her with a wave of his hand. "It's fine. I slept badly, too. We can get something else in town after the mechanic."

There's that _we_ again. Though of course she'd caught herself using that word also.

But she'd hoped that maybe, since they're going to be in a bigger town, he'd be willing to... go away. Find someone else to drive with. It's not like he can just stay with her for-

He huffs under his breath. Steps forward and pushes her to the side by his proximity. She glances up at him and he seems annoyed. But then he starts repacking the trunk, putting back all the things she'd taken out earlier to get to the food.

"You know where everything goes?" she asks, watching as he artfully restacks the items to make space for where she always keeps her tent roll.

He freezes for a second. Looks at her from the corner of his eye and frowns.

"Okay, fine." She takes the bag of food and moves to the front of the car. "I'll just... pack up here."

She drops the bag onto the back and starts tidying up the front of the car and bringing the passenger seat back up. He's noisy as he works in the trunk and she shakes her head. There's that edge of temper again. He seems to go through mood swings faster than someone can turn a light on or off.

* * *

Alamogordo is... something.

It's a place that exists. That's what she always tells herself when she pulls into a town like this.

And it's definitely the biggest town Rey has been to in a while. She'd been deliberately avoiding cities unless she absolutely had to. Not wanting to risk any trouble and preferring just her own company up until very recently.

And then that "absolutely had to" had passed several miles back. Her car had started to overheat and fill with a foul smell and then they'd had to pull over so quickly they nearly got hit by the 18-wheeler barreling down the hill behind them. Instead of asking if they'd needed help, the driver had honked and flipped them off. It was a gesture that made Rey roll her eyes but seemed to deeply infuriate her passenger.

She was very much getting the impression that his temper was a wild and unpredictable thing. It was a liability, but she was able to distract him by putting him to work handing her tools as she made a few adjustments under the hood.

Her impromptu repairs were just enough to get them into town. Now they were sitting in the waiting area of the mechanic's shop, kept in suspense until it was time to hear the prognosis of her future.

Rey was trying to keep her mind off the endless loop of "how the hell can I pay for all this and what happens if I can't?". She did this by reading bizarre housekeeping magazines and filling up on the free popcorn oddly available from a machine.

Kylo mostly just sat there. He'd flipped through the stack of magazines with a look of distaste. Then the look become outright disdain when she'd offered him some of her snack. He hadn't seemed to think that her joke of "this might be all we're eating for a while" was very funny. She hadn't quite had the heart to tell him it wasn't completely a joke; he'd been looking grim enough without her attempts at humor.

* * *

The mechanic was a lean man who looked to be in his early forties and had rather shamelessly flirted with Rey while Kylo seemed incredibly uncomfortable.

She had flirted right back. Mostly in the hopes of getting a better deal, but also out of intrigue over his strong California surfer accent. Rey was sure there was a story attached with how he came to be out here, but after he'd given her the estimate she couldn't be bothered to try and chat.

The cost of the repairs would be much more than her car was worth. The mechanic had told her, in his roundabout and rolling sort of way, that her car was basically a heap of junk and it's only real value was as scrapmetal.

Rey had tried to take the news well. She'd nodded politely, remaining stonefaced as he offered to buy it off her hands for $500. The cost of the replacing engine would be more than four times that.

When she'd asked how much longer he thought she could drive it, he'd told her it was a miracle it hadn't caught on fire by the side of the road yet. She'd excused herself to "think it over", which really meant her prideful way of going to the women's room and trying not to start sobbing.

It wasn't about the car. Okay, it was sort of about the car. She'd grown attached to the clunky, funky smelling old thing. It had been her home for nearly the last half year. Homes come and go, she knows that. But _damnit_ , she had liked this one..

And now here she was: basically stranded in a dusty, windswept town in the middle of the goddamn New Mexican desert. It wasn't like she could just _go back home._ Oh no, not anymore. Her visa had expired months ago. She probably wouldn't even make it out of a regional airport before getting detained.

She'd thought about calling Finn and Poe. They might bail her out. Wire her money and she could put up with their lecture.

But they'd been one of her biggest critics after being her biggest supporter. Once she'd started drifting, just like they'd encouraged her to, they'd become very negative. Constantly telling her to just come back. They had meant well, but...

 _No_. That wasn't really an option. Unless it was a total emergency. Which this wasn't _quite_ yet.

She still had some money. If she sold her car, and she might as well for all the good it would do her to keep it, then she'd have enough to live off for a while. Maybe she could even get an off the books job. Save up and start again.

With that thought in mind, Rey splashed water on her face and composed herself. Made sure her eyes were dry and redness free before stepping out of the bathroom she'd been in a suspiciously long time.

Except the waiting room had no one in it. No sign of the mechanic or her soon to be ex companion. The front desk and back office were also empty when she checked them.

She was about to step outside and look around the adjacent work area when an old impulse overcame her. She opened up her duffle bag that she was using as a purse, and dumped in as many pouches of the free popcorn as she could get away with. She'd meant it as a joke earlier but now it actually was looking like she was going to need them.

As always, the heat had come as a shock when she'd stepped out of the air-conditioned cocoon of the building. Refracted and amplified by the pavement and hard concrete surfaces around her, and it momentarily took her breath away.

Then she'd seen them _._ Kylo and the mechanic. They were standing by her car, the older man completely dwarfed by her companion's massive form.

She'd taken a few steps towards them, shielding her eyes from the harsh sun with her hand. When she'd gotten closer it occurred to her that something was a little strange. The mechanic was leaning with his shoulder propped against the support ridge over the doorframe. Kylo was... holding his hand. As if they'd been shaking on something and then had forgot to let go.

"Hey?" she calls out. The mechanic doesn't respond but Kylo turns his head and looks at her. A very strange expression is on his face. He almost seems pleased, but he hides it quickly.

"Is he okay?" she asks when she gets to them them.

The mechanic wavers slightly then stands up. Blinks at her with an expression of incomprehension. He definitely doesn't look okay.

"Oh he's fine. We were just talking and the heat got to him, isn't that right?" Kylo pats him on the shoulder and starts leading him away and back to the office.

The man doesn't answer but nods in agreement. Rey hesitates then grabs a bottle of water from her car. Follows them and watches as the mechanic wavers on his feet. It's very strange. You'd have thought that he'd be more used to the heat since he lives out here.

This early in the morning no one else is either working here or waiting, so they sit the confused man down on one of the chairs in the waiting room. She gives him some water and he starts coming back together. Talking about how he didn't know what happened. She doesn't either, but... this is very familiar. It makes her wonder just what-

"I've made us a deal," her companion abruptly says. Rey had been trying to get the mechanic to drink a little more water but she stops to look up at him.

"Huh?"

"We're going to trade in your car. He had another one he was trying to sell and he'll take it as a trade."

She blinks a few times. "He'll... he will? Really?"

Kylo nods, a slight hint of a lift along each side of his mouth. He looks pleased with himself but trying to hide it.

"What's wrong with it?"

The slight hint immediately falls. "What do you mean?"

Rey pulls way from the mechanic. He tries to stand up then immediately falls back down into his chair.

"I mean, if he traded it for _my_ car, it has to be a piece of crap, right?"

The emphasis was intentional. It's not that she's not grateful for the Stranger trying to help her out, it's just... he could have asked first. Asked her if it was okay for him to give away one of her very few possessions. Even for a good cause. He just keeps on _assuming_ for her. It's very annoying and close to insulting.

"I think it's fine," he says defensively. "I mean, it's an older model and all. But he said it was in good condition. Right?"

The mechanics head immediately straightens. It's such a fast and abrupt move that Rey almost drops the bottle of water she was still holding.

"That's right," he agrees. "Nothing major wrong with it. Few things, but nothing too serious. It's even a four wheel drive."

"He wanted to give us a good deal. I told him how you're visiting our country and he wanted to help us out. Make sure you leave with a good impression."

Rey blinks again. Why... it just doesn't make sense. "...but..."

"No " _but"_. It's ours. We just have to sign the paperwork."

Luck this good doesn't actually happen. Especially not to her. Maybe she shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth, but something is definitely off about all of this.

"Are you sure?" she asks the mechanic directly. He seems to be feeling better.

"Oh yeah, it's no problem. Just like what your friend said. I want to help." He stands up and heads over to his office. Kylo follows closely behind him, leaving a somewhat bewildered Rey watching them go.

"It's the gray SUV next to our car," he calls out over his shoulder. "You go transfer our luggage into it and I'll finish up in here."

 _Our_ car. _Our_ luggage.

Double assumptions said so carelessly. Rey wants to protest. But she doesn't.

Instead she hurries outside, back into the steadily rising mercury of the desert flatlands. It's better if they just grab _her_ new ride and get the hell out of there before the mechanic changes his mind about the whole thing.


	4. Two Steps to a Restraining Order

Summary:

Where our duo get hostile, get cleaned up, get a little flirty, and get drunk. And then Kylo tells Rey something that she REALLY doesn't like hearing.

* * *

DollarTree was an epic battle of wills.

Rey had insisted they go there after the mechanic. There were some basic supplies she needed and "why pay more?".

Kylo had been pissy about it. Told her that she'd probably catch some weird disease from even stepping foot into that store. And besides, _that_ was somebody else's motto, not the _'Tree's_ as she liked to refer to it.

"Fine, then just stay in the car. I'll even leave the air conditioning on. That's how nice I am."

She'd hopped out before she could hear his next objection. They'd been going back and forth over this for several minutes and Rey was getting tired of it. And why was she debating with him? It was _her_ money, after all. Yes, he'd helped her get a new car, but that was something she still had mixed feelings about how exactly it went down.

There definitely were questions that needed to be answered, but now was not the time or place. Not as she browsed an aisle of party favors looking for the perfect disco ball ornament to christen her new ride with. There were a few other items she was also looking for, and then-

"Everything here is made in China."

The deep baritone voice coming from behind her is so serious she has to close her eyes to keep from laughing. It almost sounds like he was warning her. Guarding her against the deep, dark secret menace that is imprinted on the bottom of the plastic "stained glass" Thanksgiving Turkey accessory she had been pondering.

"I thought you didn't want to be seen in here?"

"Very true. But I wanted to help."

"That's nice. Afraid I was going to run away again?"

She's only teasing but can immediately tell he's offended. When she looks over her shoulder at him, he almost looks hurt. He hides it immediately, but she's starting to be able to read his enigmatic face and mannerisms.

"Okay, fine," she drops the Turkey into her basket. It will add... _character_ to her dashboard. "I've got a list. Help me find all the stuff so we can get out of here before anyone sees you."

Too late for that. Everyone in the surprisingly packed store had been watching them. Some more overtly than others. No doubt they were wondering what the young English girl and her black clad bodyguard are doing in a place like this. She's been wondering that herself more and more each day.

* * *

They leave town in the early afternoon.

Shopping had taken longer than she'd wanted, due in large part to the persistent prissiness of her companion. She'd tried to nudge out of him how he could possibly be so uptight about food when he'd come into her picture the way that he had.

Of course he hadn't really answered. But she'd extrapolated a few hints about him. Wherever he had been spending the last few years had been someplace so far removed from popular culture that it was baffling. He hadn't even heard about the organic food trend, let alone any of the diet crazes or other theories Rey had proposed to explain his fussy choice in edibles.

So what options did that leave for him? Prison? Insane asylum? Hippie commune? She chose to hope for the latter, and dropped the topic when she sensed he was become uncomfortable with her indirect probes into his past.

Next stop for them was White Sands. It was a small but breathtaking protected area of absolutely snow white sand dunes.

Kylo had been glum up until that point, but he'd slowly perked up as he continued his repeated tour guide role. They'd taken two short nature walks, one on a boardwalk and one through the dunes themselves, but it was too hot to spend much time out of the air conditioning of their car.

"Did you like it?" he asks when they pull out of the front gate.

Rey is still fanning herself with a pamphlet about ' _The Nighttime Desert Habitat_ '. Her new SUV was superior to her old junker in every way except that it didn't list the outside temperature. Which may have been a mercy, all things considered. Sometimes it's better not to know the truth.

That thought brings a scowl to Rey's face. She shakes it off and turns up the fan to maximum.

Rey waits on answering until two large cargo trucks pass so she can merge. They're on Highway 70 now, and the sharp increase in traffic and humanity is making her uneasy.

"It's spectacular. But too damn hot. I should come back here sometime when I can stand to be outside the car for more than 10 minutes."

He nods. Pulls out a bottle of water and cracks the seal for her.

"Last time I was here was in early March, I think."

She takes a sip, sensing another opportunity. "Oh? That was a while ago, right? Did you come here by yourself?"

He looks out the passenger side window. His expression hidden by the cheap sunglasses he'd reluctantly bought in town. It annoys her that she can't see his eyes. He immediately takes them off and she quirks an eyebrow, wondering if she was scowling at him or something like that.

"No. I was with my parents. For Spring Break."

"Oh."

She waits for him to continue. He doesn't.

Rey can practically _feel_ his reluctance to continue that line of conversation. The Stranger's childhood is apparently a tremendously touchy subject for him, and she doesn't want to bring up old wounds. Especially not when her own history is so tarnished and painful.

They drive for a few minutes in awkward silence before she decides to bring up another subject. Another attempt at communication.

"Yeah. So. I wanted to thank you. For helping me get this new car."

He fiddles with his sunglasses. "It was nothing. But you're welcome."

"No, no. It wasn't just _nothing_. It was incredible! It was such an amazing deal you got. I don't how you could have _possibly_ talked him into doing the trade."

He squirms. Moves to fiddle with the radio instead of his glasses. Pretending to be too busy to comment.

Her hand beats him to it, though. Turns the volume down to barely audible.

"So?" she prompts, determined to not let him scowl his way out of it. "What did you say to him? How did you do it?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing? But it must have been something. He was acting kind of odd, too. Like he didn't really-"

"Do you like it?" he interrupts, fingers twitching against his knee. She can't tell if he's itching to turn up the radio or to punch himself in the leg again.

It reminds her of that last incident. The one from the day before when her trying to kick him out had somehow escalated into a scrabbling match that had scared her half to death. Frightened her to the point that she... acted strangely. Neither of them had mentioned it since it happened, but it had never left the background of her thoughts.

"It's a nice car, right?" he asks, suddenly more eager to speak up and fill the silence between them. Rey realizes that she was squeezing the steering wheel so hard the leather casing was protesting.

She sighs. Forces herself to release her grip.

"Yes, it is," she relents. "Thank you for it."

This conversation isn't over, but she's willing to drop it for right now.

"You're welcome." He smiles a little. It's a weird, awkwardly goofy smile that doesn't go with his face. Or his personality.

"So..." the smile fades and he fiddles with the radio and she lets him this time. "Does your gratitude mean you're going to stop trying to get rid of me?"

His voice is light. His expression isn't.

She sighs again. Masking it as a yawn. They had gotten up really early that morning, after all.

"Well, that _depends_."

The look he gives her to that is beyond condemning. "On?"

"You. You're being so mysterious. What if I find out something really horrible about you? Then I'd have to run off, wouldn't I?"

She plays it off like a joke. Waits for him to reassure her. He doesn't.

Instead, looks worried. Fidgets with the map and GPS so he doesn't have to respond.

That... was not the answer Rey was hoping for. She suddenly regrets bringing it up. Maybe sometimes it _really_ is better not to know the truth.

* * *

The road west from White Sands was a series of rolling and rising dry hills. The desert on this side was much harsher and drier than further east, and it was rarely punctuated by anything taller than a creosote bush or the occasional juniper.

Rey had Kylo take pictures out the window as they drove. She really liked the jagged, knife-edged peaks of the smaller mountain range they were crossing. The San Andreas mountains, he'd told her. An odd name for an odd place.

By the time they'd crossed over it was late afternoon and Rey was getting tired. She almost wished her passenger would take over driving for a while, but he'd never offered to and she had her doubts about the validity, or even the existence, of his possible drivers license.

Besides, this way she was still in charge of their route. And could potentially heave him out again if he started acting up.

On the other side of the mountains and down was the vast and sprawling city of Las Cruces. It was a border town, or very nearly, and connected El Paso and it's twin city of Ciudad Juarez in Mexico. Neither of them had wanted to stop, though. Rey had enough of civilization and encounters with humanity earlier in the day, and her companion seemed to alternate between wariness and preoccupied moodiness.

So they'd driven through, skirting along the edges of Las Cruces and dipping off the interstate only long enough to get gas.

Over the slushies and greasy spring rolls she'd bought at the station, they'd went over the map and possible routes. "Nowhere to go and all night to get there" was her general attitude, and she let him direct them to the north and then west.

More mountains there, he'd said, which meant more camping out and damned if she wasn't starting to fall in love with this sunbleached, you're-on-your-own kind of state. Maybe it was the endless open spaces and high vistas or the wild west vibes, but Rey could almost see herself wanting to stick around here. Find a way to call it home, at least for a while.

Then they'd run into a border patrol checkpoint and Rey's blood had turned cold.

"We're thirty miles north of the border!" she'd hissed under her breath, as if someone in one of the other cars stopped in line on the interstate could hear her.

"Turn around."

Kylo had given it as an order, but at that moment Rey was too concerned with the looming overhang of the checkpoint they were slowly inching towards to correct him.

She craned her neck and looked out the side mirror. Watching as several cars in line made a U-turn through the sandy verge separating northbound and southbound I-25. Then she looked over at her companion. He looked...worried. He'd put up the hood of his jacket over his head, also, making him look like even more of a weirdo.

It made her pause and gawk at him, then a honk from behind them reminded her that one of the two inspection lanes ahead of her had opened up.

"Turn around," he repeats, reaching out to grab the steering wheel from her then apparently thinking better of it.

"Wouldn't that be, like... really suspicious?"

Maybe they'll just be waved through. Most of the other cars ahead of them had been waved through.

Most, but not all.

The hand comes back, floating at the edge of her vision until she turns to look at him. His brows are pulled tightly together and he's staring at her. Fingers not quite touching her wrist, like he's debating whether to grab her hand or not.

"Turn around. Please?"

There are only two cars left ahead of them. And since he asked nicely...

Rey jerks the wheel sharply to the left and hits the gas. Her old car would have had trouble crossing the sharply dipped divider between the two lanes, but the SUV doesn't even struggle.

Several other cars honk at her, though one guy in a truck is clearly laughing his ass off.

In her rearview mirror, she catches sight of the huge bank of security cameras. They'll be sure to have caught her license plate, but as it is the worst thing they can do is catch her for making an illegal U-turn.

No flashing lights behind them. Maybe she overreacted. But Kylo only relaxes when the covered roof of the checkpoint disappears out of view.

"What, is your face on a wanted poster or something?" she laughs. Then abruptly stops when he doesn't immediately answer.

"Kylo? What is... is there something-"

"No," he interrupts, pulling his hoodie down off his face and taking their map out of the glove compartment. "No, it's not like that."

 _Then what's it like?_ She thinks the question but doesn't say it out loud. Besides, it's not like she's one to pass judgment about acting cagey.

"Maybe we should stick to smaller roads?" she offers instead.

He nods but stays quiet. Wrestling with the oversized sheet of paper, trying to tame it to open up to only the foldlines they need. She turns the radio back on, this time picking a station that _she_ liked to hear.

* * *

Home for that night was on the banks of the Rio Grande.

Calling it a river was a stretch. Calling it a stream didn't even seem right. Kylo had explained the political significance of the 'Rio' and she had expected something... more. More than a rocky wet ravine with murky currents of faintly topaz-colored water.

But it would do for her purposes. Tonight, as soon as the sun went down and she had enough relative privacy, she was going to wash up. It was kind of silly how exciting the thought of being clean was to her, but after several days of heat and sweat it sounded like paradise.

Kylo had been equally enthusiastic. Back in town at the Dollar Tree, when he'd been annoying her about not buying the $1 pasta due to his assumption that it held The Plague, she'd lost her temper and told him not to stand so close because he'd stunk.

And _oh_ , that had been so effective. He'd immediately been subdued and had stopped fighting her over every damn thing. She should ask him his zodiac sign sometime. With as overinflated but tissue-thin and fragile an ego as he had she would bet money on him being a Leo. Maybe a Scorpio.

He was off there now. By a brushy and isolated little crook of the river with the wash basin she normally stored snacks in and the soap and shampoo they'd negotiated over at the department store.

Apparently Mr. "I'm Ashamed to Be Seen Getting A Good Bargain" had absolutely no problem going starkers and bathing in broad daylight. Not that there was anyone around, but-

Rey feels her face flush. They'd had a good day. She has a new car and was about to scrub all the crud off herself. That's what was putting her in unusually good spirits.

That, and the fact that now she finally had the chance to maybe get a few answers. The Stranger – Kylo - had left his hoodie behind when he'd left. Since that was literally the only extraneous item he had on him, it stood to reason that would be where he keep his secrets hidden.

Or in the very least she could peak through his wallet to find out his _real_ name. And see if he really was as broke as he claimed to be or was just using her like his sugar momma.

But when she check in the pockets there was nothing. Just a pack of cinnamon gum. No money. No wallet. Absolutely no ID or anything like that.

It made her uneasy, again. Either... either he...

Who had _absolutely nothing_ like this? She doesn't have much, but at least she has a few things. Her license and phone and a few sentimental knickknacks. How was he even supposed to-

It has a hidden pocket. Located right above one of the side pockets but with a hidden zipper that could only be opened from the inside. In it is something hard.

She looks around, just to be doubly sure she's not about to get busted. Then opens it.

It's a passport. A British passport. For a second she wonder what he-

 _Oh._

It's _her_ passport.

She stares at her portrait in disbelief. Everything's there. Her home address, her name, the border stamps from the different places she's been. She'd kept it hidden under the driver's seat. Trapped up in the positioning levers in a little cloth pouch along with all the rest of her-

Oh shit. Her heart stops.

All the rest of her money. The Stranger had taken off "to wash up". What if he'd actually robbed-

Rey lunges into the car, scrabbling herself up underneath the steering wheel and feeling around. It's not where she-

Okay, there it is. It's not where she left it, but the cloth bag is there.

She pulls it out, heart pounding in her throat. It's still there. Her secret stash of money. She counts it and all the $1400 to her name are right where she left them.

Just her passport. That was all he took. But why? It doesn't do him any good. A British female passport is of no use to him. Or anyone else, really. Especially in this part of the country.

There's something tucked inside one of the pages. She pulls it out and it's a crumpled receipt. A receipt for two postcards and a keychain ornament. Bought by her from the Kansas Welcome Center three weeks ago. It had been such a distant and trivial purchase that she didn't think about it once since then.

She'd probably forgotten to throw it out and it had ended up in her car, but why would he have taken it in the first place? It makes even less sense than taking her passport.

Rey sits sideways on the seat, her legs danging out of the driver's side door. She keeps turning the two objects over and over in her hands. Trying to decipher their meaning.

Footsteps approach, crunching against the golden brown Poplar leaves carpeting their riverside campground. She takes a long, deep breath. Gathering up her nerves. And then pushes out of her new car and goes around to the back where he is.

"Why did you take this?" she asks, holding her passport up but close to her body.

He'd been unpacking her cooking set from the trunk but looks up at her with a puzzled expression. Then he sees what she's holding and blinks.

"Where did you find that?"

He straightens his back and steps away from her, sticking his hands in his pant pockets. He's wearing the new clothes he'd bought in town, still all in black, and she realizes his hair is wet and uncombed. It makes him seem at least somewhat less threatening than he normally does.

"In your jacket. I was looking through it and I found this there."

He frowns. Stares at the ground. "Why?"

"That's what I was asking you." She looks around their campsite, wishing they weren't constantly all alone together. Having another person in eyesight would set her more at ease.

"Why were you looking through my jacket?" He's trying to defect her question. She can practically _feel_ how much he wants to change the subject. Almost can hear _just drop it, please just drop it_ from his expression.

She sighs. "Because it was in _my_ car. Now why did you take my passport?"

He turns and walks to the other side of the SUV. Opens up the back passenger door and rustles through one of the boxes. She follows him, standing behind and clearing her throat. Determined to not let him off the hook.

"I was just looking at it, okay?" he tell her over his shoulder. "No need to make a big deal out of it."

He doesn't turn to face her. Instead talks to the door frame.

"Then why was it in... Wait, how did you even find it? I had it hidden."

He shrugs. She waits.

"When I was sleeping? I saw it under the seat. I meant to put it back but then forgot about it."

It's a lie. She doesn't know how she knows, but she _knows_ he's lying.

"Should I make dinner?" he looks pleadingly at her. Still trying to change the subject.

This time she relents. He's not going to tell her whatever the hell he was actually doing with her passport and... she guesses no harm was done. She has it back now and... fine, whatever. It doesn't matter.

"I'm going to wash up," she says icily after several long moments of watching him pretend to be busy.

She goes back to the trunk instead of answering his question. Can feel his eyes watching her as she pulls out the shampoo, soap, and some clean clothes. They have to share a towel. It's still damp from when he used it but it will have to do until she buys another one.

Or kicks him out and off her roadtrip. An idea that keeps coming and going from her mind but suddenly has a great appeal once again.

"There's a private spot by the willows," he says, calling after her as she walks away. "It has a sandy bank."

She doesn't bother answering, still feeling oddly violated and increasingly annoyed with his sense of entitlement. But at this point she just wants to get away from him.

* * *

For the first time in days she's clean again and it's glorious.

It's amazing how much of a difference taking a bath makes in someone's mood. While she was by the river she'd constantly been checking over her shoulder. Somehow feeling like eyes were on her even though she knew they weren't. From where she was bathing she had a clear view of every direction if she stuck her head up and she was positive no one was watching her. It was just her mind playing tricks on her, making her feel like she wasn't alone.

But then her mood had started to lighten as all the layers of dust and dirt and sweat were swept away. She'd made the conscious decision to move on from that whole taking-her-things incident, though she would be more careful in the future.

And when she'd gotten back to their camp she'd been pleasantly surprised that both dinner and her tent had been prepared while she was gone.

It's early evening now and the final light of dusk is leaving them. The Stranger had cooked some sort of instant rice and vegetable dish. It was a mix of under and overcooked, but she accepted it with a thanks. Apparently neither of them had much in terms of culinary skills.

"You'd been busy," she commented, putting her dirty clothes into a garbage bag to be washed next time they go by a laundromat.

He'd shrugged. Hadn't said much. They ate in mostly silence and she decided to accept this as an apology. The Stranger clearly had some social issues but, really, he hadn't done any real harm other than worry her.

After dinner she'd made a fire and they'd sat around it. Watching a spectacular sunset making for a suitable replacement to the conversations that tended to be, at best, awkward between them.

Then she'd had an idea. Far from her best and brightest idea, but she couldn't let common sense get in the way. Not when she was hell-bent on getting at least a few answers out of her tight-lipped and sullen passenger.

"Let's do tequila shots!" she exclaimed all of a sudden, jumping up and breaking the lengthy quiet that had fallen between them.

His head snapped up and he looked like he was about to protest, but she was halfway to her car before he could speak.

She brings back the bottle along with two styrofoam coffee cups. Shoving one into the hand that he holds up to ward her off.

"Rey, I don't think-"

"Oh it's fine!" she pours in a good double shot into his glass and repeats for her own. If he can force his will onto her then she can damn well do the same to him a few times.

"Cheers!" she says cheerfully. Thunking her cup against his. He stares at her with a look of growing alarm.

"There's... still coffee at the bottom of this," he offers weakly.

She rolls her eyes, still hovering over him until he toasts to her and just drinks the damn thing. "Swish the tequila around, then. You won't even be able to taste it."

He frowns, staring at he slightly cloudy drink with displeasure. Then he finally resents and taps his cup to hers. "Salute," he mutters, before knocking back the shot.

They both sputter at the strong flavor. Fighting to make it go down their burning throats.

"Not a fan?" she asks, voice slightly scratchy from the drink.

He shakes his head, setting the cup away from him on the log he's sitting on. Mistake on his part, because she immediately reaches over and fills it up again. This time nearly to the top.

"Rey..." he stares at it.

His ' _I don't think this is such a good idea'_ is obvious but unspoken.

She settles down across the fire from him and keeps the bottle between her feet in case he tries to take it away from her.

They share an odd moment of eye contact through the fire again, just like they had the night before. This time it's her turn to state at him while he looks uncomfortable.

Thoughts of trying to get him to play _'I Never'_ come to her mind, but... she's afraid that some of the things she's been wondering about him might become an _'I have'_.

He looks like he'd rather be anywhere else than there with her. In fact, he almost seems to be working himself up to make an excuse and leave.

"You look nice," she blurts out without thinking. Then immediately blushes and backtracks. "Um, I mean, you look better now that you've washed up. Not so... um, _nevermind_."

Great, now she's insulted him. She quickly takes another drink before making herself look up from the ground.

He's self consciously finger-combing his hair. The desert air here has so little humidity that his hair dried really... fluffy. It's kind of adorable how much volume it has now.

She giggles into her cup, starting to feel the effects of the liquor. It makes him look even more uncomfortable.

"Another one?" she offers, picking up the bottle.

He seems to think about it for a moment. Then reluctantly nods and hands over his cup for her to fill again.

* * *

The evening had been going well, until it went horribly wrong.

Once they were three drinks in Kylo had finally, _finally_ started to loosen up. She'd eased him into her whole "getting him to talk about himself" plan by first asking him about where they should go next. What else there is to see that she absolutely can't miss out on.

Both the conversation and the alcohol had flowed naturally from there. Progressing from him being a living, breathing Travel Guide to the Southwest to him talking about some of the restaurants around that he used to go to as a kid.

They'd shared some childhood stories then. His of him being an incredibly picky eater, something that came as no surprise, and her sharing tales of all the random things she used to eat as a kid. Basically anything and everything she could get her hands on.

Then, as the night progressed and it had gotten colder, Rey had gone to her car to get a sweater. Kylo told her that he'd put it in the tent for her when he was putting it up earlier. That was nice of him, she'd thought, but when she'd unzipped the entrance she'd had to do a double-take.

Inside her tent it was set up _exactly_ like she does it herself. Everything from the placement of her pillow to which side she liked to have the zipper of her sleeping bag on to what she kept in the side storage pockets.

The copious amounts of tequila in her system made her mind sluggish and it took her a few moments for all of this to register. She kept looking everything over, again and again. Wondering if the dim and shifting illumination from the fire nearby was making her see things that weren't real.

"Kylo?" she calls out over her shoulder.

He makes a noise of acknowledgment.

She crawls out of her tent to look at him. He's putting another branch on the fire but he stops when she walks up.

"What's wrong?" he asks before she even starts speaking.

"How did you do that to my tent? How did you know where everything goes?"

His face is blank for a moment, as if he was trying to decipher her hidden meaning. Then she could swear a look of panic crossed his face before he could control it. It makes her heart start to race as her mind scrambles to come up with explanations.

"I... don't know what you mean."

She shakes her head and stomps up to him. It's ridiculous with their height difference but all the cheap liquor in her system is making her reckless.

"No, you _do._ Now explain it to me. What... were you... spying on me at night, or something?"

It's the only thing she can think of. He'd helped her build her tent twice before, but once the frame was up she'd always set up her bedding and everything else by herself.

When he doesn't immediately deny it her jaw drops. Staring at him in disbelief and rising panic.

She takes a step backwards, half thinking about turning on her heel and running for the car. She's closer but his legs are longer. If he would choose to run after her, that is.

But all he does is hold up his hands in a sort of pleading gesture and she stills. Feeling oddly compelled not to move.

She shakes her head, then. The feeling dissipating. But before she can do anything else _he's_ the one that steps away.

"I can explain," he says.

He sits down by the fire again and looks up at her hopefully. He wants her to join him again, she realizes.

 _You're overreacting._

Maybe she's overreacting? Maybe. And, truth be told, she wants answers and this is the first time he's seemed willing to be forthcoming.

She watches as he pours them both another drink. That's the last thing they need, but she takes it from him anyhow. Wanting the fire of it to steady her nerves. She doesn't sit down, though. Preferring instead to remain standing while he sits. Which, ironically, puts them at close to the same line of sight and gives her an artificial sense of control over the situation.

"Go on, then," she says when the silence becomes too much for her to take.

He sighs into his drink. Finishes it before contemplating the half-empty bottle next to him.

"I have something I should probably tell you. But... you're not going to like it."

A growing sense of apprehension fills her. She's known that something was wrong. That something else had been going on, but she just wasn't... She sips at her drink to chase down her nervousness. Then shrugs at him like she's not really paying attention.

"What'd you do?" she asks.

Rey expects him to admit to being a pervert and spying on her at night. Or tell her that he's on the run from the law because he did something bad. Maybe he shot a man in Reno just to watch him die. Or he's into some sort of -philia or something _truly_ awful.

Her mind chases the full gamut of possibilities while she stares him down.

"Okay..." he begins, clearing his throat twice. "Remember how we met two days ago? I was hitching by the highway near Cloudcroft?"

How could she forget, right? It both seemed minutes ago and weeks ago that she had been traveling down that lonesome stretch of road and saw a man in black with his thumb up in the air.

"What of it?" she asks, finishing her drink. He offers up the bottle and she shakes her head. Even more suspicious of how the tables have turned and _he_ was the one trying to get her drunk now.

"You know that wasn't a coincidence, right?"

She stares at him levelly. Blinks twice. Not a... coincidence? He was a hitchhiker. She happened to drive past him. Then when she saw him again she'd decided to stop. A different course of action at any stage and none of this would have happened.

"What... do you mean?"

Kylo fidgets now, rolling the styrofoam cup between his open palms. She's noticed that he seems to get restless whenever he's trying to hide something.

"You have to promise not to get angry."

It's an order, not a request. Normally she'd be annoyed by his nerve, but now... she just wants him to hurry up and say whatever it is that's making him so uncomfortable.

"I cant promise that," she says, fighting to keep her voice level.

Rey has a distinct suspicion that she will, in fact, be very angry at whatever he's about to say.

He scratches the back of his head, sending his out-of-control cloud of hair into even more disarray. She can tell he's choosing his next words very carefully.

"I've... I've been following you. Just for a little bit..."

His voice fades as he takes in her expression. He immediately stands up and she recoils, cringing.

"It's okay!" he insists. "I told you I can _explain._ Just let me. Please. _"_

She's... absolutely speechless. Her mind racing to try and process what he's trying to tell her. But then it falls upon a truth: he can't be serious. Either he's insane or trying to rile her up. Maybe it's all the alcohol. Maybe he thinks scaring her is just some sort of awful practical joke.

"No," she says, definitively. "You're making this up. You were hitchhiking. You had no way to follow me." No way at all. There had been so few cars along that road that she would have noticed.

"You're lying. You have to be." She stares him down, waiting for him to just admit it and tell her why.

Instead, he looks at her. His expression uninterpretable. She can practically hear the gears in his head turning. Wondering if _he can get away with this_...

Then it hits her: he's not lying. Somehow she knows and somehow...

He really was following her? But why? If he was going to hurt her or... do something to her... why wait for three days? Or why tell her at all?

"How?" She blurts it out, letting him know that she knows. A million questions on her mind but that's the one that's the most important.

He stares at the ground and shrugs. Goddamnit if she doesn't hate when he shrugs. Like he's literally trying to shrug her off. And that one little gesture just confirmed _everything_.

When he doesn't immediately answer, she wants to hit him. Or scream. Or run as far as she can as fast as she can. Then he sighs. Scratches his head again and looks the portrait of a man caught guilty.

"I _heard_ you," he finally tells her. "When you were telling the people at the welcome center where you were going and asking about the weather. You went over every highway with them and... it was easy. I just... listened. And followed."

Everything clicks into place. The little clues like how he'd known where she kept everything in her trunk. The receipt in her passport. And that meant he'd been following her for _weeks._

"And my tent?" she asks, voice starting to break with her rising hysteria. "So you were watching me-"

"No," he interrupts, staring at her then immediately looking away. Her jaw clicks shut and the urge to flee rises.

She can see him try to come up with some tale to appease her. His silence and hesitance is enough of an answer. Rather than listening to whatever lie he was about to say, she spins on her heel without another word. Bolts the short distance to her car and throws herself into the driver's seat.

"Stop!"

She hears him call out. Doesn't look to see if he's coming after her or not. Instead, she locks the doors and grabs the keys.

Or tries to. Her fingers flash across the dashboard, scrabbling to find where she had put them when they'd first pulled in. But they're not there. Could she have knocked-

He took them! That has to be it! That _psychopath_ must have took them!

He knocks on the window and she makes a strangled yelp. All she can see is a giant dark shadow. He tries to open the door and the handle snaps ineffectively.

"Rey? Please, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."

He's ridiculous. Insane and ridiculous and all the booze in her us making her much more hysterical than she'd normally be.

"Give me back my keys you fucking lunatic!" she screams. Dragging herself to the far side of the cabin in case he tried to bust out the window or do something equally crazy.

 _Don't call me that. Please don't._

She doesn't know how she can hear him say that. The voice is so quiet and full of sadness.

Instead of answering, they have some sort of face-off where neither of them can really see the other. He's just a dark and nearly phantasmal shape outside, blending into the darkness. And she cringes against the far passenger door. Watching him and hearing nothing but her own heart pounding in her ears.

She just wants him to go away. Disappear and never come back. She just wants all of this to be a bad dream.

She really, really wants to wake up now.

But she can't and, after a seemingly infinite stretch of silence, she sees him move. Hears his feet crunch on the leaves as he walks away from her car. A black shape immediately disappearing into the night.

Rey stays frozen to the spot. Not moving even the slightest amount.

Time threads on. She tracks it by the path of the moon across the sky. In enough time she forces herself to uncoil. Make her muscles relax from the fight-or-flight response they'd chosen.

Then she _listens_.

Silence. Nothing but the wind in the trees and the softness of the river against its banks.

There's nowhere for her to go. Other than outside where _that psychopath_ is. So she curls up on the seat of her new car. Hugging herself against both the cold and uncertainty while she watches the night go by and turn into morning.


	5. Complication

Summary:

Where a stranger appears on the scene asking questions, Kylo does a remarkably poor job of convincing Rey that he's not a psychopath, and Rey finally makes a decision. Of sorts.

* * *

Rey dreams about being taken.

It's different than her last nightmare. This time she's watching herself. Seeing herself from the outside like a spectator would.

Someone is trying to take Rey. She's watching as it happens. A dark and shadowy figure, like a ghost made out of nothing but an obscured dimness. She can see Rey being forced to go somewhere. Walking with the shadow down a hallway. Nothing is in focus and she doesn't know why she's so gripped with anxiety.

Dream Rey isn't. That girl looks nervous and unhappy, but not nearly as frightened as she'd have to be to provoke such strong emotions in her audience. She and the figure are walking away, getting farther out of sight. She wants to pull herself back. Desperately. Wants to scream at them to stop as she becomes overcome by a feeling of sheer futility.

And then there's a sudden noise and Rey bolts awake.

For a second she's so disoriented, still partially asleep and half her mind is scrambling out of her dreamscape. She can't remember why she's not in her tent. And then it starts to come back. What _happened_ last night and why she locked herself in-

Someone knocks on her window again and she yelps. Cringing and startled back into the present.

It's light outside and she's in her new car. There's a man standing outside. He's wearing glasses and a tan Park Ranger uniform.

The man bends down and tips his head so he can look into the car. Clearly waiting and wanting to talk to her.

Shaking herself more fully awake, she presses the window button. Of course it doesn't work. She'd need to turn the engine on to accessory mode but she doesn't have the keys. Because _he_ took them.

A large white and green pickup truck is parked right in front of her car. She must have been really out cold to not wake up when it pulled in.

"Miss?"

The voice is muted through the thick window glass and it makes her irritated. Who is this man and what could he possibly want? She's in a legal campsite. If he's trying to chase her off or hassle her for something she's _really_ not in the mood for it.

But he's clearly not going away so she reluctantly unlocks the door and opens it a few inches, keeping her hand on the edge of the frame.

"Yes?" she asks, voice scratchy. It reminds her that she got drunk last night, before everything else had happened.

"I'm investigating a problem in the area, miss. I need to ask you a few questions."

He's got that undefinable 'local' accent. It's not a typical southwestern drawl. Rather, it's the kind of thing where, if someone asked you to place it, you'd have a hard time of it. And he seems slightly unfriendly, his words clipped a little more than just conversationally.

"What sort of problem?" Rey asks, wishing a bottle of water to materialize and ease her dry tongue.

"You slept in your car last night?" he asks.

She quickly glances past the Park Ranger and to her tent. It's still there, just like it was last night. No sign of _him,_ though.

Rey frowns and scoots further back on the seat.

"Ye- why are you asking?"

"Are you alone out here?"

She can't see his face from this angle. She wishes she could to gauge his meaning. It's such a loaded question. Loaded and one that you're really not supposed to ask a stranger.

"Can you step back a little, Sir?"

She tries to make it sound like a polite request. Wanting to get back control over the conversation and absolutely not planning on answering his other question.

There's a slight pause, then he steps back. Enough for her to get out and squint with her sleep-dimmed eyes at the brightness of the morning.

"What sort of problem are you talking about?" she asks again, muffling a yawn into the palm of her hand.

"Another camper said that they heard a disturbance late last night. It sounded like an argument. Do you know anything about that?"

Rey tries to think back to last night. They had both been drunk, but... she doesn't remember their fight being especially loud. Maybe somewhat. And she definitely doesn't remember seeing anyone else in the area.

Except, when she was bathing in the river, she kept feeling as if someone was watching her. She'd just assumed it was her mind playing tricks, but what if it wasn't?

"No, I don't."

She lies out of reflex. In a different world she might ask this man for help, but she can't risk it right now. If she admits to having had an, what do they call it, an _'altercation'_ then this conversation might escalate. Escalate into him asking her questions and wanting to see her ID and then... well, it's better to just play dumb.

"You sure about that, Ma'am?" He doesn't sound very convinced.

"Mhhmm," she murmurs in assent. Still partly asleep and wanting a cup of coffee and a quiet morning to get her thoughts together.

"Can I ask why you were sleeping in your car, Ma'am? Not in your tent?"

Rey fakes another yawn to buy herself a second. Perhaps... perhaps the 'helpless young woman' card would work in her favor here?

"I, uh... I thought I heard some coyotes. I got scared. It's kind of embarrassing, but... y'know..."

Great, she sounds like a real bimbo now. It makes her scowl inwardly but she tries to put a sheepish smile on her face.

The Ranger's mouth twists microscopically then falls back into a professional line.

"Are they dangerous? They are, right?"

"Ma'am?"

"Coyotes? We don't have them back home, but I've heard..."

Her voice fades off when she realizes what she's said. As if her accent didn't give her away enough already.

The Ranger looks her over, then tips his head to the side and looks over into her car. She wonders where that bottle of tequila is. If he sees it, it might be a problem.

"Can I see your ID, ma'am? And your registration?"

 _Shit_.

She can feel that he's getting suspicious. No, more than feel, she _knows_. Somehow. Like with a sixth sense level of certainty. But suspicious for what? Just because she's a foreigner...

"Yeah, sure thing."

Nothing she can do about it. So she pulls out her pocketbook and hands him her driver's license while she sorts through the massive pile of papers and random items in her glove compartment.

"This is... um... Just one moment, ma'am."

He goes back to his truck with her and her heartbeat starts to accelerate. He didn't know what to make of her British license. Now he's going to call it in. Have them run the numbers and... can they find out about her visa from that? Surely not, right?

Rey starts to feel lightheaded. She's been having a lot of that recently, and she has to keep her hands from shaking too badly as she pulls out the registration packet.

 _Focus._

The thought pops into her head just as she hears the Ranger's door slam shut. She sits down in the passenger's seat, trying to look casual.

When he comes back, she hands him the other papers and watches as he examines them. Something's wrong. He doesn't like them. She lets the sensation wash over her, trying to figure out what he's looking for. Looking for and not seeing.

"This is a new vehicle, ma'am?" the man asks, leaning over and looking inside again.

"No, it's about ten year- oh. Yes, it's new for me. Just bought it yesterday."

"If you're traveling alone, whose name is this on the title?" He points to the signature line.

 _'John Alamo'_. Rey has to blink at it several times. Kylo had... had not only signed using a fake name, but he'd chosen such a _ridiculously_ stupid one. Could it be any more obvious? He might as well have... well, he could have used _her_ name. Since it was _her_ car, after all.

"Ma'am?"

Shit, she's really in trouble now. She'd spent all night hoping to never see Kylo again, but right now she could really use him as her alibi.

"That's my friend," she blurts out without thinking. Not knowing any other way to describe him even if she was feeling decidedly unfriendly towards him at the moment. "He's not here."

A long pause as the Ranger looks her up and down. She swallows down her nerves and starts to become lightheaded.

"Wait right here, ma'am. I need to-"

"Nothing is wrong," she reaches out to him without thinking. Touching her fingers lightly to his bare wrist. She doesn't know why she does it, but she just does. Like a reflex.

At that exact moment, everything clicks into place. She stares up at the Ranger, feeling compelled to reach out. To squeeze his wrist with her hand. He fights her. Not physically. He's standing there as if frozen to the spot. But she can sense _something_ wrestling against her. An almost tangible sensation, but not quite.

And she senses something else, too. A pull on herself. Or rather, through herself.

 _Compelled._ That's the word for it. She doesn't think about anything else but... being compelled. Pushing that compulsion through. Her mind going completely blank to everything except that feeling.

The Ranger stares back down at her. And then he blinks and the moment snaps. He leans against the door frame and Rey has to hold onto the edge of the seat under her as a wave of dizziness rolls through her mind. She almost feels nauseous, but is suddenly too weak to stumble away and puke.

That reaction passes instantly, though. And when she looks up again the Ranger is staring blankly at the documents in his hand.

"Can I have those back now?" she asks, her voice sounding so distant in her own head.

He doesn't respond. She reaches out and lightly touches him again. This time just a brief tap to the top of his hand.

"You can have these back now," the man says. Slowly handing her both the papers and her license.

And then her head is clear again. Instantaneously. It's such a jarring contrast from where she was at that, this time, she's sure something is happening.

"That will be all, ma'am," the man continues, a slightly robotic quality to his voice. "That you for your cooperation. This was all I needed to know."

She doesn't know what that means. But she nods and watches him warily. Watches as he turns and walks back to his truck.

She waits until the engine turns on and the truck pulls out of view before letting go of the breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding.

And _goddamnit..._ What a great start to the day, right? But she has other things to worry about. Like what to do about the impending problem who seems hell-bent on turning her life upside down.

* * *

Her problem comes back in less than a minute.

Practically as soon as the truck disappears out of sight, her unwanted companion-slash-stalker comes slinking from around the bend of the path that leads to the water.

Rey's shoulders tighten as she tries to brace herself for their inevitable confrontation.

"Are you alright?" Kylo asks, keeping his hands in his pockets.

He's watching her warily, noticing how she's pulling out a fresh change of clothes for herself. She'd changed into her pajamas yesterday evening, before they'd sat down around the fire. And now she very much wants to be fully dressed and ready to face the day before she's ready to face _him_. Just in case this goes bad – worse than it already is – and she has to run or scream for help.

But his abrupt, though entirely expected, return has stopped her in her tracks. And where to even begin with his question?

She wants to ask him where he was. What he was doing. Why he told her what he'd told her.

Instead, she settles on asking him the most pressing question at that moment.

"You did something to him, didn't you? To the Park Ranger? You did something to make him go away?"

It's another certainty. Just like she'd known when other man was getting suspicious. Things... aren't adding up. And it's more than the tequila hangover and sleep deprivation that's making her loopy. More than just the good luck of finding another idiot who lets her get away with something.

Instead of answering, Kylo shrugs, staring at the ground. She hates it when he shrugs. Hates it so much.

"What is it?" she asks. "Hypnosis? Some sort of... artificial suggestion?"

He doesn't answer. But he looks so guilty, though. And she _knows_. Knows that look.

"Kylo. _What did you do?_ Are you-"

"I'm sorry, okay?" he interrupts her. "I was just trying to help."

He turns around and takes a step towards her tent and away from her. Then he pauses as if he's waiting for her to say something else.

Rey tries to understand his words. Watching him as a hint of red creeps up along his nears and along the back of his neck. He knows she's looking at him. And she knows he has that guilty, downcast expression he always does when he's in the doghouse.

She takes a deep breath. Forces herself to get it over with and just _say it_

"You can't come with me anymore. You have to go."

The words hang in the air between them.

And then Rey curses silently to herself. That was a mistake. Yet another mistake. What she should have done is find a way to get her keys back from him first. Moved this conversation close enough to her vehicle that she can sprint for it if need be. Then, and only then, can she try to get some much-needed answers.

"Can I have my keys back?" she asks, cautiously, when he doesn't immediately respond.

She fully expects him to refuse. Flat out deny having them or simply ignore her like he does when he doesn't want to answer.

Instead, he pulls them out of his pocket. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have taken them."

He steps toward her to hand them over and she instinctively flinches. Takes two steps back. And there's that look of hurt again, the one she saw the other day in the store.

"Sorry. Here."

He tosses them to her, keeping his distance. She tries to catch them but misses and they fall in the dirt between them. Even taking the step forward to pick them up makes her nervous.

She does it quickly, snatching them off the ground. Thinks about running back to her car and tearing out of there. But when she looks up he's staring at her with an almost pained expression. Watching her reactions to him with such careful attention.

When neither of them say anything else, he turns around and goes back to her tent. Starts taking it apart and she wonders if he's really leaving the decision up to her or this is all for show.

"You're afraid of me now."

He pauses with disconnecting the rainfly and stares ahead into the distance waiting for her to answer.

Rey considers his words. Decides on honesty instead of more lies.

"Yes. I am."

"... _Oh_."

And again he sounds so sad. Like he truly didn't expect her to react that way. But then he starts removing the pegs connecting the tent to the ground and Rey has to fight the urge to go over and help him.

"I _have_ to come with you." He doesn't look at her and his voice is neutral. A little stilted with forced casualness.

Rey winces. He's just... he just doesn't _get it_. She knew he wouldn't.

But, since he's trying to be 'nice', she goes over and helps him. Awkwardly tries to fold up the fly in a way that keeps it out of the dirt while he pulls out the support poles and starts disassembling them.

"I didn't sleep in it."

Rey pauses in the obsessive folding and refolding that she had been doing to distract herself.

"What?" she asks.

He keeps his head bowed down and his face turned away from her.

"Your tent. I didn't sleep in it last night."

Right. She wasn't even going to mention it, but she had been wondering. Logically the only place where he would have slept would have been in her tent. Which she normally wouldn't mind. But last night had changed things. The thought of him sleeping there, maybe even in her own bag, was just too personal.

That line's already been crossed, though. She has to keep reminding herself. Somehow, he'd been following her and watching her for weeks. Whatever polite boundaries she thought existed have-

"I meant it, Rey," he turns his head just enough to look at her over his shoulder. "I shouldn't have said anything. I wouldn't have if I'd known you'd be this upset about it."

Rey sputters, her emotions spiking on the same rollercoaster ride her thoughts had been taking these last few hours since his confession.

"You... You didn't think I'd be upset before? After you'd admitted to stalking me and then... what? What were you going to do next, Kylo?"

Rey gives him plenty of time to answer. Waits and watches with increasingly rising hackles as he deliberately ignores her. Only when he reaches around her, picks up one of the stuffsacks right by her feet, does her temper give away.

She hurls the rainfly at him, and he blinks. Has the audacity to look surprised.

"Answer me, Kylo. Right now." she insists, stomping her foot on the bag to keep him from picking it up when he bends down for it.

"Answer me, goddamnit! What are you doing? _What do you want from me?!"_

He looks anywhere but at her. And she wants to know what he's hiding so badly that, on impulse, she reaches out. Tugs on the arm that's holding the tent poles.

She'd only meant to demand his attention, force him to stop ignoring her. But he quickly catches her hand in his own. Holds it firmly when she tries to jerk it away.

"Kylo, don't you even-"

"What do you believe in, Rey?"

Rey's rant abruptly comes to a verbal skidding stop as his question sinks in. Stopping her from her next line about how _goddamn creepy_ he acts sometimes.

"Let go of me right-"

"Do you believe in fate?"

"Fate?"

Everything about this morning is just so... ridiculous. These last few days, really.

"Yeah. Fate, destiny, whatever you want to call it. Events happening because they were meant to. Do you believe in it?"

She scans his face for the slightest hint at where he's going with this. There's none. Just open directness.

So she swallows. Tugs on her hand.

"You're making me uncomfortable." It's all she can think of to say. Sometimes... he seems to respond positively to direct commands.

Proof in action, he immediately lets her go. Surprising her again. Stares at her with that depth of expression she's seen on him only once before.

"I believe in it," he says, looking down at his hand as he closes it and flexes it several times. "That's how I know things. _Knew_ things. Like how I knew I was supposed to find you. Does that make sense, now?"

Rey stares at him. Blankly.

And he frowns.

"What... don't you understand? What part?"

"Everything. All of it. What kind of... How did I get myself into this situation?" she asks. Unable to articulate the tangle in her head.

And maybe _that's_ the core of the question. Not what he's doing to her, or anyone else. But how she let one bad decision spiral so far out of her control.

He doesn't seem happy with her response. Disappointed, maybe. Again making her wonder just what he wants from her.

Then he shrugs it off. Picks up the rainfly from the ground and tugs it gently.

"Fate? How do you feel about it?" he repeats.

She steps off of it and can't help the spark of annoyance at how much easier he can keep it off the ground when he folds it because of his height. Then he moves a step closer to her and Rey crosses her arms over her chest to keep him from touching her again.

Kylo starts to speak. Then stops himself. She can practically hear the gears in his brain moving. "I can show you. If you'd like me to."

Rather than waiting for an answer, he reaches out to her again. This time holding onto her wrist and pulling her closer.

Rey's patience with him immediately buckles and she slaps him.

He flinches, staring at her wide-eyed. But he doesn't let go and it makes her worried. Makes her realize how stupid that might have been for her to do. How much _goddamn_ bigger he is than her. If he wanted to hurt her, he would have no trouble at all.

"Kylo, I..." her voice fades as she starts to feel a little unbalanced. He's doing that _thing_ to her again. He has to be.

"Do you want to know what happened with the Park Ranger?" he asks, lifting the hand on her arm slightly to support her. "I can show you. Then you'll understand."

He doesn't sound angry that she hit him. Not at all. In fact, he almost seems... conscientious. And he's paying such close attention. So focused and compelled.

 _Compelled._

There's that word again. That word that she felt before and now is so excessively distracting that she doesn't notice when his other hand reaches out and cups the back of her head. Pulling her just a little closer.

It's a fortunate thing, too. Lucky that he's close enough to hold her up because it suddenly seems like the ground under her feet has disappeared. Turned on it's access but it doesn't matter because all she can focus on is how he's staring at her. Frowning. Frowning but focused, not angry.

She doesn't know what she feels.

Oh, wait. She does. She feels _compelled_. That's right.

"Close your eyes."

She does it without thinking. And it all comes back to her, then. Every other time he's done _this_ to her. All those other times that she'd forgotten until this moment.

"No, not like the other times. Don't worry. This will be easy for you."

The voice is in her head more than anywhere else. And he's right. It doesn't ache as much as it did before. She still is dizzy and so disconnected from herself. But it's... better.

"Relax, Rey. Just relax and know that you're safe with me."

 _You'll always be safe with me. That's why I'm here._

The last thoughts swirl in her head even as she feels her legs give out from under her. It's the last physical sensation she knows beyond a gentle pressure around her shoulders and below her knees.

* * *

Rey had seen herself.

It had happened just like in her dream. She saw herself in the 3rd person. She saw Rey sleeping in her car.

Except it wasn't _her_ car. It was theirs. That distinction had felt very important, somehow.

She saw herself curled up in the passenger's seat. Felt an urge to open the door and put a blanket over herself. But knew that it would be unwanted.

And they were both so tired but it was her fault that she was like this. So unnecessary. But that's okay, too.

Rey watched herself sleeping for hours. Or at least it felt like that. Watched herself as the sky brightened and she had a nightmare. Saw her twist and writhe, grimacing. Thinks about helping her. Stopping it.

But then a noise comes closer. An engine.

So she pulled away. Stood at a close distance and watched and listened. _Felt_ when she started to get scared.

The urge to show her something was dominant. Behind it was compulsion. Wanting. Proving a point. Seeing if she can do it.

Reaching through herself. Feeling a mind that she's starting to know quite well. Searching for something beyond it. It's hard. She's scared and doesn't understand. But it's there. There in both of them. And it's all the proof she needs.

* * *

Rey wakes up again.

Confused about her surroundings and half expecting to hear that knocking on her glass for a second time. Almost wishing that she would so it could be like Groundhog Day and she'd have a second chance at this morning.

Except this time it's broad daylight. Morning is long gone and she's still in her pajamas.

Of course she still is. Everything that just happened floods back into her. So fast and strange that it makes her close her eyes as her head reels. Holds it in her hands and wait until she feels grounded within herself enough to open her eyes a second time.

It hasn't been very long. Last time... She thinks there had been more than one last time, but now she's not so sure. Regardless. _This time_ she swings the door to the passenger seat open as her mind tries to swing itself into full awareness.

Kylo is putting her tent into the trunk. It's nicely folded and the campsite has been cleaned up. She even sees the half-empty tequila bottle tucked into a far corner. Just looking at it makes her stomach want to heave.

"What did you do to me?"

Her voice sounds off. She tries again, clearing her throat and repeating her question.

His surprise is clear through his raised brows and attentive expression. Then he smiles. That strange smile that doesn't look _right_ on him.

"You're back already?" he asks, a hint of warmth in his voice. "It's only been a few minutes."

He comes to her, then. Lightly pets her shoulder. It makes her shiver and she wants to recoil but she also doesn't mind it.

"It's weird."

He leans down. Tucks his massive hands under her armpits and it tickles her when he picks her up like that. Helps her get on her feet.

"What's weird?" he asks, holding onto her until he's sure she's steady.

She leans against her car. Still needing the support but smacking his hands away.

"What are you doing to me?"

She toys with the notion of him drugging her. But that's not it, is it?

Kylo steps back, giving her space. Watches her stare at him with sea-legs. Then he goes back to the trunk. Lifting up her cookset and pots and pans which she keeps in a large cardboard box that says "Dole Bananas".

"I thought it would be _easiest_ if I showed you. I could have explained, but then you wouldn't have believed me."

He makes one last adjustment, strapping down the loose items, and closes the trunk before going back to her.

"Do you understand now?" he asks.

She doesn't. She thinks she does. She can almost make sense of it. Whatever 'it' is. It's there, but no, she doesn't understand.

"That's okay," he says. She's not sure if she said anything out loud or not. "All you need to know is that's why I followed you. When I first saw you, I knew there was a reason for it. It was more than just by chance."

All Rey can do is stare at him. Pity and fear roiling up together inside her. Kylo – _the Stranger_ – he's insane. Actually mentally ill. He's the first person she's ever met who was this... She doesn't know the word for it.

Delusional. Yes, that's it. He's _delusional_.

But that doesn't explain everything. It explains why he thinks he has to follow her, but not... what he showed her.

Maybe she's losing her mind. The New Mexican sun has finally gotten to her and none of this is really happening.

And yet that's not it either.

It's too much. Altogether too much.

She has to sit down and this time she presses herself against the front tire. Leaning her upper body against the lower parts of her car and noticing how the sun is in the middle of the sky.

"It's noon," she says to no one.

"I know," her no one answers. "We should have lunch, but let's get on the road first."

He looks down at her with concern. Tries to hand her the car keys and she meekly takes them, letting her arm drop back down to her side.

"Kylo."

She doesn't know why she said his name. He really thinks he's telling the truth? Is that it? That he believes what he says because it's _his_ truth?

"Do you really want to be alone?"

He kneels down next to her. Tucks her hair behind her ears then pulls away. His touch tingles on her skin, and it makes her feel just a little bit better.

"Because I don't think you do," he continues when she stares listlessly at him. "I think you've been enjoying my company. Not today, so much, but before you were."

"Are you making an offer?" she asks. Resigned. Feeling tired of thinking. Tired of not knowing. Just plain _tired_. Whatever he did was so exhausting and right now all she wants is to do is pretend.

"We can do that," he says. "Go back to before. We were having fun then, so we can just go back to that, if you'd prefer. Or... Or I can show you some other things. Later on."

He raises an eyebrow. Stares at her and she realizes his implicit meaning.

"But you'd have to be around to do that, right?" she asks, even if she already knows the answer.

He stands up quickly, offering his hand out to her. "Shake on it?"

She rolls her head at him. Close to giving up but also that tiniest little bit of curious. But she reaches out to him, nevertheless. Not touching his hand so he has to meet her more than half way.

"This is not me shaking your hand. This is me accepting a hand up. There's a difference."

He tugs her back to her feet without another word.

Impasse accepted. For now that's enough of a reason to get the hell out of this canyon and move on to... _other things._

* * *

They don't talk much the rest of the day.

Rey spends her time stewing in her own thoughts. Going back and forth over the dubious state of either Kylo's or her own sanity.

She barely even notices the countryside anymore. Not that it's anything too spectacular on the narrow, northbound road they're taking to nowhere in particular. She just picked a direction and they've been following it. It seemed as good an idea as any.

Finally, when the pessimistic silence between them becomes unbearable, Kylo speaks up.

"You seem... irritated. At me. Again."

Rey rolls her eyes at his observation. Scowls into the afternoon sun until it hurts and a dark spot that floats like a ghost in the center of her vision forms. It makes it hard to drive but whatever, it's nothing but flat sands and gravel along this stretch of road anyhow.

" _John Alamo_?" she finally says, intentionally making her voice thick with condescension.

Kylo shrugs. She glares, squinting at him until that dark spot centers on his head like a bullet wound.

"I... needed to use a fake name. 'John Doe' was too obvious, and since we were in Alamogordo I thought-"

"Oh no, I got it. I figured _that_ part out. What I couldn't get is how I didn't notice that you're such an absolute idiot before this."

Kylo fidgets. Then shrugs again. That _damn_ shrug of his... Next time he does that she's going to hit him. Or scream. Or throw his door open and try to heave him out even if she knows she can't.

"You don't really mean that."

She doesn't ask which part he's referring to. Because it doesn't matter. And she swears that if he does that just _one more time_ , she's going to do all three.


	6. The Curtain Closes Between Set Changes

Summary:

Last chapter our duo got a late start to the day, this chapter they celebrate a milestone, and a change in weather brings out a change in sleeping arrangements.

* * *

It's almost three in the afternoon when they stop for lunch.

Rey had pouted and given him icy indifference for as long as she could stand. Some men don't respond to the silent treatment, but luckily for her Kylo appeared to be quite bothered by her cold shoulder.

He'd pointed out things along the way, did his tour guide bit, and even tried _conversing_ with her. Asking her random things about herself or what she felt about this or that topic. She could tell he was getting flustered by her minimal responses. Nevermind that she was also starting to feel like a childish brat, even if she had every reason to be angry with him.

Not that she's letting him off the hook for... everything. Anything. Any and all of it. Not at least until she has time to process these last few days.

But, regardless, she was ready to drop the hatchet between them and go back to pretending they were on their way to becoming new friends instead of being stalker and stalk-ee.

So, when Rey stops for gas and snacks at a tiny and worn out town called Nutt, she gets him a mango slushie from the convenience store. Because nothing says "you're a creepy weirdo but I don't completely hate you" like orange-colored sugar water that took a little trip around a blender with some ice.

She picked out for herself something called "uvas" and was disappointed to discover that apparently just meant grape.

But when she returns to her car, Kylo is nowhere to be seen. There are a few other buildings in the run down shopping center, but she was surprised he'd be willing to go into any of them, the uptight prick that he is.

He'd left the keys in the cupholder. She swaps places with them and the drinks in her hand and has a moment of temptation.

 _Just drive off, Rey. Just do it. It would be so easy._

And yet, when she pictures leaving him behind her in her back mirror, the thought doesn't have nearly the same appeal as it once did. She'd be alone again. Have to go back to doing everything by herself. And, all things considered, leaving Mr. All Black and Pale stranded in Nutt, New Mexico... now _that's_ a pretty terrible thing to do to another human being. Even if they deserve it.

The passenger door opens and he hops in. Hoodie pulled up over his head like the weirdo that he is.

"Went out and robbed someone?"

He frowns at her, then pulls it off and cranks up the air conditioning.

"No. I just... went out for a second."

No further explanation. No surprise there.

"So was this a test?" she asks, handing him his slushie and trying not to giggle as he stares skeptically at it and then wipes the end of the straw with his sleeve.

She pulls out and onto the road, guessing by his pleased expression that it actually didn't taste half bad.

"Was what a test?"

"Leaving me unsupervised with the car keys."

She watches him from the corner of her eye. His brow furrows and he blinks into the distance.

"No. I... did you think about it?"

She shrugs. Feeling a spiteful little thrill of pleasure that the non-committal gesture seems to irritate him.

* * *

" _Ohmygods_ did that just say _'Ghost Town'_?!"

Rey slams on the brakes much harder than necessary. Feeling excessively excited by both the sign and the jittery buzz from the massive amount of sugar in her uvadrink.

Kylo sighs and starts readjusting all the loose items that had taken a tumble in their sudden stop.

"It might have. I've never been on this road before."

They were on New Mexico Highway 27 and heading more or less due north. It was an odd stretch of road that looked like a bland desert trek on the map, but was actually a rather otherworldy basin ringed by dry mountains.

She kept seeing National Forest roads and had to fight the urge to drive on every last one of them.

"I like it here," they had both said at almost the same moment.

Well, at least there was one thing they can agree on.

Rey throws her car into reverse and just backs up the full quarter mile to the turnoff, their car wriggling across both lanes of the road in a serpentine. Kylo rubs his temple but wisely stays quiet. It's not like anyone else was around to see her bad driving habits, anyhow...

* * *

"The Lake Valley Townsite was the location of a prosperous silver mine established in 1872. At one point, it was home to nearly 4,000 residents, though today little remains other than a derelict ghost town. On the north side of the site is... Rey, are you _even_ listening to me?"

Kylo puts the brochure down and watches as she steps inside one of the ruined shacks. Blatantly ignoring the "please keep out of the buildings" signs generously scattered throughout the area.

"Yep! Ghost town! Heard that part!"

Rey trots out and grins at him. In her hand is a rusted can.

"You're not supposed to take any-"

"I'm not! I'm just looking at it. What do you think used to be in it?"

He takes the can from her and tips it over.

"Sand. Or so the clues would lead us to. A can of sand. Mystery solved."

She rolls her eyes at him but hurries on to the next relic. Feeling far too excited to be in her first real ghost town to let her curmudgeon of a companion bring her down.

"Seriously? A ghost town? This is so absolutely perfect!" she calls out to him from a distance.

Kylo puts the can against the side of the building and follows after her. She's already half way down the lot and climbing over the short barrier fence into what the brochure said had been the Lake Valley's school house.

"Having a good time?" he asks, shaking his head as she takes about 30 photos of the same pile of bricks in front of a half-collapsed porch.

She breaks out into a huge smile. It's so infectious he has to sigh and turn away for a moment.

Then she grabs him by his elbow and practically drags him over the barrier to join her. Stands in the shadow he casts while he reads to her about the history of the area.

* * *

They take their time. Stopping at other sites along the way and dipping into several National Forest roads at Rey's insistence. Some of them simply go on and on in a straight line, and some of the roads are so rough and undeveloped that not even their new SUV can pass them.

By the time they find a good spot for the night, it's already nearly dark.

They'd picked a small and mostly unsheltered loop pull-off from the gravel road they'd been on for nearly an hour. The site doesn't offer much, just more sand and sagebrush, but it's starting to rain and Rey wanted to put up her tent before it got any worse.

Unfortunately, the thing about the desert is that when it rains it's usually torrential.

It had begun as a misleading few warm drops that made the ground fragrant and the air thick. Then, just as soon as she and Kylo had started spreading out the groundcloth to her tent, the clouds fully opened up into a massive downfall. Even running the short distance to her car had left them close to soaked.

"Well, that didn't work," Rey comments, throwing her tent bundle into the back seat and tucking her legs in under her and in front of the steering wheel.

Kylo looks over at her, his face largely hidden by his hood. She should get one of those herself, she thinks. Next time they're in a town with a Goodwill.

"Are you cold?"

He reaches into the back and offers her a towel and she shakes her head. They only have the one and it's starting to smell funky.

"It's so pretty over there, look." She points at a mesa in the far distance. The clouds haven't reached it yet and it's lit up by both the moon and flashes of lightning.

Something else catches her eye. A small, circular object is hanging from the rearview mirror next to her Turkey. She looks closer and it's a dream-catcher. About the size of her palm and decorated with turquoise beads.

She reaches out and running her fingers over it, rubbing the smoothly rounded beads. Tied to the bottom of it is a small rusty circle.

Kylo looks out the window, pretending not to notice where her attention is.

"What is this?" she asks. Nudging him with her elbow when he just gives that annoying shrug of his.

"I got it for you in town when you got gas. There was a woman selling them by the road."

A mix of emotions flashes through her. Gratitude and happiness and an odd sort of embarrassment. She's not really used to getting gifts, especially for no reason. Kylo shifts in his seat, frowning slightly.

"I really like it," she tells him quickly, watching how his shoulders relax after her assurance. "What's the metal thing?"

"Um, an old washer. I think. It's from the ghost town."

She grins, rubbing it between her fingers for good luck.

"I thought we weren't supposed to take anything from there?"

He shrugs again. This time she doesn't mind it so much.

* * *

The rain starts to let up after around half an hour.

They didn't talk much during that time. Watched the storm in companionable silence rather than the icy hostility that had been the signature of earlier in the day.

"Do you want to put your tent up soon?" he eventually asks.

She looks out the window. Nothing but pitch blackness and she knows the ground will be soaked into a silty, muddy mess.

"Nhnn... I... think I'd rather stay in here tonight. If that's okay with you?"

Sleeping in the car is nothing new to her, but she hasn't done it since he came into her picture.

He surprises her by sighing. Reluctantly sitting upright and starting to put on his boots.

"Kylo? I meant... you can stay in here, too. I'll sleep behind the steering wheel and you can do whatever you usually do over there."

He pauses mid-lacing on his boot. "Really?"

Such a strange man. He genuinely seemed to think she was going to make him sleep out in the rain and muck.

"Are you sure?" he asks. "I can... I mean-"

"Just lay back down. Weirdo."

Rey says it roughly but he must know that she's only teasing. She leans past him and wrestles her sleeping bag out from the hollow space at the feet of the backseat.

He watches silently as she spreads it out and wriggles inside before turning off the ceiling light.

The storm has mostly passed now and a small bit of the moon is peaking through the clouds, illuminating her gift in a silhouette. She reaches out again and rubs the metal ring.

"So... just trying to be nice to me? Or..."

Or, if this was his attempt at making an apology it's not nearly enough, even if the thought still counts.

"Sort of," he says. Voice deeper and quieter than usual with sleepiness. "I wanted to give you something to celebrate the occasion."

"Occasion?"

"Your six month anniversary in this country."

Rey's hand falls and she sighs very softly. Six months. It felt like so much longer than that. Like a lifetime ago that she stepped out onto the street in New York City for the first time and said to herself _'okay little girl, now what?'_

"You saw that in my passport, huh?"

A prick of annoyance. Him taking that was still a sore point. One that had gotten swept aside during more pressing revelations, but it was still something that bothered her.

She hears Kylo shift in his seat. Knows that he doesn't want to or need to answer that.

"It's okay," she says, letting him off the hook. For now. "And thank you. It's really pretty."

He huffs in acknowledgment. She settles down and watches the how the moon lights up the quickly moving clouds.

* * *

Even though she's tired, sleep is hard to come by.

Maybe it's the change in bedding arrangements or how she's still not used to how her new car smells. Or the fact that she can't remember the last time she didn't sleep totally alone.

Rey passes the time by staring up at the ceiling of her car. The upholstery is a deep grey suede that looks jet black in the dim moonlight reflected off their hood.

"Kylo?"

She knows he's still awake. He _always_ seems to go to sleep only after she does. Without fail.

"What?" he says, voice even deeper than usual from his recumbent posture.

"Do I snore in my sleep?"

She hears a sharp exhale. No answer but his seat squeaks a little.

"Are... are you laughing at me?"

"I'm trying not to."

She's sure she can _hear_ the smile on his face. It makes her want to smack him with something.

Instead she flips over to face away from him. Wads her pillow up and tucks the end under her chin to hopefully keep her jaw closed all night.

He starts huffing back his mirth, trying to fight it. The motion actually makes the vehicle shake a tiny amount.

And she snarls, glaring at where his reflection would be if she could see him in her window.

"So I take it that's a 'yes', then? I do actually snore?"

He clears his throat. Even that sounds happier than his usual.

"Yes, Rey. You snore. Every night."

" _Every ni_ \- and you'd know that because you've been watching me sleep, right? Like the weirdo creeper that you are, you know I snore because you've been stalking me for weeks, right?!"

The car shakes again. This time accompanied by the strangled sound of him failing to fully repress his laughter.

Rey doesn't think. Doesn't hesitate. Balls her pillow up in her fists and hurls it at him as hard as she can. Wants to smother him with it.

And, of course, he makes everything so much worse by fluffing it up nicely before placing it back under her head.

"Here you go, Rey. You seem to have dropped this."

She _growls_. She didn't even know she could make a noise like that.

Then she flops over onto her side again, the whole car jerking with the movement, and spends her remaining waking minutes resolutely ignoring how that damn bastard is smiling at her. She can't see it, but she just _knows_ that he is.

"Rey?"

His voice drifts to her softly, reaching her as she's about to drift off.

" _What?"_

"Would you like to have a nice dream?"

She frowns into the darkness. Turns to look at him even if she can't really see him. Then feels his hand lightly skim her face. Tracing her features as he feels his way along her skin to cradle her jaw. She doesn't flinch away or say a word, but she can feel her breath catch in her throat.

He gently pushes her down until she's laying on her back.

"Sleep," he says.

And she does.


	7. Every Way but Straight to the Point

Summary:

Where Kylo has some things to say, Rey starts to feels like there's a conspiracy against her, and a cheap hotel brings with it of the perils of close quarters cohabitation.

* * *

"So how long were you kept there?"

Rey tries to keep her voice neutral. Conversational and almost cheerful, even. But not too effervescent to take away from the seriousness of the absolutely chilling story Kylo had just shared with her.

"Which time?"

Kylo's voice is distorted as he mumbles it into his palm. He has his chin rested against his hand and is staring resolutely out the window. The portrait of insouciance and disregard.

"Um, the second time. The first one you said you were, what, like 16 or so when..."

Rey doesn't know how to end that sentence. He'd told her he had been placed at a very 'exclusive' boarding school that had been run by his apparently heartless and nihilistic uncle. It had sounded like the far reaches of hell, but paled in comparison to what happened after he'd been thrown out from there.

"I was 17 when it happened. And then I spent a year in the 'system', or whatever you want to call it. They bounced me around from place to place while they did their investigation. And then they finally found a place to put me."

Right. A place to keep him out of the way is what he really means. He's trying to pretend to be so unaffected, but Rey can feel it deep in her bones. Feel the truth of how haunted he is by this.

That's not the only thing he's haunted by, if she chooses to believe Kylo's unique version of reality. But his whole incoherent tale about how his family is _different_ and that's how he's able to... do the things that he can do.

That part was the ramblings of a crazy man. She had more than suspected he was insane, or at least seriously demented, even before he'd told her about his other problems.

But at least he owns up to it. Admits that he's gone off in the head and it's not his fault. And she told him that of course it's not his fault, he's ill, but he just kept on repeating that like he didn't believe her.

"Kylo..."

Rey's voice trails off before the sentence can fully form. It's such an awkward thing to try to give comfort to him. Or to anyone, really.

His face is partially scrunched up. Mostly along the bridge of his nose, but his eyes are squinted and furious. It's not a real anger. She can tell which is which by now. A face so expressive it's an open book even when it's owner is a closed fist.

"Kylo, it's... going to be okay."

It probably won't be. There's absolutely no reason to think that it will. But Rey can't help herself from trying.

She reaches out and catches his hand in hers. He's so much bigger than her that it looks absolutely ridiculous, but she doesn't mind.

A light scratching along the top of his fingers with her nails. Staring straight ahead at the road while he turns his attention from pretending to engage with the countryside to watching as she touches him.

He fingers open a little and hers slips through. Holding her breath until she forces herself to look at him. His lips are pressed together into a hard line and he has his perpetual scowl sunk deep into his features. Apparently feeling every bit as uncomfortable with human contact as she is.

But he doesn't pull away. And, after a few awkwardly long moments, his thumb joins into their mix. Rubbing the outside of her pinkie finger.

"Don't feel sorry for me," he finally breaks their weird and poignant silence.

He looks away out the window again and it's a reminder for her to keep her eyes on the road instead of his unique profile. Every story has two sides, Rey knows that. And given all the ways that Kylo is Kylo, she's willing to bet there's much more to this than him just being an innocent victim. But still...

She nods in response. Not trusting her voice at that moment and feeling overwhelmed as always by her enigmatic companion. Pulls her hand away and chooses to ignore how he hesitates in his grip for a second before letting her.

"There are many people out there who have had it worse than me," he says, addressing the window as much as he is her.

She fidgets. Debates turning on the radio or asking him to look at the map or find any sort of distraction from this. Maybe pull over even if there's nothing here and give them both some air? He's upset and that's making _her_ upset and this whole conversation's just an awful thing that she can't fix even though she's starting to really want to.

"It's okay, Rey. I didn't mean to trouble you with all that. We can change the topic now. Talk about whatever you want to."

He's doing that _thing_ again. The one where he is this enigma that always seems to know exactly what she's thinking.

Body language expert. That's what she'd decided to tell herself. Ignoring what he said which was that he was just "born that way" because that explanation doesn't make sense and she needs sense in her life right now.

So. Yeah. Body language expert. It fits as well as any other theory.

"You're very chatty today," she says, reaching over the dashboard and fiddling with the GPS on her phone. It's currently spinning their little car symbol around in a circle as it tries to find their coordinates.

"You like it when I talk."

True. She does. And he hated it when she'd resolutely ignored him in the past. Talking is good. It's the thing that mature adults do to pass the time and get to know each other better.

Except that this time it lead to a freakish bout of oversharing from Mr. Silent and Broody.

Rey really isn't sure where to even begin with _that,_ though, so she changes the subject instead.

"Did you sleep well last night?" she asks, giving up on the GPS since there's only one road around here anyhow and they're on it.

He makes a weird snorty noise. She looks over and he's smiling at his bent elbow.

"Kylo?"

"It was warmer with you in it. The car, I mean. When I woke up all the windows were foggy."

"Foggy?"

"Mhmm. If that car that had drove by had stopped, they'd have thought that whomever was in here had been getting _up_ to something."

Rey feels her face turn into an odd shape to his words. And especially to his tone. If she didn't know better, she'd have thought her enigma was trying to flirt with her.

Except that would have to predicated by the assumption that he knew half of how what he was saying actually came across at any given moment. And that was definitely something that she was beginning to doubt more and more with each passing day.

"I slept great," she says quickly, rerouting her line of thought. "It's weird because normally it's pretty uncomfortable sleeping behind the wheel because I can't put my feet up on the dash or stretch out fully."

Kylo nods, skeptically measuring the distance between the seat and the wheel.

"Pleasant dreams?"

Rey taps her fingers, trying to recollect. She remembers arguing with him about whether she snores, but then... it gets fogged over with the haze of sleep. She hadn't even remembered a car driving by in the middle of the night, which was something that normally would have woken her up.

"Maybe?" she offers. "I think so. I woke up smiling, so I guess that's a good sign. What about you?"

He shrugs. She rolls her eyes. Maybe she should start punching him everytime he does that?

"Couldn't complain."

Something about that tone... Rey looks at him sidelong. He catches her gaze and holds it. Always with that same stoic intensity that practically radiates out of him.

She looks away. Turns on the radio and tasks him with finding a station other than static.

* * *

At noon something very strange started to happen. Rey started to have an odd feeling.

This was different than the other times when she'd blackout or... whatever had happened to her before.

No, this time she felt odd and uneasy. A faint tightness in her chest and the urge to constantly look over her shoulder.

They'd stopped at a roadside pullover that was high up on a plateau looking down towards a lake called the Elephant Butte Reservoir. The winds had been picking up steadily throughout the day and had snatched the loose items on top of their box of food away as soon as she'd opened the trunk to get it.

Kylo had been sent forth to retrieve them from the bushes at the far side of the lot where they'd been blown to, and that was when Rey had felt it. That awkward, uncomfortable itch between her shoulder blades.

She can't quite place... oh wait, she actually _can_. It feels crystal clear like someone is watching her. She'd felt that before. Two nights ago by the river. At the time she'd just thought it was Kylo creeping like he does.

But then the Park Ranger who'd come by had told her someone had complained about them arguing. She hadn't spent too much time thinking about that after _other_ revelations had come to pass, but now it makes her hesitate.

"Kylo?" she asks when he comes back to her, face sweaty from his chase with the wind and his hair adorably everywhere. "Did you do anything to me?"

He pauses with opening up the jar of salsa for their tacos to look at her curiously.

"Meaning?" he asks.

"I feel... paranoid. I don't know. Sometimes I have those memory gaps, and I thought that... y'know..."

"And you thought that I'd 'done something' to you, right?" he completes her thought. Looking annoyed as the wind picks up again and blows his hair into something resembling a tumble weed. "You're not going to start another fight about that, are you Rey? We've already been-"

"Yeah, yeah. You think you're special, pretty boy. But I just need to know if-"

"No. I haven't."

Rey searches his face for the truth. Squinting from the brightness and his constant difficulty.

Finding nothing, she turns back to the can of beans. Swizzling them around with a spoon like she's reading tea leaves before scooping them into the hard-baked shell.

They eat in quick silence. Hurrying to get out of the constant gusts and back on the road.

"We were alone last night, right?" she asks when they get back in their car.

Kylo gives her a look like she's grown a second head.

"Of course. Why?"

"And the night before then?" She pulls the SUV out onto the road. Pausing for just a moment to check both ways and everywhere around them. No one is visible, but there are hills and trees and-

"We've always been alone, Rey. Every night. That's why we pick the places that we do."

She nods to the truth of his words. Such a strange thought that it's now _reassuring_ to have him around when less than 48 hours ago she'd been so terrified of him.

"Are you alright?" he asks. Reaching out like he wants to touch her forehead, then catching himself and pulling back. They're both sweaty and dirty anyhow, so all he'd get is a messy palm and inconclusive results.

"I'm fine," she says quickly. He retreats back to his side of the car with a frown.

The feeling doesn't go away, though. No matter how many times she looks in the rearview mirror and sees nothing but an open road.

* * *

"Do you think he's really following us?" Rey asks, alternating her gaze between the police cruiser trailing steadily but distantly behind them and her speedometer.

Kylo had been nonchalant about it at first. Then when the cruiser had turned right along with them onto Highway 152 he'd started to take notice. And even moreso when they'd turned left on 187 North and the red and blue lights hadn't missed a move of theirs.

Now they're both irrationally tense. Or perhaps rationally, but Rey keeps telling herself over and over that _they haven't done anything wrong._ Yeah, okay, they did a U-turn way back when, but... you only get a ticket for that kind of thing in the mail, right? She's pretty sure that how it works.

Rey had slowed down a few times. Subtly, not doing anything to draw the policeman's attention to them on the otherwise sparsely traveled road. The car behind them had matched in suit, and Rey's nerves started to fray. Maybe it was all the sun and solitude they'd been sharing so much of recently? It was starting to get to her. Make her paranoid when it was really nothing more than they were heading into the only decent sized town and logically that could where the cop was going too.

That made sense, right?

Except, just to relax Kylo's whitened knuckles and for her own peace of mind, she'd pulled over at a scenic point. Hopped out ostensibly to take pictures exactly like a normal, totally uninteresting tourist would do.

The police car had slowed down. Slowed down to a crawl as it drove past them on the main road. She tried to look at him out of the corner of her eye but didn't want to seem obvious. Kylo wasn't helping _at all_. The way he had his goddamn hood up and kept muttering "better not stop, he'd better not stop" was setting her teeth on edge.

She couldn't see anything about the driver. And then he'd picked up speed and moved on past.

Kylo had stomped back to the car and slammed the door closed so hard that she flinched for the integrity of the hinges.

It suddenly occurred to her that, if they really do have some sort of problem, she doesn't know how he's going to react. Her unpredictable, anger-prone, mood swinging companion literally could try to do _anything_ in a bad situation and all she could do is try to talk him down. Try to tell the angry Rottweiler not to bite.

And if he really was _certifiable_ in the past like he told her that he was? Rey doesn't want to think about it. She knows she really _should_ think about it. But that has to wait for another time when her hands stop shaking and her heart stops racing. Until then, they just need to get into town and get some things taken care of without any trouble.

* * *

Six miles outside the town the police car pulls back in behind them from where he had been hiding by an arroyo bridge. No lights, no sirens. Follows them and maintains their course and speed.

The feeling comes back again. Despite how hot it is even with the air conditioner cranked up, Rey feels her palms get clammy.

Kylo doesn't say a word. Instead all he offers for emotional support is absolutely silence as he glares at the car trailing them with an expression that could only be described as 'murderous'.

Rey swallows and hugs herself around her shoulder with her free arm. Keeps an eye on her speed and doesn't let it go one tenth of a mile over the limit.

* * *

 _Truth or Consequences._

Gods bless New Mexico. Only in the Land of Enchantment could you get away with having a town named named something as stir-crazy as that. As much as she hates it, she can't help but love it.

They'd pulled into the 'TorC', as their map had shortened it, in the very late afternoon when the sun was at an angle and the air was starting to smell with the rich earthy scent of evening. The shadows cast by the retreating light were deceiving, though. A full day spent baking under a level of solar radiation that far surpassed the word 'intense' left everything in it's wake like an oven that would melt long into the night.

Somewhere along the way of darting in and out of the early rush hour traffic they'd lost the police car. Or, far more likely, he'd decided to stop following them for one reason or another.

Between that undefinable event and the blazing temperatures, neither Kylo or Rey were in a particularly great mood. They were both eager to get out of here and back on the road so they'd divided up the necessary tasks. Rey took laundry duty and Kylo had nominated himself to be in charge of groceries. Then she'd handed him a few bills from her hidden stack and they'd gone they're separate ways for a short while.

The waiting room at the laundromat only had bad Mexican soap operas on the TV and Rey quickly grew tired of them. Even without understanding the language she gathered they had the exact same plot twists as the ones she'd seen back home: marriage, sex, affairs, sex, ridiculous villains at a literal shotgun wedding which, oddly enough, ending up leading to even more sex.

When she couldn't stand it anymore, she'd left and walked to the discount store she'd seen down the street a few blocks. Her reasoning being that, if anyone stole their weathered and stinky clothes out of the machines, they probably needed them more than she did.

When she gets back, small bag of new clothes and toiletries in hand, she sees the police car again. Her heart jumps in her throat almost as fast as she jumps inside the laundromat's front doors and out of line of sight.

Okay, it's _a_ police car. She can't tell if it's the same one or not, even if she know in her heart that it _just is_.

A little kid behind her starts laughing after noticing what she's hiding from. His mother looks away from the salacious display on the TV to glare at Rey. Mutters something under her breath in Spanish before pulling her child closer to her.

Rey tries to play it off by yanking their clothes out of the machine and making a show of putting them away. A visual display of _'See everyone, I'm meant to be here!'_

When her audience turns their attention back to the sight of a crying bride dramatically throwing her ring into the ocean, Rey takes the chance to peak out again.

Now there's a large black truck pulled parallel to the police car. The window is down but Rey can't see the driver from her angle. Whoever it is and the policeman are talking to each other. And then a pale hand reaches out and Rey could almost swear that he handed the cop what looked like a roll of money.

Seriously? The police here are so corrupt they'll take bribes on the street in broad daylight?

Rey frowns, staring as the window rolls up and then the truck pulls away. The police car lingers for a minute before moving on down the main road. Only the buzzer on the second load in the drier snaps her back to the moment.

Whatever the hell that was all about, Rey has absolutely no idea. All she knows is that she's only been back in "civilization" for a little over an hour and she's already feeling claustrophobic.

* * *

"Do you want the bed with the burn or the stain?"

Kylo's voice is so thick with incredulity that it makes Rey laugh despite the nature of his question.

She dumps her pile of bags on the faded carpeting and steps inside the room to take a better assessment of her options. There are no right answers in this sort of desperate situation, but regardless..

"Um... I'll take the one with the burn. At least I know what caused that."

Kylo winces. Visibly having to take a moment to handle the unspoken implication of her words.

Yup... looks like a cheap, nasty hotel room. When she went on and searched for the absolute dirt-cheapest hotel outside the 'TorC', this kind of dive is exactly what she expected. It was supposed to be a nice treat after a rough few days but... gods, she hasn't even seen the state of the bathroom yet. That might be the deal breaker to her just sleeping in the car again anyhow.

Kylo reluctantly approaches his new bed. Checks under the frame and then under each layer of covers.

"No condoms or underwear, at least."

"Disappointed?"

He glares at her. She smiles softly to herself, amused by how incredibly easy he is to rile up.

* * *

Okay, the bathroom wasn't actually all that bad. The tile and grouting were black, which mercifully hid the worst of the suspected 'substances' from clear view.

Out of sight, out of mind. That was the mantra Rey repeated to herself as she luxuriated in the decently hot streams of water for so long all the glass surfaces were foggy and the skin on all her toes had shriveled up.

When she finally steps out after what must have been at least 45 minutes, she's in such a good and rejuvenated mood that she doesn't even mind the sandpaper-like qualities of the bathroom towel she wraps herself in. Maybe, if she's careful about it, a couple of these towels might even happen to fall into their trunk on their way out tomorrow.

Then, of course, Kylo has to ruin her good mood by being creepily watching _porn_.

She freezes mid-step on her way out of the bathroom. Unable to fully comprehend that he's just sitting there on his bed watching some girl enthusiastically bouncing away on the TV.

Her immediate impulse is to retreat backwards and pretend that she saw nothing. But, then again, he wasn't actually... _doing anything_. Just was sitting there with a furrowed brow and a slight downtilt of disapproval on his face.

He was holding the remote poised, finger hovering over one of the buttons, when Rey clears her throat.

"Kylo, um... what're you doing?"

Her voice snaps him out of his reverie and he beckons her to come closer. She stays rooted to the spot, suddenly feeling very under dressed in just a worn out hotel towel.

"Check this out!" he says, turning his attention back to the TV and lowering the volume as the girl's sounds increase in pitch. "I think they ripped this off from the other one," he flips the channel, revealing a very similar scene once again. "Or maybe it was vice versa, hard to say. But it's the same setup, same "plot", same girl I thin-"

Rey snatches the remote from him and turns it off.

"Why are you watching this?!" she demands, wondering for the hundredth time what sort of lunatic she's dealing with.

Kylo stares up at her blankly. Then he draws his brows together and has the nerve to look confused.

"It... it was the only thing on that wasn't in Spanish."

He says it with such an overwhelming innocence that Rey almost believes him. Almost believes that this socially awkward man-child genuinely didn't realize that he can't just-

"Oh godsdamnit Kylo..." she sighs and tosses the remote onto her bed. It bounces and falls behind the nightstand. "You really, _really_ don't get it, do you?"

He looks like he's about to defend himself, then stops and looks away abruptly. She'd been digging out clean clothes and wonders if she didn't accidentally just flash him or something.

"Uh, shower. I'll be... yeah."

He gets up and flees the room in a manner quite reminiscent of what she herself had been planning moments ago. Rey stares at the closed door to the bathroom before roughly shaking her head. Clearing her mind of the turbulent direction it was trying to take.

Then she gets changed as quickly as she can and darts under the covers of her bed. Tries to think about anything but how her happy-go-lucky solo roadtrip has gotten so far and strangely off course.

* * *

Author's Note:

Getting a little writer blocked on this story, hence the kind of disjointed chapter. I have a pretty detailed outline worked out, but I keep looking at it and think it's too slow moving or needs a masked man with a gun to appear* or something to pick up the pace. But on the other hand, I'm really enjoying writing this piece BECAUSE it's more laid back and centered on ambiance and gradual pacing. I dunno...

But do please let me know if the story starts dragging or getting too slow, I can certainly goose it up a little if it needs it.

*Alfred Hitchcock's advice for when you think a scene is slow: send in a man with a gun. Guaranteed drama no matter what!


	8. Yes, I am Sequenced

Summary:

Where an awkward morning is interrupted by an unwelcome stranger and our Duo once again face off on Rey's suspicions about her companion. They might finally be making progress, though...

* * *

That night, Rey remembered her dream.

Which turned out to be a very unfortunate and awkward thing, especially given her current cohabitation arrangement.

The act of dreaming had become an overall hazy and muddled experience over these last five strange nights. Sometimes she would recall bits and pieces of what happened in her head, but when she did they were usually things she'd much rather have forgotten. Other times, like the night before when they'd slept together in her car, she was left with just the faintest ghost of a pleasant memory. Something that told her _hey, let's have some fun._

And that was exactly what the problem was now. The dream Rey had just woken up from had been very, for lack of a better term, "suggestive".

Oh, she'd been having some fun in it alright. But then she'd woken up with a racing heart and sweaty palms and her sheets tangled and bunched up together between her legs.

For a moment, she was too paralyzed by embarrassment to make her eyes open. Half of her mind was absolutely stricken with mortification that she'd just had a freakin' sex dream when she wasn't completely alone. Because what if she'd been... noisy? Or had moved in her sleep against her pillows like a rottweiler in heat or something like that?

But then the other half of her mind had been the little devil on her shoulder. The naughty voice whispering to her to just go back to sleep because they weren't finished yet.

And oh no. She very much is finished with _that_ particular line of thought, thank you very much.

Rey forces in a breath then forces her eyes open. Stares at the off-white stains on the ceiling until her nerve rises enough for her to look over to the other bed. Pleading and praying to no one in particular that Kylo was still asleep and hadn't any idea that she had just been dreaming of how lovely his head would look if it was between her legs.

If he knew, somehow, then she might just have to lock herself somewhere far away and never, ever show her face to him again. Because _how could she_ if he did?

Luckily, her prayers were answered. Kylo was still asleep.

Rey tries to creep out of her bed as quietly as she can. Untangling the bleached and coarse hotel cotton from around her legs and holding her breath when she feels just how thoroughly her dream had effected the lower half of her.

The worn out frame of the bed creaks and Kylo groans under his breath.

He rolls over, still deeply asleep, and Rey takes a second to look at him. _Really_ look at him. It seems like she can only do that when he's asleep and so unguarded and kind of adorable. She'd called him "unusual" before, which he definitely is. But maybe because she's gotten used to how weird he looks because it's completely overshadowed by how strangely he _acts._ Regardless, it seems clear to her now that she's starting to notice things that had escaped her before.

Unable to help herself, she impulsively glances over him up and down, only to have to abruptly look away.

Apparently she hadn't been the only one having an interesting dream, at least judging by the evidence of his lower half.

In the blink of an eye Rey grabs her things and flees into the bathroom. Telling herself that it's all totally and perfectly normal for both of them and...

Well, that's a definite advantage of being a girl: you can have _that_ sort of dream and the only thing you'll have to show for it when you wake up are blushing cheeks.

* * *

Rey had taken another shower. A very cold one.

Not that she really needed to get clean again, but she wanted to give Kylo time to wake up and compose himself or... do whatever he needed to do in private. If he was so bold.

Plus, whenever the opportunity to wash up presented itself, she wanted to take advantage of it. Leave the hotel room with still wet hair so that she knows she has the absolute longest time between having to wash it again.

Kylo was in the shower now. He struck her as the type that would have liked to wash twice a day anyhow, road trip or not.

When she'd gotten out he'd been distant and she'd been awkward. No _did you sleep well-_ s were exchanged between them this time, but at least his "problem" was no longer in evidence. No questions asked and any attempts that the background of her mind made at speculating were immediately squashed down.

Then Rey had gotten that same, awful feeling of nervousness that she'd had before. Like a burglar alarm was going off in her head.

She'd peaked through the blinds at her SUV just to make sure it was still there.

A black pickup truck was parked next to it.

She snaps the blinds shut and steps back.

Okay. _Okay._ This is freaking New Mexico. Half the state drives a pickup truck and the other half are usually in a beat up Jeep that's been lifted well higher than what was probably street legal.

Then there's a knock on the door and Rey could swear her heart stopped beating for a moment.

She thinks about not answering, but then whoever it is knocks again. Much louder this time.

Kylo is still in the shower. She can hear the water running and he usually takes at least twice as long as she normally does. But, as much as she doesn't want to deal with whoever is bothering them, it would probably be much worse if he were around right now. So unpredictable and abruptly angry, and this could really be about nothing.

 _You're an adult. You can handle this yourself_.

With that as a mantra, she opens the door. Just a few inches, and blocks the view inside the room with her body.

A man about Kylo's age is standing there. He looks her up and down without saying a word. Then he tries to peer over hear head and she wriggles the door in closer behind her.

"Can I help you?" she asks. Squinting against the sharp sunlight reflecting off the windshield of her SUV and into her eyes.

"I'm involved in a missing person's case, Miss. I have a few questions for you."

He talks smoothly, in perfectly clipped tones. Rey frowns up at him, suddenly feeling rather short and feeble.

The man is tall, lean, and pale. He has perfectly combed back red hair and something about his icy expression is vaguely unsettling. Like he's both literally and figuratively looking down on her.

He doesn't ask for any sort of permission to talk to her, and that might be what annoys her most. Tips her rising nervousness into irritation instead.

Whatever he wants, he's not going to get much from her with that attitude, that's for damn sure.

"Can I come in, Miss?" he prompts when she doesn't reply to his pronouncement.

"No. You can't."

She says it flatly and definitively. He raises his eyebrows and steps a little closer as a maid moves past him with her cleaning cart.

 _Okay_. The man's quite a bit taller than she is. And he doesn't seem especially friendly, either. But at least she's not alone here. There are plenty of other people around and for once that's a source of relief instead of a creeping discomfort.

"What sort of... what does this ' _case_ ' have to do with me?" she asks quickly when she thinks she hears a soft noise from behind her.

The man looks her over from head to toe. It's in a very critical and detached sort of way, but still... how rude. Rey frowns, annoyance and a little sense of caution prickling at her.

"Do you have any identification that I can see, Miss?"

He wants to see her ID? So... he really is a policeman after all? _Well shit_ , maybe she should have been more polite to him.

She almost steps back inside to get her purse, then catches herself when she thinks better of it. Cranes her head and looks past him at his truck.

No insignia on its paneling. No badge or official marking on the man's clothing, either.

"You're not a police officer, are you?"

"No, Miss. I'm not."

"Then you don't get to see my ID. Show me yours first and then I'll think about getting it."

He reaches into his pocket and her heart sinks a little. Fuck, what if he's, like, an FBI or CIA agent? Or whatever branch it is that tracks down wandering English girls who shouldn't be in the country anymore. But following her all this way? Out here in nowhere land? Isn't that a lot of effort for someone who's just bumming around harmlessly?-

She expected him to pull out a badge. Instead he holds up a picture.

"Do you recognize this man?" he asks.

She squints at it, looking at the long-distance image of Kylo. Of course it would be him. She'd known what it was the moment she saw it. But she takes it from the man anyhow. Pretends to consider the image closely.

It looks like a printed still from a security feed. Kylo walking next to a brick wall. He's wearing the same black hoodie and jeans that he was when she first met him. He's not really _doing_ anything in it, though. Just walking. It reminds her oddly of the dream she'd had several nights ago when they were camping by the river.

Honestly, she was surprised that it wasn't a mug shot. She wasn't sure exactly what Kylo was running from, but a mug shot would have matched up with most of the theories she'd been mulling over.

In the picture, though, he certainly doesn't look dangerous. So at least there's that.

"Where was this taken?" she asks.

The security still and brick wall tell her nothing. It could have been taken anytime and anywhere, though it must have been pretty recently.

The stranger sticks out his hand but she holds onto the picture. The hand falls and a flash of annoyance crosses the man's face.

"So you _do_ recognize him, then?"

"I never said that. And no, I don't," she lies. Looking up at the man to see if he believes it. His face is unreadable.

"Really? Are you sure about that?"

She frowns. Nods and hands the picture back. He takes it away quickly, tucking it back into the pocket of his jacket and regards her again.

"Why are you... looking for him?" she asks, finding it hard to keep her voice steady. This whole thing is just so bizarre and, once more, she has more questions than answers.

And she realizes that she doesn't hear the shower running anymore. Had he noticed that, too? This other man with the attitude and impatient grimace.

"I'm _investigating_ a case," he repeats. "I've been informed that a man matching his description was recently seen in a town south of here."

"...okay? What of it?"

Rey thinks back to all the places they've gone in the last few days. For the most part they kept a pretty low profile, but-

"A mechanic by the name of Sal Esperanza said he came into his shop on Thursday," the man interrupts her line of though. "He claims that he was with a young woman and they conned him into making a bad trade. Do you have anything to say about that, Miss?"

It's Rey's turn to frown. That... that _asshole_. Sure, they traded him a hooptie and basically ripped him off, but it was his own damn fault for agreeing to it. But that might also explain why they were being followed yesterday. Had he reported their car as stolen or something? They have the title but it's in a fake name and a blatantly obvious one at that.

"Miss?" he repeats. "Do you know anything about any of that?"

"No, I don't."

She wants to ask him more questions. How did you find me here? Why are you looking for him? _Is he dangerous?_

But she stays silent. This "investigator" or whatever the hell he is, is starting to creep her out. She doesn't like that he refused to tell her anything, really. Just the vibes coming from him are... off-putting.

After a few tense moments, he nods. Reaches into his coat again, this time pulling out a pen and a card. He writes something on the back of it and hands it to her. She silently accepts it but stays quiet.

"That's my contact information. Let me know if you change your mind and have something else to say."

She doesn't know what that means. But she nods and watches him warily. He turns and gets into his truck. Starts to pull out then stops to look over at her car and writes something down. Did he-

No. Vehicles in New Mexico don't have license plates on their front, only in the back and with the way they were parked he couldn't have seen it. So he was doing something else, then.

When he leaves the parking lot and disappears out of view she shuts the door. Locks it both both the top and bottom deadbolts.

Kylo is watching her as she quickly starts packing up their belongings that are scattered around the room.

He doesn't say anything, though, and that brings her annoyance sharply back into the forefront.

"You know who that was, I'm guessing?" she asks, tossing him a plastic bag and gesturing to the laundry that they'd spread over the furniture last night because they were still a little damp.

Kylo sighs. Then pushes away from his sulking spot along the far wall and gets to work.

"Er... yes. He... worked at the institution I was in."

Rey pretends to be very focused on matching his socks that they'd bought earlier in Alamogordo. The fact that he'd insisted on them being all black but of slightly different styles wasn't helping but at least it gave her something to do as her companion struggled to explain.

"When I was _let out_ , there were... some people who didn't agree with the decision. I think he was sent to find me."

Rey looks up at that. Watches as he hesitantly picks up her panties on the arm of a chair and drops them into the laundry sack as quick as he can.

She wants to ask him about the odd emphasis on _"let out"_ , but he looks like he's having a hard time talking about any of this. Later, then. Definitely.

"Why would he be looking for you at all? Just because that mechanic had a hissy fit and-"

"We made a deal," Kylo interrupts with almost a growl. Apparently defaulting to anger but Rey knows it isn't directed at her. "If he didn't like the terms of the deal then... well, tough shit."

That more or less took the words out of her mouth. She kind of wishes that he'd put the SUV in at least one of their real names, though.

"Okay, so, we should be okay then, right? With the car?" She gets up and starts hauling their bags next to the door. Have them all ready so that they can get out of there as quickly and in as few trips as possible.

"Yes, but... he may come back at some point. I can't guarantee that he won't."

Kylo has his back turned to her and she wishes she could see his face. It's harder for him to disregard her when they're making eye contact, she's discovered.

"Why?"

He shrugs. He shrugs and she feels her patience suddenly about to snap when he turns to her. The expression on his face is so strained that she forgets the sharp retort she was about to make.

"Kylo? What's wrong?"

Instead of answering, he comes over to her. Reaches out and catches her shoulder before rubbing her arm up and down.

It's such and odd and out of character gesture from him. She holds still, though, and lets him do it. Whatever _it_ is. The simple touching seems to mean something to him and how strange it is to think that she almost doesn't mind it now when a few days ago she had locked herself in _her_ car to keep away from him.

"What did he mean by ' _missing person'_ , Kylo?" she asks.

He inhales and exhales. His enormous chest lightly making contact with her from the movement. Then he presses his hand to her forehead and closes his eyes.

For some reason, Rey expects to collapse into his arms. To black out and wake up however many hours in the future. She doesn't know why, but she braces herself for it anyhow.

Except she doesn't. Not this time, at least.

Instead, she sees an image. It's like she watching the TV, but sitting so close the edges of the screen all but disappear.

There's an older man. That's what she sees. A really handsome, rugged older man. But as soon as she thinks that the fingers on her shoulder squeeze just a little bit too hard and the thought flickers away faster than confetti in a breeze.

The man is arguing with Kylo. She can't hear what they're saying because her TV's stuck on mute, but whatever it is seems extremely heated. Kylo is absolutely furious. She's seen him pissed off many, many times but never with this intensity. The man is reaching out to him. Like he's trying to stop him from doing something.

And then the image in her head abruptly stops.

* * *

Rey comes back to reality in waves. Firstly aware that she's sitting on the bed in their hotel room. Then of Kylo next to her, his arm around her shoulders in a side-hug. He's rubbing her temple softly with her thumb and staring at the door to the outside.

"Where are our things?" she asks, voice softer and higher than it normally is.

"I took them out already. We need to go soon. It's almost checkout time."

"Oh."

It's all she can think of to say. They sit like that for another long moment and Rey almost feels like nodding off again. Leans her forehead against his warm chest and wriggles in closer but he jostles her awake again.

"Rey?"

He tries to pull away and she clings. Pressing her face against him and he freezes, his breath tickling her scalp.

"What?"

"The man that I showed you? It's really, _really_ important that you say you I had nothing to do with him disappearing. Like, if someone shows you a picture or tells you anything, you can't believe them, okay? Don't believe a single word without letting me explain first."

She stares at the pattern of paisley on the faded carpeting. It seems to move and flow for a second but then she blinks and it starts to come back together.

Kylo shakes her again. Lightly.

"Rey?"

"Was he your father?" she asks out of the blue. Only half knowing what she's saying and more or less running on instinct.

He sighs. Tries to pull away from her again and this time she lets him.

"Yes."

She watches him go to the sink and fill up a little plastic cup with tapwater before bringing it to her. Randomly she hopes that he-

"I filled all our water bottles up," he says, finishing her thought before she could speak it. "Even the really big one. We've got enough now for several days at least. Maybe even a week."

"Are we going somewhere?"

She finishes the cup in two gulps. The tapwater in Truth or Consequences tastes like limestone with a touch of sulfur. It must have something to do with all the hotsprings in the area.

Kylo helps her gets to her feet. Straightens up her clothes before doing a last-minute check of their room.

"We are right next to the Gila Mountains. They're one of my most favorite places. I thought we could really get into them. Tear up the back roads and-"

"Get as far away from civilization as we possibly can out here?"

It's Rey's turn to finish his sentence. He smiles at her. It makes him look even more like the older man that she'd just seen.

"Do you want some more water?" he asks.

She nods before calling out to his back.

"Kylo? You know you need to start talking to me, right? I want to get the hell out of here too, but... tonight. Okay?"

He comes back to her with another cup. She takes it and looks up at him. Square in the eye and with a determined tightness to the set of her jaw.

She'd expected him to look away. Or do that _damn_ shrug of his.

Instead he's still smiling. Less than before, but the edges of his mouth still have a warmth and softness to them.

"Okay, Rey. Tonight."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

She tosses the plastic cup away in the wastebasket and looks over at the sink. The towels that were hanging there are gone. Hopefully in their trunk.

"Good boy. Now... just how much do I need to brace myself for this?"

There comes the shrug. She rolls her eyes but allows him to gentlemanly open the door to the almost implausibly bright outdoors.

"I don't know how to answer that," he says. "Maybe... that I don't have any luggage with me, but I've got a whole lot of baggage?"

Rey frowns. Stopping mid-step to her car as she ponders his words. Then she realizes that maybe her Kylo was actually trying to make a joke?

"That's really, really not funny, Kylo."

He shrugs again. Like he always does. Shrugs and she lets the conversation drop as she climbs into the driver's seat. Feeling so much more than ready to get out of here. Get back on the open road and find a nice, quiet space to confront Kylo and _demand_ he stop stringing her along and just lay his cards on the table.

* * *

Author's Note:

Kind of a short chapter but I wanted to just go ahead and post it like it is to commit me into certain plot points that I kept going back and forth on. But hey, at least they're slowly working their way towards that "M" rating. Took them long enough to finally get a little pent up around each other.


	9. Moving Forward like the Tide

Summary:

Where Kylo and Rey try to work it out, Rey figures out what she'd been forgetting, and a day full of ups and downs comes to an unlikely ending.

* * *

"I'm not dangerous, Rey. I'm totally cured. He had absolutely promised me that I was."

The fact that Kylo was so uncharacteristically chatty while protesting his innocence cast a shadow of doubt over most of what he'd been saying.

Rey tries to put it all into perspective. Apparently he had been in some sort of institution because his family had put him there. Or so he had claimed. She's pretty sure he's not full-on lying about that, but there's definitely some careful repositioning of the truth going on.

"Kylo..." she starts to say, then her voice trails off. She gnaws on the tops of the knuckles of her free hand that's not driving and he plays with the seatbelt across his chest like it's choking him.

Where to even begin with him, though? So many things still to be said and she thinks about pulling over because she keeps pressing down on the gas pedal without realizing it. A visual metaphor for how she's feeling at the moment. But, once again it's getting later in the day and they haven't covered enough ground to get out of the flatlands and into potential camping in the mountains.

"Okay, Kylo," she tries again, flicking on the cruise control to help her control herself. "Let's say I believe you. You had some problems, and then you got some help and got better. That's all great, right?"

"Mhmm."

Now he has his head flopped back and is staring at the swirling textures of the ceiling upholstery. Normally he'd either look outside when he's trying to avoid her or stare at her like he has an idea but isn't sure if it's a good one or not.

Rey tries to shrug his strangeness off. He's in one hell of a weird mood, even by his standards. But that's fine, as long as he's _talking._

"You don't trust me," he comments, sighing and rolling his shoulders up and back against the headrest.

 _Because I have no reason to._

"Because you're not making sense."

She feels him reach out and lightly touch her face. Skim the pads of his index and middle fingers along her cheek before she slaps him away.

 _That_ whole touching thing he does to her sometimes is a whole other issue in and of itself. But he immediately retreats back to his half of the car with a pout and she decides to drop it for now in lieu of more pressing concerns.

"So if you're 'cured' and it's all bonafide and certified or however the release procedure went, why are you being followed? Why are _we_ being followed? If you were let go, then what's the problem?"

A vehicle crests over the gentle hill in the horizon. Rey immediately scowls at it until it gets close enough for her to see that it's nothing to worry about. Just another passenger car.

Maybe she's been out in the desert for too long. She's starting to feel a little feral more often then not now.

Kylo scratches at a puckered area of the fabric on the roof. It starts to separate from the backing above it and he pushes it back into place.

"When I was released... maybe it wasn't fully official. Maybe some people said I still needed to be in there."

"Maybe?"

"Maybe. My doctor had said I was cured and he was the only one who really wanted to help me. He knows me better than anyone else, so when he said I was fixed wouldn't he be the one to know?"

Rey frowns, slowing down again when she catches herself speeding despite the cruise control. Forces her foot off the pedal and scoots back deeper into the seat.

"Wouldn't your parents... well, what did they say about it?"

"What they said doesn't matter."

"But they were the ones who put you in there?"

"Yes. And they don't matter."

An odd tightness fills her chest as he talks about his family like they were nothing to him. Maybe they were, but it's still not right.

"So they didn't agree with you being let go?"

"Of course not. They probably wanted me to stay there forever so they wouldn't have to deal with me."

It's a powerful statement. One that compels Rey to finally pull over before she gets them in an accident. The overgrown dirt track she picks doesn't go over far, just a few hundred feet off the road before ending in a barbwire fenceline. The metallic scratching of sagebrush against the undercarriage of her SUV drowns out everything else until she comes to a stop and turns the engine off.

"Are you sure about that?" she asks. Toying with her keychain ornaments while trying not to sink under the weight of his gaze on her.

"Yes. But don't be upset about it, it doesn't matter. My doctor was the only one who wanted to help me."

He reaches out and places his hand on the parking break between them. She wonders if he's hoping she'll hold it like she did the day before when she was trying to comfort him. This time she doesn't, though.

"So were they the problem, then? You parents? They tried to stop you from being released and..."

Rey trails off, hoping he'll finish the thought. He shakes his head.

"I don't think they knew."

"But it wouldn't have mattered if they did, right? Because you're an adult?"

He nods. A pause, then she mirrors him.

"So what happened next after that? You got released and now you're being followed. What happened in between the two events?"

He hesitates then takes her hand on his own accord this time. Traces and plays with each of her fingers and she gets the strongest feeling he's trying to buy himself time.

Another car races by on the main road. She watches it in the rearview mirror as it fades into the horizon until Kylo clears his throat and brings her attention back to him.

"My doctor let me out. He was a good man and he told me that I'd been in there long enough. That I was cured and there was nothing more he could do for me but..."

His voice fades and she chews her lip. Lightly wraps her thumb around his hand and he blinks at the gesture.

"But what?" she asks.

"But... but the state still wouldn't let me go. My mother is in a very powerful political office. Dr. Snoke found out that she had been secretly pulling strings to keep me in the institution forever. Probably so I wouldn't get out and embarrass her."

Rey scans her memory for knowledge of American political figures. Other than the top three or four most prominent she's drawing a blank. Especially to anyone who might fit the description of Kylo's mother.

If what he's saying is true, though, then a lot of things are starting to make sense.

"Sounds like you escaped from a bad situation."

It's the most diplomatic thing she can think of to say.

Kylo nods, carefully untangles his hand and pulls away from her.

"Dr- My psychologist helped me out so much, I wish I could pay him back somehow. He told me that he was sure he'd be able to get the escape charges cleared, but it would take some time. So I have to lay low until I hear back from him."

Rey blinks.

"Until you hear back from him?"

"Yes. That's what he said."

Except he doesn't even have a phone. Rey keeps that thought to herself, but that one detail throws her off completely. He doesn't have a phone, and doesn't seem to really know how to use hers, so how could he ' _hear back'_?

Unless, somehow, this Dr. Snoke knew that Kylo would cross paths with her. But that doesn't make-

No. It was _random_. Their meeting like that was completely random.

Kylo had spouted some nonsense about 'fate' but that's just the sort of crazy talk that he does. Half the things he says don't actually mean anything, and the other half seem mostly to misdirect her into feeling irrationally endeared towards him. It's kind of working, too, but that part is definitely her own fault.

"Just what sort of ' _psychologist_ ' did you have?" she finally asks.

"Technically he was a psychotherapist."

"Um, what exactly does that mean?"

"He taught me how to access my subconscious through analysis and cognitive behavioral therapy."

 _Cognitive behavi_ -

All that makes Rey think about is One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. She actually had rather liked that movie when she'd seen it a long time ago, but when confronted with the prospect of a real-life version?

"That sounds scary, Kylo."

He turns to her again, this time unbuckling his seat belt so he can lean in closer. She scoots as far away as she can while still being subtle about it. Suddenly feeling acutely aware once more about how little she really knows about this man sitting next to her.

"It _wasn't,_ Rey. Not at all. It was actually very helpful. Dr. Snoke helped me a lot."

There's so much pure conviction in his voice and Rey doesn't know what to make of it. Even less so when he grips her shoulder and pulls her back into the seat she'd half edged out of.

"Do you understand now, Rey? He helped fix me. And now I'm cured."

He's staring at her again, and this time it's with an expression that completely counteracts his words. Even if she doesn't have much firsthand knowledge of mental illness she's pretty sure he's well past toeing the line.

And what does that say about her? She's here with him of her own free will after all.

 _Or is she?_

The thought creeps into her as she looks away out the window. Watches the silt catching in the wind through the prairie. There's something there. In her head, not outside. Some little pieces inside of her mind that are trying to get her attention. Wanting her to put them together.

" _Rey?"_

His hand on her arm squeezes and she feels herself start to get foggy. And _that_ _'s_ so familiar, isn't it? That sense of pressure and-

"You're trying to do something to me again, aren't you?" she mumbles.

The softness of her words matches the fog in her head. Except she fights against it this time, and it's a sensation like she's falling into a tunnel. There is a sensation at the end of it waiting for her and she closes her eyes.

"What are you looking at, Rey?"

His voice comes through in waves. She knows what will happen. That's the only thing that clear to her now when everything else is so muddled. She'll wake up in a few minutes sick as a dog. He'll be right there. Fussing over her and the sun will be only starting to rise through the pines just like-

Her eyes snap open.

And she's right where she was before. He's still holding her, but this time the intensity in his face is gone and he's smiling.

"Did you see anything, Rey?"

 _Do you get it now?_ The words come thorough so clearly even if his mouth never moves from its tightly pressed line. _Do you get why I chose you? Why were were brought together?_

Instead of answering, she stares at him. Almost feels as if she can see through him. Very nearly. And when she reaches her awareness out to _it_ she finds something else instead.

"You've been controlling me."

Her voice is robotic as her mind finally reaches the top. His smile falters then falls.

"Rey-"

" _No._ "

She pushes him off her roughly. Why was he so much into her space anyhow? The _presumptuousness_ of the man. Then she throws open her door. Stumbling out and getting tangled in her seatbelt and the numbness that her legs had become.

"Rey, come on," he calls out to her. "Don't be-"

Kylo tries to catch her but she shoves him away so hard she falls out the door. The rough rocks and broken earth of the ground cutting into her palms that catch her from hitting face-first.

As soon as she gets even this amount of distance from him, though, her head starts to clear.

"Is that why you were always with me?" She chokes on the dust filling in her lungs. "Is that why you were always hovering around me when I blacked out? So that you could keep going until you'd made sure I'd forgotten everything?"

Rey starts to get to her knees just as he comes up behind her. Reaches out to hold onto her shoulders and help her up, but she's faster. She slaps him _hard_ right across that damn scar on his face and pushes him back from her.

He stumbles. Slightly. His monumental mass keeping his feet firmly in place.

And he has the nerve to look upset. Shocked, but also hurt when she shoves him again. Making him take a single step backwards and give her some _fucking_ breathing room.

"How many times did you do it, Kylo? How many times did you trick me or _whatever_ the fuck it is that you can do?"

He doesn't respond, though. Instead leans against the frame of the car and tries to make himself smaller.

"Answer me!" she demands. Voice raising and fists clenching. So angry that common sense is starting to leave her. "How many times did you force yourself onto me?"

He looks so horrified at that and she immediately regrets her choice of words. "I never-"

"I didn't meant _that_. I meant..." her anger slips a little and she has to fight to keep it overflowing. Inhales and has to force herself to stay mad and not fall for his wounded expression and puppy-dog eyes like half of her personality so wants her to do.

"Rey, _please_."

It's all he says and she takes another deep breath to collect herself. Squeezes and releases her fists to let off excess energy. Kylo stays stock-still, watching her quietly.

"How many times did you do that to me?" she says after a few breaths. "Tell me because I need to know."

For a long moment she thinks he's not going to answer. The sand in the wind stings her eyes. She wants to slap him again and she also wants to cry.

"Only twice," he finally says. Straightening himself and pushing away from the car. His face is in the sun and he has to squint against it, making him look so angry and menacing even when she can feel that he's really only desperate.

Rey has to force herself to keep her ground. Not to cower or flinch when he stands in front of her. So close that he could easily do anything to her and so big that she'd be powerless to stop him if he wanted to.

"I would never-"

"I know," she stops him before he finishes. And she means it. Despite all the friction and adversity between them, she has an odd sort of trust towards this man that she's known less than a week.

The wind's picking up with the progression of the day. Normally they would start looking for a place to spend the night around this time, but this conversation takes precedence over everything else. Settling this is so important to her that she's barely even aware of her surroundings right now.

"So when was it? When did you do it?" she wipes her face. Feels the dirt and dust settle into the wet tracks on her cheeks that she hopes against hope he can't see with the sun in his eye and her face in shadow.

He reaches out for her and she glares. Shakes her head and his hand drops back down. He buries both of them in his pockets before answering her.

"When we first me, by the Ranger's Station. That was the first time. Then it was the next day. When you tried to dump me like an unwanted dog by the side of the road."

His words make her throat constrict even more. Dump him somewhere like his parents did to him, is what he was probably getting at, and it's such an awful comparison that she feels herself start to give in.

"That's it?" she asks, voice as rasping as the dirt still buried into her palms.

"Yes. That's it."

Then he pauses and seems to think about it.

Her shoulders fall.

"Oh Kylo..." _if we can't be honest with each other-_

"There was another time. Two nights ago. But that was different."

Two nights ago? She'd slept in the car because it was raining. How could he... Why would he need to force her to-

"You couldn't sleep," he explains without her asking out loud. "You couldn't sleep and so I helped you. And I showed you a dream of when I was younger. Before everything else."

She doesn't remember much about that night. Only talking to him about the dream catcher he'd given her and then she waked up with a smile on her face. Not at all unlike this morning when she'd also been smiling, but for entirely _different_ reasons.

"You can do that? Make me dream of... things?"

Her voice is slightly uneven. Still hoarse from her constricted tears but now also with a blush rising up to her cheeks and making the skin on her neck and chest feel exceptionally itchy.

Kylo starts to say something then stops mid-syllable. His eyes grow wide despite the bright glare of the sun.

"Last night, did you, er, _dream_ about anything in particular?" he asks.

He looks so uncomfortable. She feels so uncomfortable.

Rey tries to think of any possible way she can phrase her answer. But then she sees the deep ruddy colors across _his_ face and that's all the proof she needs to condemn him.

"Kylo?" she takes a step closer and grits the words out through her teeth. "Did you have a _sex dream_ about me last night and make me watch it?"

He flinches. Then nods and her mouth drops.

"Oh. Dear gods Kylo, _what the fuck_ is wrong with you?"

Nothing she's ever had to deal with in her whole life could have prepared how in how to deal with a revelation like that.

"Rey, wait!" he protests when she starts to spin on her heel to get away from him. He catches her arm and pulls her back to face him.

"Yes, okay? I had a very inappropriate dream. About you. I'm sorry. But I didn't- well, I didn't intentionally project it to you and... I'm so sorry, Rey. It won't happen again."

She slaps him a second time. Maybe not as hard as the first, but he just keeps crossing every damn line that she can think of.

"What was that for?" he whines, rubbing his stinging face.

"For being a fucking pervert, you-"

She had been working herself up into a very satisfying and indignant rant when they get interrupted by a honk coming from the main road.

A man in a beige security van has pulled over and is watching them.

"You need some help miss?" the driver calls out.

When she doesn't immediately answer he starts to open his door and step out of it.

"We're fine, thanks." Kylo's voice is icily dismissive but she can detect how annoyed he is by the interruption.

"Doesn't seem fine to me," the man says, taking a few steps toward them. "You need me to help you?"

He addresses the second part to Rey and she hurriedly tries to wave him away.

Okay, from an outsiders point of view, it probably looked like a couple having a really bad argument. Nevermind that the worst part was already over and they'd only been quibbling over boundaries regarding paranormalacy and sex dreams. Not that she was going to tell a total stranger about that last part.

"I'm alright, Sir," she tells him quickly. "I don't need any help, but thank you."

She bounces her arm a few times until Kylo lets go of it.

The man stops halfway between them and his vehicle. Stares at her skeptically.

"You sure about that?" he asks and Kylo takes a step forward before she stops him, holding on to elbow of his sleeve

"We're _fine_ ," she insists.

Then man says nothing for a moment and looks them both up and down. Kylo tenses under her fingers and Rey is a little annoyed on his behalf. She was the one slapping _him_ , but of course he's the one who gets in trouble. That feminine double-standard, but in this case she gets the longer end of the stick.

And who the hell does this stranger think he is, anyhow? But, before she can get too deeply into that, the man nods and takes a step back.

"Alright then. If you say so."

He and Kylo exchange a heated glare before he turns and heads back into his van. Rey wonders, not for the first time, if the whole world is out to get her. Or maybe she just has rotten luck. And, in a different time and circumstance, she might have been happy for the interruption.

Regardless, she and Kylo both stay rooted to the spot until the man leaves, then she lets out a deep sigh and lets go of his arm.

"Do you think he's going to tell anyone about that?" she asks. Dusting her palms and looking around to see if there are any cellphone towers in sight.

Kylo glares at the disappearing dot on the road.

"Probably," he agrees. "Wouldn't you if the situation was reversed?"

She would. Unlike some of the other people they'd met, she got the strong feeling this man had genuinely good intentions and was trying to help her out. Doesn't mean that he's not going to get them in more trouble, though.

"Let's get out of here. There's too damn many people on this highway."

Rey is torn between agreeing and disagreeing with his sentiment.

* * *

They camp that night tucked behind a ridge away from the main road. Out of sight of the traffic but not completely out of sound.

The campsite was in the middle of a cluster of poplar and willow trees and Rey had picked it because it was so pretty and pleasant. Kylo had wanted them to keep going down the gravel road that had lead them there, but Rey had insisted and he immediately had dropped it.

Definitely on his best behavior once again, though every time Rey wonders how long it will last before he lets some other revelation slip past his lips.

She left for a walk shortly after they'd pulled in. Kylo had immediately tried to come along with her, following her like a loyal shadow, but he was softly dissuaded and this time he didn't push the issue.

Possibly because she'd left the car keys on the dashboard again so he wouldn't worry about her slipping away, but maybe that was just her being pessimistic.

Above their camp was a high hill that was a real labor to climb. The old ATV track running at a clean 90 degrees down it hadn't looked exceptionally steep from a distance but up close she was half-surprised there wasn't a graveyard of wrecked dirtbikes and 4-wheelers scattered around the bottom of it.

When she'd dragged her way to to the top it was in time to catch the first color changes of early evening. The sky had barely started to change from the dark blue of afternoon to a dusty rose and she took so many pictures the battery on her camera started to get low.

Then Rey sat down on a fallen juniper tree for a bench and thought about everything that had happened.

It was strange, but she wasn't angry with Kylo. Somewhat, yes, but not truly. Logically and in all ways rationally she should be terrified of him. This strange, massive, dark shadow of a man who had stalked her for weeks and refused to let her have the free will to leave him when she'd so badly wanted to.

But then there was the other side of him. The side that had gone out of its way to be nice to her and do things just to make her happy. Not many people in her life had ever taken that much effort over her.

Sure, Finn and Poe had been good friends but... she was starting to want something more than a friend. The rare and harmless flirtations that she'd had with the opposite sex had never amounted to anything other than a few shy smiles and coy words.

For gods sake, she'd never even been properly or soberly _kissed_. And here she was, dodging the overly ambitious romantic notions that the background of her mind keeps trying to make her admit to.

 _Okay, fine._ Kylo was attractive. In his odd, weird sort of way. Everything had been so hectic and accidental that it had taken her hormones a few days to overcome her fight-or-flight instincts and bring her to that conclusion.

And her dream last night? Definitely nevermind to that. She's just going to shove that into a mental filing cabinet labeled "to be opened: never" and try to move on.

So what to do about everything else? There's so much more to his story than he's letting her in on. She's sure of that but also at a loss of how to continue.

Does she even have the right to try to wrangle the rest out it of him? _They don't know each other_. That's the truth of their situation. If this stranger that's so recently come into her life doesn't want to share every dark detail of what happened to him when he was in a psych ward, that's his right and it would be so wrong for her to push him. And it's not like she's told him everything about herself either.

Is this what making friends is like? What being an adult is like? Because, if it is, then it kind of sucks.

Rey sighs. Mood darkening to match with the gradually dimming sky.

Then she does a quick 360 degree circle of the horizon to make sure there aren't any ominous tidings like a black pickup truck anywhere in sight before she trots back down the hill to camp. Her boots sliding on the upturned dirt of the track and filling with an obnoxious amount of dust as she goes.

* * *

Kylo had only begun to make camp when she'd gotten back.

She thinks about asking where he's been and what he's been up to but enough is enough for one day. Especially when she has one more pressing question she still has to ask him before she can go to sleep tonight.

"Alright Kylo," she begins when he starts to take out the cookset and things to make dinner. "Since we're doing all these open and heavy conversations today, there is still something that's been on my mind alot."

He nods but says nothing. Pulls out two cans and a packet of instant rice and she watches as he starts preparing to make some sort of stew like conceptualization. Whatever it is, it's still probably going to turn out better than when she cooks.

"This is difficult, but..." She starts then stops then starts again. "Well, so you've been stalking me and-"

"Don't call it that, Rey. I don't like that word and it's inaccurate."

She rolls her eyes. Crosses her arms over her chest and he turns away from her and towards the fire ring where he starts to set up the stove.

" _Whatever_ Kylo, just... why did you take my passport? Some of the things you've said make sense, but I can't wrap my head around that one."

That issue had been a thorn in her side since it happened. One that she just kept falling back on whenever she tried to justify dumping his grumpy ass by the side of the road like he probably well deserved.

"Because," he huffs under his breath when the pull tab on one of the cans breaks and he has to pry the rest of the lid off with the tines of a fork. "Because I was afraid that we'd get pulled over by a policeman and he'd want to see it."

She starts to uncover her tent from the layers of things it's buried under then pauses and lets his words sink in. Puts it back where it was and turns to face him.

"Yeah, I know. That's kind of the whole point, Kylo. If someone wants to look at it, I will need to show it to them."

"But if you didn't have it? Like, if it had been lost or stolen?"

"It _had_ been stolen. By you."

She walks over to him, carrying an extra bottle of water in case he needs it.

"That doesn't count. It was for your own good."

Rey freezes for a second. Then starts sputtering as she struggles to vocalize her sudden burst of indignation.

He raises his free hand in surrender, the other stirring his alarming mixture in the pot.

"You're a terrible liar, Rey. You should never, ever play poker because you'd probably end up losing every cent to your name."

She fights the urge to throw something at him. Partially because he's right, at least from her past disasters at gambling. But that's besides the issue.

"And just what does _that_ have to do with anything?"

"If a policeman or whomever wanted to see your passport and you couldn't find it..." he pauses, looking up at her expectantly like he's waiting for her to figure it out for herself.

Her fingers on the water bottle tighten and she frowns. Wishing he would stop talking in riddles for once.

He sighs.

"Then you could tell them that it's missing and you'd actually be convincing about it."

"Wouldn't... wouldn't I get in trouble for not having it?"

He shrugs. Turns off the stove and straightens up to tower over her again.

"They wouldn't like it. But, if it was just a local police, it would be out of their jurisdiction. They would tell you that you need to go to your embassy and get another one issued. It would buy you enough time to get out of there and figure out a plan."

As much as she hates to admit it, there's a good chance that he might actually be onto something with all that.

"Oh. Well... fine."

He seems like he's trying not to smile at her somewhat embarrassed reaction, but a little lift to his mouth is peeking through.

"So do you want some food?"

Her eyes slide to the grey and green mass in the pot. ' _Wan_ t' might be too strong of a verb, but it smells better than it looks at least.

"You could have told me that earlier, you know. Instead you avoided it and made me think all these..."

He raises an eyebrow and she debates whether to tell him all the conspiracy theories she'd been considering about him.

But she finally decided to let it drop. Accept the rather unappetizing looking bowl of rice and green beans from him with a soft "thank you" and no further questioning. Wondering if he, in his odd, odd way, might actually have meant well.

* * *

Rey had insisted they get drunk again that night.

Kylo had countered at getting somewhat inebriated and only if he gets to play bartender this time.

Apparently, she had missed tequila. That delicious, faintly colored honey that was so spicy and sharp and refreshing. He made it better than she did, too. No doubt because he actually took the time to follow the recipe on the can of the strawberry margarita mix that she'd bought in town earlier.

After all their fighting and revelations of the afternoon, both of them seemed more than willing to fly a white flag in the name of booze and take the rest of the night off from it all.

When she'd gotten up on shaky legs to heed a call of nature, he'd even gentlemanly volunteered to guard her. Offered to stand with his back to her as she slinked into the far bushes at the edge of camp just in case any of those "dangerous" coyotes she'd pretended to be so afraid of earlier were around.

She'd declined his offer resolutely. But still... it was kind of sweet.

* * *

By the time the sharpest edge of the alcohol buzz had worn off and Rey was starting to yawn the moon was near the apex of the sky.

Kylo had offered to help her put up her tent. She'd thought about it for a little but then declined. Opting instead to sleep out under the stars on this warm and cloudless night.

She'd done that before, after all. She'd assured him of that when he's started to fret and vocalize his concern. Explained to him that sometimes it was so nice to be able to stretch out and really enjoy the night.

And, besides, he's here now. He can look after her if he's too worried.

Maybe, just maybe, that was her best attempt at flirting. If she was completely sober, Rey would never have dreamed of doing that. And she definitely, absolutely would have never invited him to join her.

He's been cooped up in a car for too long. That's how she justifies it. Rationalize encouraging to make his bedroll up next to hers so he can keep the wild animals or wandering perverts at bay.

 _Oh._

He'd said it so shyly. Clearly wanting to do nothing to upset the tentative and delicate balance they had exhausting sculpted their current relationship into for the moment.

But when she started to drag out her bedding and lay it down over the groundcloth, he immediately followed her with his own.

* * *

They're breathing in tandem.

Or at least more or less so. Kylo's greater lung capacity taking a moment longer than hers to fill, but when she inhales and exhales he follows until they're almost perfectly synchronized.

"Are you doing that on purpose?" she whispers.

The night is quiet save for the very rare and remote hum of an engine on the road in the spread out valley below them.

"Doing what?" he answers, voice as quiet as hers but with a lower reverberation that she can almost feel even though they're not actually touching.

She turns over onto her back to look at him. He's staring up at the sky and his for once is so completely at peace.

It makes her want to reach out. Run the tip of her finger along his profile and commit it to memory since he's just so kriffing unique in every way that she knows she'll never meet anyone like him again.

And for a second that makes her sad because it reminds her that all good things must end. That at some point, surely not too long from now, she has to go back home. And he has to find whatever fate he has waiting for him.

"Nothing," is what she says instead.

Then she rolls over all the way to face him. Curling her body up around herself and burying her hands below her pillow to keep them from wandering over the meridian.

He says nothing. Stares up at the starry sky and occasionally moves his head a millimeter or two as she imagines he's tracing the constellations. He probably knows what all of them are, what with him being the smart, walking tour guide and encyclopedia that he is.

Maybe next time she will ask. And she's starting to hope there will be another chance to sleep out with him under the stars like this.

It's romantic.

There's no other way to describe what they're doing. How she's feeling. But it's a childish and romantic and sweet and rare thing that they have, she thinks. A certain degree of morning dreaming and hormones running wild notwithstanding.

"You can go to sleep, Rey. I'm here. I'll make certain no dangerous coyotes come and carry you away in the night."

She reaches out then and pinches his chest as punishment for his teasing. He gives an annoyed sniff.

It makes her smile. _Okay_ , so he's insane and actually certifiably proven so. Apparently there was paperwork to testify to that point.

And he's also on the run and maybe it's the residual burn of alcohol in her veins but right now she's just too sleepy and affectionate to really care.

"Rey?"

"Yes?"

"Go to sleep."

She realizes she'd still been staring at him. Neurotically and intensely like a schoolgirl with a crush. Which she isn't at all. Because she already graduated, _thankyouverymuch_.

"Are you going to make me again?" she asks.

He seems to think about it. Maybe really is thinking about it.

His hand raises, hovering over her face. Not quite touching her skin but just almost lightly skimming it. Her breath catches.

Then nothing.

He's _teasing_ her again. The bastard.

Rather than tempting her luck, she moves onto her back again. Wriggles under the edge of her sleeping bag as the chill of the night starts to sink down.

Then she watches the moon shift along the sky until she can't keep her eyes open anymore. She still can feel Kylo watching her, though. Never letting himself sleep until she falls under herself first, but of course she expected nothing less from him.

* * *

Author's Note:

*whew* made it to the half-way point now :)


	10. Sugar High Frame of Mind

Summary:

Where Rey and Kylo have the most awkward morning ever, Rey learns both another piece of the puzzle and something that's much better than a party game, and Kylo slips up and accidentally shows Rey too much. And no, that's not a euphemism, though that topic springs up too.

* * *

Rey wakes up to the best full-body massage of her life.

Technically it was the _first_ full-body massage of her life, but it was hard to imagine anything else ever topping this.

Strong, warm hands working into every knot in her back. Sliding across her skin to dig deep into the tricky spots along her shoulder blades.

Somehow he knows _exactly_ how hard to press on her muscles to force them to relax against him but not to hurt. It was kind of amazing, really. Almost like he could read her mind.

When he's done, when he's gotten every good spot on her back, he starts to work his way lower. Tracing his fingers in a ghost of a whisper along the curve of her buttocks.

Irrationally, it makes her giggle. She doesn't know why she's giggling. She really should be upset about that, right? He's _touching her butt_. That's not supposed to be okay.

But for some reason she's just not phased by it. And then when he drifts lower, cupping and dragging his hands along the backs of her thighs, she can't help but make a sweetly contented sigh.

Best. Massage. _Ever._

He's making her legs feel like jelly. Those damn hands of his are so perfect for this. Warming her tired muscles with firm, broad strokes before kneading and stroking. Working his way up from the ticklish backs of her knees higher and higher along her legs until she sighs again.

 _Turn around._ He whispers it so softly she doesn't even hear it outside of her head.

But she does. Feeling him shift aside just barely enough for her to shift first onto her shoulder then onto her back.

Only when she realizes he's wearing as little as she is does her heart start to race.

Starts to race so fast it kicks her right out of her dream.

* * *

Rey wakes up again.

This time she actually wakes up. Wakes to the pale pastels of dawn breaking through the deeper, dark ocean of the departing night sky. The wind had picked up during the night and had scattered a few fallen cottonwood leaves over her.

Over _them._

Kylo was right next to her still. As in right, right next to her. Somehow, during the progression of the night, he'd worked his way out of the composition of blankets and sheets that they'd made into his unofficial bedroll. Which normally would have left him slightly chilled if it weren't for him inexplicably finding his way half into _her_ sleeping bag.

Wait...

Maybe she was the one halfway out. Or he was halfway in.

The specifics don't actually matter much because, regardless of how it happened, they were spooned together tightly now. He wasn't quite embracing her, but one of his massive hands was resting on her shoulder and his face was buried in her loose hair. She never wears her hair loose, even at night. Always keeps it in a braid so it doesn't get too tangled.

It's weird, but it's not nearly as uncomfortable as she had expected. No one's every touched her this much or for this long. Thanks the gods that he's not moving so at least she can completely disregard the dream. Completely.

Rey tries to turn over and look at him but his head is pinning her in place through its weight on her hair. She can't see him, but she can hear him breathing. Slow and steady and spaced. Judging by that and the slackness in the arm partially over her, he's still deeply asleep.

Which makes the physical proof of him being a rather healthy young man all the more awkward because she can't even get fully angry at him for it pressing against her lower back.

Rey swallows, mouth suddenly dry as a cottonball.

She shouldn't know for sure that's what it is. She's a _virgin_ for godssake. But some deep, primitive part of her is reassuring her that she's not imagining things. No cheesy "is that a gun in your pocket or-" jokes needed here.

Every Cosmo article she's ever read about morning wood flashes through her mind. It's just... supposed to go away on its own, right? Like, the guy wakes up, and -poof- problem disappears.

Maybe?

At that moment she can't remember a single word that the articles had said. Not when Kylo's breath changes in a nearly imperceptible way and she feels a sudden wave of sleepiness wash over her, pulling her down with him into unconsciousness.

She closes her eyes for a second and sees him over her. The back of his pretty black head kissing its way up her calves to her tightly pressed together knees. His breath is tickling her skin and they're both bare or nearly there.

As strange as she feels watching herself like that, she can't help the urge to try to make the mental camera pan out further so she can see more of _him_ instead.

And Rey's eyes shoot open again, jerked out of her light slumber by her natural mortification to what was happening in her head.

Now the sky is a little bit brighter. The air is still has a faint touch of chill but her cheeks are so absolutely on fire with embarrassment that she doesn't register anything else.

There's no choice. She has to get some distance and compose herself. Can't risk him seeing her like this with a flushed-red face and wobbly legs.

She tries to get up carefully. Somehow extract herself from her bag and his weight on her by sliding laterally. Easing away from him like the tide going out.

But, as soon as she feels the first sliver of distance between them, the hand on her shoulder tightens. Draws her back in snug against him. The sleep-filled huff of breath at her neck as he wriggles her closer into his dreaming state.

Oh yes, _it's_ still there, too. Pressing against her back with a firm insistence. But... it was supposed to go away _,_ right?

Cosmo wouldn't lie to her, right?

Except, if anything, it feels even mor-

 _No._

Train of thought derailed. Thoughts about size obliterated.

It's not his fault. These things apparently are just the XY-chromosome carrier's cross to bear, but this is so totally her que to get out of here before things become even more embarrassing.

She pushes away harder then. Tries to wriggle her way out from under his arm but he only holds on tighter in his sleep. Pressing against her again.

By the time she wriggles free and separates from him she's pretty sure her cheeks might actually be glowing with embarrassment.

"Rey?" he asks, voice hoarse from his sudden waking to the abruptness of her departure.

She can't bring herself to look at him. But she can fake a chipper voice.

"Rise and shine time!" she sings, hurrying to slip on her shoes and get out of arms reach in case the horny behemoth behind her gets any ideas of finishing his dream.

"Um, okay."

It's hardly the most elegant thing he's ever said. But it fits given the situation.

She hears him start to get up.

Then he rapidly sinks back down.

"You... you going to go get cleaned up first?" he asks, voice at a slightly higher octave than his normal baritone.

"Yep. Sure am."

She flees. Oh how she flees. All but runs the short distance to her car to grab her toothbrush and some wet wipes and a bottle of water. Tries to make her exodus seem jaunty. Oh no, she's not freaked out over the boner that was pressed into her back. No, no. She didn't even notice that. Because if she did it would make things all kinds of awkward.

No. Not at all. She's just a morning person. Geared up high and ready to start her day. That's why she flew out of _her_ sleeping bag like a bat out of hell.

By the time she's haphazardly shoved everything into a flimsy grocery bag labeled "thanks to you!", Kylo is sitting upright. His weight is propped up on his elbows and he's bunched his bedding up over his midsection in a way that would totally have looked convincing if the situation were different and she didn't know any better.

Rey can't hurry away fast enough. Darting off into the far bushes, the ones that are a good 3 minute dash across the road and down the hill from their camp. Once she's safely hidden out of view she buries her face in her hands and tries to repress every memory straight out of her mind.

Then she takes the longest time she can to get changed and ready for the day.

When she gets back, though, Kylo isn't there. Which is very unusual for him because usually he clings to her like a persistent shadow fighting against the noon sun.

Oh.

He woke up happy to see her and now he's been gone for a while. _Gods_ woman, put two and two together.

She still can't stop herself from blushing fifty shades of red, though.

* * *

Rey is absolutely terrible at meditation.

This comes as no surprise to her at all. Not that she'd ever tried before, the idea of sitting in quiet contemplation sounding too much like a timeout punishment for a small child. But she's still disappointed when meditating turns out to be every bit as dull as she'd always assumed it would be.

"Just try to breathe," he tells her. "Focus on inhaling and exhaling. Try not to think about anything else."

Kylo is pretty terrible at teaching her to meditate, as well. He seems to be more familiar with the practice, but little to no more interested than she is. She can almost _feel_ the heady waves of tediousness he's trying to repress for her benefit.

"Yes, exactly like that." His response makes her open her eyes are stare at him with raised brows.

"Exactly like what?" she asks. Fidgeting and missing the air conditioned sanctuary of their car.

Correction. Of h _er_ car.

"Think about what you're feeling from me. Focus on that and... Rey, your eyes are open again, aren't they?"

She immediately squeezes hers shut.

"No."

He sighs. She can hear the soft sound of his clothes rustling as he moves closer to her and she has to fight the impulse to look at what he's doing.

"Can you feel me? I can feel you."

Rey's mouth twists as his choice of words reminds her of her dream. But the nanosecond she starts to go back to exactly how she woke up she shoves the thought away. If he can really has the _'abilities'_ that he claims he does, she needs to be very careful to keep her dirty mind clean. At least for a few minutes at a time. She can manage that.

"Rey? Your thoughts are a tangled mess. Why don't you try and calm it down and focus?"

Despite every protestation of her will, she can't help but flash back to their hotel room when she walked out and Kylo was watching porn.

"Rey!"

Her eyes snap open. He's staring at her with an expression of disapproval blended with embarrassment and swirled into a stracciatella of bashfulness.

"Sorry," she mumbles. Pressing her lips into a tight line and staring at the ground. Trying to clear her mind from the raunchy path it seems bound and determined to follow today.

'Bound'. Godsdamnit. Now that just reminds her of her dream _again_.

"Is it safe to go in?" Kylo asks, discomfort obvious by the blush seen on every visible part of his skin.

She nods. Randomly thinks of leaves. Pretty falling leaves. Nothing inappropriate about that.

Then she feels the tiniest of sensations. Like a featherlight little poke along the inside of her cranium. It's so faint that she wouldn't have noticed it if he hadn't walked her through the experience exactly as he was doing it.

"Where are these from, Kylo?" she asks, testing him. The pressure shifting like water through her fingers but she hasn't lost her grasp on it yet. He doesn't answer immediately, and the feeling washes into her more strongly.

"By the river?" he says. "Those cottonwood trees by the river where we camped a few days ago?"

She breaks out into a grin. Her excitement making her lose her focus on him, but she keeps her eyes closed.

When Kylo had first explained that he can do this _thing_ that he's doing now, she'd brushed it off as a clever party trick. Decided that somehow he was reading her body language or picking up on some tiny nuanced clue that she was unwittingly giving away. They'd even done the classic "okay, so what number am I thinking about now?" game and she had still tried to explain it logically.

Maybe her facial expression had read "one" or "forty-six" somehow?

But now she is absolutely positive that he's able to read her mind like he claimed he could. There's just no amount of microscopic muscular fluttering or whatever else that could give away that she'd been thinking about that particular place they'd slept at.

"That's amazing. Incredible."

"It's not, Rey. It really isn't."

"Yes, it is!" she insists. "There's nobody else that-"

He waves her back down. She had opened her eyes and was leaning toward him instead of concentrating on what he'd been trying to teach her.

So she settles back. Tries to clear her thoughts.

Which is nearly impossible when there's so much to think about. Maybe he's like a magician? She's seen magic shows before and the best of them leave you believing even if on some level you still really don't.

Or maybe she's finally gone insane. Wouldn't rule that one out either. Maybe she took some peyote without realizing it and this whole thing was just her tripping monkey balls?

Kylo had told her very matter of factly that this ability is simply something he can do. He claimed it ran in his family and his mother has it as well. That's what made her such a good politician, he'd explained. She could always stay one step ahead of her opponents.

That last thought resonates with Rey for a moment.

And, in an instant, an image pops into her head. It's of a woman getting ready in front of a vanity mirror. She's beautiful, and in some ways she looks like Kylo, but she's much too young to be his mother.

Kylo clears his throat. Breaking the image and she peaks at him through half-lidded eyes. He seems slightly annoyed, and it occurs to her that he must not have intended for her to see that. Just that her thoughts had lead to his thoughts which lead to there.

"Shall we try this again?" he asks. Shifting into a more comfortable position. They'd been at this for most of the morning and progress had been incremental but steady. Now it's starting to get miserably hot again and both their butts are getting numb and the funny thing is that she knows that last part as a fact.

She can't stop her smile at all and she doesn't try. Feeling so elated by the fact that apparently she can do it too that.

 _Okay._

She thinks it, and he picks up on that. The sensation of weightiness coming back into her head.

"Alright. Try again."

That's all he says, but she feels the hot air shift as he moves closer to her. She lets him take her hand with his own and the physical contact immediately magnifies what's happening in her head.

It makes her so familiarly dizzy at first, but then she gets a grip on it. He's being very gentle and slow this time. He's just _there_. In her head. Not trying to do anything to her.

"It's my turn now. I'm going to think about something and you try and tell me what it is," he tells her.

Alright then. That seems achievable.

She can feel herself doing it. Reaching out without reaching out. Sensing Kylo with none of her five senses but knowing will all certainty that he's right there.

It's dark. Nighttime. She sees Kylo stretched out in the passenger's seat. Or at least as stretched out as a big a guy like he is can manage.

And he's watching her sleep. She's curled up in her bag, with her knees tucked into her chest despite the confinement. The moon is shining on her face and she looks so beautiful.

It's his thought, not hers.

That almost makes her want to pull back and her heart rate increases, matching with Kylo's as he becomes flustered at her uneven response. Apparently he'd meant it as a compliment, but when she had started to squirm he'd gotten self conscious.

Before he can pull back, Rey relaxes. Tries to send to him an impulse of "forget about it" but she's not sure if he receives the transmission or not.

This time, when she reaches into him, his mind is blank.

Well, it's not exactly blank. She can sense certain emotions, feel the sweat running down his back and the ache in his knees from so much sitting.

It almost feels like he's intentionally making this harder for her. As if he wants to show her how to do this when it's not so easy.

As soon as she has that thought, a feeling of pride fills her. Yes, that's exactly what he intended, and he's as pleased as she is that she sensed that.

So she pushes a little harder. He'd given her no sense of direction on this part, but it's coming surprisingly instinctively. Several impulses catch her attention. She reaches for the closest one, which turns out to be an image of Kylo looking over the map and thinking about their route.

He'd wanted to make that one easy for her to read, but it's also kind of boring so she quickly moves on. It's taking more effort the longer she does it, and she can feel Kylo start to get a little more uncomfortable the deeper she goes.

Then she touches something different. Whatever it is, he really doesn't want her to look at it. So of course she's intrigued. Sends a misleading thought to Kylo to distract him about how she wants to take a break from this soon. Even throws out a line about how she's getting hungry and he immediately takes the bait and starts thinking about what they could have for lunch before they drive off away from here.

Distraction successful, Rey dives in deeper.

And actually, now that she knows what to look for, there's a _whole lot_ of things that he's absolutely besides himself with trying to keep away from her.

The sheer amount of will behind that impulse is staggering. Sure, she has tons of private thoughts and memories she'd rather stay private, but nothing that she feels so strongly about keeping hidden as he does.

Almost without meaning to, she touches on one of them. An image of the man she now knows is his father springs into her mind, immediately followed by a torrent of nearly every emotion imaginable. There are so many it's dizzying and she struggles to pull herself away from it all.

 _Anger and guilt._ Those are the main things two that comprise the storm of feeling, and therefore they're the easiest to pick out. As soon as she recognizes them they get torn away from her so roughly that she cries out. Collapsing forward and gripping her skull from the sudden splitting headache that she's left with.

It takes her a few long moments of deep breathing before she can open her eyes. Kylo is holding her up partially, gripping her wrists in his hands. She must have collapsed forward into him, but this time he's not staring at her with that concerned frown that he usually does after she has an episode.

Instead, he looks angry. Glaring down at her as he holds her, but the second that fear starts to enter her mind his face immediately softens.

"Are you alright?" he asks, offering no explanation. He rubs her wrists in apology until she pulls them away and pushes back onto her heels.

He stands up then, absolutely towering over her and she swallows but accepts his hand helping her up. She starts to take a step toward her car but he doesn't let go.

"Rey." He sighs, holding her hand and she stares down at it then back up to him.

Now he looks concerned. Worried, even. His thumb rubs against her and she feels that impression in her head again. This time it's more of a pinch and she frowns.

And then it's over just like that. He seems very relieved. Satisfied by whatever he found or didn't find.

"Maybe that's enough of that for now," she says, suddenly finding eye-contact much too personal.

Kylo starts to say something then stops himself. She lets it go this time, though. Feeling torn between wanting to keep going with what he was teaching her and wanting some more space between the two of them.

The second part is what wins out, and they both turn to clean up their campsite without another word.

* * *

Neither one of them were in a rush to get back to the main road.

In those rare moments that her GPS could find its signal, it had said that the dusty and twisting gravel road they were on would eventually lead back to the highway that they'd been on yesterday. The area they are in right now isn't the best, but its okay and very private. Rolling hills and rocks baked under the sun.

Not a single other car has passed all day which would be fine if Kylo hadn't gone back to being mostly silent. Despite this, Rey was curious about what was behind every curve and hill on the horizon, so she makes the decision that they were going to spend another night in the area.

Her companion had nodded his assent but made no further comment. Okay, that's good enough for her. _Nowhere to go and all day to get there_. That's basically been the theme song for her whole trip, so why change things now?

* * *

Fortunately, the evening goes much better.

She'd found a spot high up on a vista but she was afraid it was going to be too windy to camp. When she'd gotten out of her car, though, it actually wasn't too bad even though cirrus clouds were high up in the sky. They usual mean that rain isn't too far away behind them, so she'd set up her tent in the shadow of an overhanging rocky spire. Kylo had been reluctant to help her at first. Suggesting that instead they sleep in the car again together. He'd argued that it would prevent them from having all this soaking equipment to deal with the next day, but she had a feeling there was more to it than that.

She needed a little distance from him, though. Just too much closeness too soon. And all this sleeping together and its unwanted side-effects was starting to get out of hand.

He _had_ helped, in the end. Once he saw that she'd made up her mind and she was struggling to lay out the tarps against the breeze.

Neither one of them had felt like cooking, so dinner was cold sandwiches done "Mexican-style". Which basically just meant baked beans on bread and sprinkled with a Fiesta Taco spice packet.

Conversation between them was still a little strained. There was so much she could say and ask, but it seemed like every time she did, it always found a way to not work out so well.

So, that night before she goes to sleep, she convinces Kylo to watch some TV with her. She didn't have many shows on her phone, and he had neither heard of them or expressed much of enthusiasm.

However, after a little nudging, she'd persuaded him to give an old British sitcom from the 70s a try. It was set in a London department store and was one of her favorites. Kylo had also seemed to get into it after a while. Even laughing a few times under his breath at some of the rowdier jokes. They could get a way with a lot more back then, that was for sure.

Of course with the screen on her phone being exceptionally small, they'd had to cuddle up a bit. But this time neither one of them seemed to mind that too much.

* * *

Rey can't sleep.

It's not that she's uncomfortable, because her bed is fine and her tent is basically her new home. But she can't stop fidgeting and relax enough for it to happen.

She's tried sleeping on her left side, then her back, then right side, then her left side again. The pillow is too hot so she flips it over. Then she's too hot so she unzips her bag. Tossing and turning. Tossing and turning.

The root of the problem is obvious.

All the closeness of the last two days is starting to get to her. Making her too _frustrated_ to risk sleeping and dreaming. Afraid to force herself to stay awake and be a zombie tomorrow, but also not wanting to keep fighting the urge to doze off and let her imagination run where it may.

It's only the third night. Well, technically, it's her and Kylo's one week anniversary together. Seven days in that man's company, oh kriff. It feels like it's been both months and the blink of an eye.

But, what it really is, is the _third_ night that she's felt like this. First in the cheap hotel when she'd blamed it on the porn he'd been watching. Then that morning when she'd woken up from a sweet dream to a hard situation.

Before these last few days, any amount of natural desire in her had taken a backseat to dealing with all the crazy-person drama. But recently, it had been starting to simmer back up. And _clearly_ it hadn't been one-sided either.

So what does it say about her that she's secretly hoping the passionate dreams will hit three for three? Kylo doesn't know. He insists he didn't do it on purpose the first time, and he must not have known about this latest incident or he'd have behaved even more awkwardly than his regular weirdo self.

So what he doesn't know won't hurt her, right?

It's so tempting. Perfectly normal and so tempting.

A quick release of tension. Done and done. No harm, no foul. She can be very quick with it. She _will_ be very quick, no doubt. With as amped up as she's feeling at the moment.

Her hand starts to creep into the waistband of her loose cotton sleeping pants. Dips along the scalloped edge of her panties as she debates whether she should actually do this.

But why not? She's pretty damn sure that Kylo... well, he came back with a spring in his step that morning. No further details.

Her fingers move. Dipping in under the last layer of fabric while she wriggles her hips into a comfortable position. She hasn't done _this_ once in that whole week. Since hitting puberty, she can't remember ever going this long without it. No wonder she's just about climbing the walls.

The first featherlight touch against herself feels so kriffing delicious that she squeaks.

"Rey?"

Kylo's voice comes from outside her tent.

She freezes in place. Each muscle locked and her eyes bugging out in mortification.

"Rey?" he calls again. "Did I wake you?"

Her hand flies off from her skin like they were scalding to it. Which they almost were, but that was kind of the point so just forget that.

"Um, no. I..." she doesn't know what else to say. But why is he here, anyhow?

"Is anything wrong?" she asks quickly, forcing herself into sitting upright and speaking to him through the thin PU Ultralight polyester wall between them.

He doesn't immediately answer and for a moment she wonders what exactly he's doing out there.

Then she sees his shadow kneel outside her tent. He starts to unzip the entrance and she scoots up to the edge and far corner. Doing a quick check on herself to make sue that everything's covered and there's nothing condemning about her appearance.

It's almost the full moon and she can see him surprisingly well when he crouches there, half in and half out. He's staring at her and his expression is muddied by the darkness.

"Kylo?" she asks, voice as wispy as the thin night air.

"I can't sleep, Rey."

She blinks, connecting the dots of his statement to why he's here now.

"And you can't because I'm still awake."

She says it simply. Relieved at finally being able to understand at least this part of him now that she's seen it for herself.

"Yeah, something like... You've been up for a while and I'm tired, so..."

Kylo's awkward response makes her feel guilty. But it's also his own damn choice to do this. That's probably why she always wakes up first and has to deal with his... situation. Because the nutcase is too tired after a night spent staying up and watching her.

When she doesn't answer, Kylo sighs. Nods his head in the dark and starts to stand back up. He clearly wanted something and she has a pretty good idea at what it was.

"Well... goodnight, Rey."

He pushes away and makes to step back when she reaches out and catches the sleeve of his hoodie.

"Kylo? Do you... would you like to stay here? With me?"

Her voice sound ridiculously squeaky and high pitched. It's an embarrassing sound to her own ears, but that doesn't seem to dissuade him one bit. He stares at her and she thinks about reaching out and skimming his mind to see what he's thinking. If she's even able to do that without him there guiding her into place.

"Are you sure?" he asks eventually, making no move either forward or backwards away from her.

She swallows, well aware just how closely she's toeing the line. Especially considering what she had been about to _do_ before he interrupted her.

"Um, yeah. You'll be more comfortable. You can spread out here and... it's only fair. I always get to sleep in here, so..."

He looks around her tent. Her small, compact, one-person tent.

"I'll get my bedding."

* * *

Her tent is a tight fit with both of them in it.

Kylo is enormous. She's thought that before, but it's never been more obvious than when he first settles in next to her. She'd pressed herself to the far wall in a valiant attempt at keeping an element of personal space, but he'd somehow taken up well more than half of the ground area.

It didn't help that she had decided to sleep on her back and not one of her sides. Sleeping facing him would never work if she wasn't drunk. She knew that she would look at him and think "what the hell am I doing?" literally every single time she opens her eyes.

Sleeping with her back to him wasn't an option either. Apparently one of them, and she's not naming names or pointing fingers, but one of them was a bit of a stealth spooner. And the very last thing she needs when she's feeling frustrated as hell would be a repeat of his morning routine pressed against her.

On her back it is, then.

Kylo is on his side, facing her. It really was the only way he'd fit.

She'd joked that she's going to need to buy a bigger tent if he keeps this up and he'd responded so emphatically yes that it had made her doubt herself again. She's starting to feel like she's stringing the poor lonely, awkward boy along. Definitely needs to be more careful in the future. Starting tomorrow.

His eyes are on her now. She closes her own but she can still feel him.

Tentatively, she reaches out with her mind. He exhaling warmly and letting his breath fan across the side of her face. She sees herself there, silhouetted in shadows through his mind's eye.

And the way he's looking at her right then makes her feel so pretty that she has no choice but to pretend she's falling asleep to break the moment that was starting to build.

* * *

Author's Note:

Getting there with the romance. Rey is starting to get a serious crush but there's just so many red flags getting in the way. Not a lot of plot going on in this chapter but we got to see Rey playing around with her powers. And why is writing about Kylo Ren's boner just SO much damn fun? Sorry Rey, there's no telling when one of those damn things will pop up next in this fic, lol

Yinnyhow, in 2 weeks I'm going to be going on hiatus for a while, but I'll try to get one more chapter in before I go. It may just be an off-plot fluff chapter, but those are hopefully fun too :)


	11. Good Girls and Bad Boys

Summary:

Where Rey just can't stand it anymore and Kylo probably totally wouldn't mind if he knew that it had even happened. And then our duo celebrate making it through a morning of raging hormones by going deeper into the mountains and falling deeper into each other.

Also:

This fic has finally earned it's M rating, just so you know. But it took 'em long enough, amiright?

* * *

Rey had promised herself that the moment that she started to have another sex dream she needed to wake up.

That was the only acceptable response. She couldn't keep getting all worked up like this. Couldn't risk getting caught or letting her wayward thoughts run away from her too far.

She and Kylo were platonic friends brought together by circumstance. Nothing more. All this cuddling and sharing and embracing was just... just...

Shit. She didn't actually have a good answer for that.

Oh! Comfort! That's the one! They were _comforting_ each other. Like friends do. Nothing more.

And what friends definitely don't do is fantasize about shoving her pal's head between her legs night after night. Certainly not more than once. Or twice. Or maybe a few more times than that, but why is it always oral anyhow? And why doesn't her horny, raunchy, and infinitely selfish mind ever think about reciprocating?

But oh no, she doesn't. Doesn't make a peep of objection when her latest Dream Kylo kisses his way down her torso and starts wriggling his head into place between her legs.

When he actually gets there, though, that's when Rey knows that she needs to wake up. Needs to put a stop to this dream even though it's starting to get so lovely. It's been eight days. That must be it. Eight long and frustrating days and only now is she finally letting him put his tongue to good-

 **No.**

Rey's eyes shoot open.

Good girl. You should stop now.

It's still dark outside but she can hear crickets chirping. That means that dawn is almost here. Just a few more minutes and the sky is barely light enough for her to see.

Kylo is up, too. He's still asleep, of course, being the heavy sleeper that he is when he finally falls under. But he's _up_ nevertheless.

This time it's much worse than before because he's pressed himself against her belly. There's absolutely no way to ignore or deny it like that. The skin on her stomach is much more sensitive than her back and she can feel him so clearly that it's driving her body absolutely nuts.

The worst part? The really sick, wrong part? She is the one laying on top of him instead of the other way round. Draped over his torso and with her legs wrapped around one of his thighs like a boa constrictor.

That means that it's _her_ fault that she's grinding against him. She can't get mad at him for _it_ now either, because she must have been the spooning instigator in the night.

Good morning Kylo. Good morning Kylo's boner. How is it that this is her life now? What bizarre parallel universe has she fallen into?

Apparently the one where she's all tingly between her thighs and can't say for sure whether she was humping his leg in her sleep or not.

So yeah, that's her life too, apparently. Rey the Sleep Groping Pervert.

At least, for all fuck's sake, he's still asleep. Still unconscious and blissfully unaware that she can feel him saluting her.

Ever so carefully, she lifts herself off him. Slides down next to him and watches his chest rise and fall with the steady rhythm of his breath.

Only when she's convinced that he's absolutely and completely asleep, does she let her gaze drift lower along his body. His pants are impressively tented and it makes her stomach do a pleasant flip-flop at the tactile memory of how that had felt pressed against her skin seconds ago.

She really, _really_ needs to stop thinking about this right now. Stop staring at his hard-on and allowing her filthy mind to constantly keep her dream on repeat in the background of her thoughts. It's so hard to ignore though, when her engine is practically purring and he's... so hard, also.

A sharp flinch at the horrible pun and she squeezes her eyes shut. That just makes it worse. Makes the image in her head all the more vibrant and her legs press together tightly before she catches them.

So she forces her eyes open again, cheeks burning and face feeling hot. Everything on her, actually, is feeling exceptionally hot. Her blood is pounding in her veins and settling into the exact place that's bothering her the most.

She reaches out and touches Kylo's arm. No response. She pushes on his shoulder a little and his breathing changes. The arm that she had trapped underneath her when she rolled off his chest moves. Cradling around her back in tight next to him and, even in his sleep, somehow it finds its way to cup her ass.

Any woman with even the tiniest hint of decency would slap it away. Would leave the tent and then go out somewhere private and take care of the itch she can't wait to scratch.

Apparently she's not decent. Not at all. Because instead of feeling compelled to get out of there, she cuddles back down next to him. Feeling an overwhelming tug of sleepiness falls over her and she doesn't try to fight it. Carefully to not wake him, she places her head on his shoulder, breathing in the scent of his neck, and lets her eyes drift closed.

* * *

She wakes up again sweaty and all kinds of bothered. Apparently her plan of sleeping out her horniness until her body gives up on it didn't work, go figure.

In the process of their late morning spent lazing in bed, Kylo had turned over from his back to his side. He's facing her now with her head on the crook of his arm and he has her tucked in close under his chin.

It's a classic spooning posture, but it loses much of its romantic, old-school charm by the clear evidence that they're both _still_ highly aroused.

Rey would be oddly impressed by his ability to maintain over such an extended period of time if she didn't have her own issues to worry about. She's practically _aching_ and if she doesn't get out of here and away from him soon she's going to have to do something about. Either she's going to spontaneously combust and rub it out right here in his arms, or she can to take whatever shred of dignity she has left and flee like a bat out of hell.

Reason finally prevails.

She tears herself away, pushing and jostling him when he tries to keep again his side again, clinging like an octopus. By the time he wakes up and mumbles to her what's wrong her shoes are on and she's already halfway out. Throws some vague line about needing some fresh air over her shoulder as she retreats to the car in a moment of panicky deja vu.

Kylo calls out to her, sounding bewildered, but doesn't follow. Maybe realizing about his own condition and she hopes he doesn't think that she's angry at him for that. It was just... what? Uncomfortable? No, that's definitely the wrong word. If anything, being pressed up against him like that was _too_ comfortable. She probably could have spent all morning like that, drifting between daydreams.

That line of thought's not helping. She needs to calm down and regroup.

So she takes off nearly running. A nice morning jog. That should be the ticket. Burn off some of this excess energy she suddenly has so much of.

* * *

When Rey gets back Kylo is nowhere to been seen and their camp is quiet.

A little investigation shows that his towel is gone and some of his clothes have been taken out of the trunk. Last night they'd seen a small stream down the hill and around a bend from their camp.

Washing up actually sounds like a pretty good idea. Too bad she can't clean up her dirty mind along with the rest of her, but every opportunity to bathe in the desert is one that should not be missed.

Only when she's thrown a bar of soap and other bathing supplies into a bag and headed off in the direction of the hopefully ice-cold stream does Rey take the chance to reflect. Good grief, you dumb bitch, get it together.

Okay, maybe she's being harsh on herself, but it's nothing that a few minutes of privacy can't fix.

Kylo apparently had the same idea. _Exactly_ the same, actually.

Rey rounds the corner where the path circles by a tall boulder and sees him by the stream. His shirt if partially open but he's not in the water. Instead, he's sitting down with his back against a fallen tree and his hand in his pants.

Her first instinct is to gasp. Then to panic and turn around. Pretend she saw nothing retreat back to safety and as silent as the grave.

She knows that she _should_ do all that. But she doesn't when she realizes that he doesn't notice her. When he doesn't doesn't look up and doesn't stop what he's doing. His eyes are closed and if it wasn't for the continuous movement of his arm she might have been able to tell herself he was asleep.

But when she sees him work himself free from his pants she makes a decision.

Curiosity wins out. Sheer, pure, natural curiosity. And maybe a little bit of a misguided sense of entitlement. She's been feeling the damn thing poking at her skin night after night now, so maybe that means...

No. It doesn't mean she has the right to do anything. But she's still totally going to look.

One quick peak. Just so she knows. Can put an image to the feeling ghosting along the memory of her skin.

All sense of reason fails when he exposes himself to the open air. So trusting in his complete privacy at this absolutely most personal of moments.

Rey sinks her teeth into her palm. Crouches lower and deeper into the shadow of the rock and tree to hide herself.

He's hard again, or maybe it never went down from the night.

That thought alone is almost enough to make Rey do the right thing and leave with her tail between her legs and her face on fire. But now that she's crossed the line into full-fledged voyeurism, there's no going back. She really wants to see this out.

Oh how she wants to see this out. On a will purely of their own, her fingers creep back inside her pants. Immediately moving to that spot where they'd started to play two nights ago.

Still oblivious to his silent audience, Kylo starts to work himself very quickly. Rey's eyebrows shoot up at the sheer speed he's chosen. Her fingers rush to catch up to his breakneck pace and she finds herself more than ready. Slick and practically throbbing against her own touch as she silently gets off from watching her platonic friend go to town on himself.

Her brain is currently divided into three clear and very dissociative parts. The Good Girl Rey is the loudest. Shouting at the rest of the hers to get their kinky ass out of here and give the man some kriffing privacy. Bad Girl Rey is too busy enjoying the view to comment at the moment. And the final, analytical side can't help but do inappropriate comparisons. She's seen naked men before, but never an erect naked man. At least not in real life. Apparently that status makes a big difference and it seems rather unfair to all the others to compare them with the eye candy she's secretly witnessing at the moment.

Too much thinking. Too much thinking and not enough touching. Something else that she's doing very wrong, but since she's committed to seeing this out she might as well fix one of those problems.

Her belly twists and her teeth sink deeper into her free palm. The spike of arousal that shoots through her when she gives into this is hard to keep quiet.

So she bites harder. Shifts lower and sits on her heels. Then unbuttons her pants with her free hand and slides it in under the two layers of fabric.

Rey's mind may have been torn with guilty indecisiveness, but her body is certainly giving her an all-clear. Enthusiasm overflowing and encouraging her through hyper-sensitive and slick skin to keep going, don't stop now.

Her hips and hand find an easy rhythm together. Rocking against her fingers despite struggling with the tension of waistbands and non-stretch denim fabric.

It's so worth it. Worth the difficulty and worth getting caught.

Kylo is oblivious to the randy voyeur violating him with her eyes. Too wrapped up in his own pleasure and Rey's breath catches as he starts to work himself faster.

Her hand speeds up along with him. Already she can feel herself almost there at the edges. So pent up and desperate for this after these last few days.

He moans and it's all she can do to control herself. Sinks her teeth in even harder, doubtlessly leaving crescent shaped bruises, and leans against the boulder shielding her for support.

 _Kriff_... she should have been doing this every chance she had. Before they'd gotten so much closer and cuddled up together. She'd had plenty of opportunity when she was alone where she could have been taking care of this desperate need.

Very little blood is reaching her head and it's unusual for her to finish this fast but it makes sense. All those nights together. All that touching. Waking up to him like _that_ again and again.

The memory of how he felt pressed and rigid against her stomach is enough to start the spiral of pleasure within her. Dizzily, she tries to fight it, only to refocus on Kylo and see that his eyes are scrunched tightly closed. _His_ fist is in his mouth and there's no way he could be very far behind her.

It triggers a spasm against her fingers. Somehow she succeeds against all odds and finishes silently. Panting and leaning against the cool rock face to keep herself grounded in reality. Her body coiling tight and shaking with each wave of pleasure gripping her and clamping down against the busy hand between her legs.

Kylo is hunched over. Supporting himself barely with a trembling arm. It brings a smile to her parted lips, wanting to burn the image of him like that into her mind forever to revisit on lonely nights.

Then she reluctantly starts to pull herself back together. She can just use a babywipe on herself and skip the bath. Go be useful and pack up the camp. Or something like that. She forgets what but knows that she was in the middle of doing something before stumbling across her pretty young boy and getting all distracted.

Said pretty boy is still oblivious. Remaining stooped over and trying to catch his breath.

Oh yes. The 'refractory time'. Another perk of being a girl. Because when Kylo is still a panting mess Rey has already recovered enough to pull her hand out of her pants and zip them up.

Then she creeps away as quietly as a ninja in the dark. Refusing to acknowledge any part of what happened to anyone. Especially herself.

Most definitely not to herself.

* * *

Rey has packed up most of the camp by the time her companion comes back along the path from the creek.

"Have a good bath?" she chirps, smiling to herself at her joke and feeling exceptionally upbeat after finally getting some much needed relief. All those hormones of youth have to be good for something.

Kylo cocks his head to the side and she'd swear there's a touch of color to his cheeks but she ignores it. She's feeling rather glowy herself at the moment.

"No complaints," he answers, casually avoiding eye contact.

She nods, folding up the last pieces of the tent while he automatically picks up the heavier stuff to take back to her car.

* * *

Getting as late a start as they do, Rey opts to spend a little more time in this area. Tomorrow they're going to press deeper into the mountains, but the gravel road they're on both skirts the edge of the peaks while staying within convenience of the main highway.

Her GPS doesn't mark many of the side roads, but when they pass a sign for a "lookout tower" Rey immediately swerves onto it. Kylo points out that the sign had been crossed out with orange reflective tape, but that just shows a distinct lack of imagination on his part.

The road to it is more than rough, it's practically destroyed. A forest fire from years ago had left it deeply rutted and occasionally obstructed. Both of these making it a perfect test for her new ride.

She's impressed. By the time they pull up to what once had been a dirt parking lot but is now a grassy glade she's pretty sure that every loose item in the cabin has shaken into a new position by all the bumping.

Her SUV, however, is no worse for wear besides the thick layer of dust coating every outer surface.

"Now it looks like we finally belong in this state!" she chirps, hopping out and fingerpainting a smiley face into the grime on the back window.

Kylo shakes his head. Whether he's amused or exasperated by the bone-jerking ride she just gave him no say on isn't clear. But she still laughs when he sarcastically writes "wash me" next to her face.

* * *

The walk up to the top of the hill with the lookout takes longer than it had looked like it would. The old sign was half burnt through, leaving out the critical detail of how many miles it was to the tower.

Apparently more than just a few, because the trail circled and zig-zagged. Taking them in the most roundabout and indirect way to where she wasn't sure what was their destination anymore.

Kylo had remained pretty muted, but for once his silence wasn't burdensome. So many thoughts were running through her mind that she was glad for the quiet company.

She feels like she's reaching a tipping point in their relationship. A crossroads that doesn't leave her much time left to decide which way to go. And there's such a dissonance between her soul and her logical mind. It's throwing her off. Making her doubt herself even though she never had a planned course to begin with.

When the get to the base of the tower, the entrance is boarded up. It's a tall metal structure, and it looks rickety but still relatively stable. Kylo tells her that this kind of lookout is still used today for fire detection, but many of them are derelict because of satellite surveillance.

She frowns. It would have been nice to see the view from the top. They're high up on a hill and she was sure it was a spectacular panorama but the skeleton shapes of dead trees are rather ruining the effect.

A loud crack snap behind her and she turns to see Kylo pulling off the top boards of the blockade.

"They were rotten anyhow," he explains with a shrug, and she all too eagerly lets him pick her up in his arms to sweep her over the top edge. He climbs in along after her and they start the nerve-wracking ascent to the little lookout room on top, taking it one step of the metal spiral staircase at a time.

* * *

Beautiful. Empty and desolate and beautiful.

The hatch at the top of the stairs had been rusted shut, but a few good shoves from Kylo's shoulder had worked it open. And now they were in a small 20 by 20 windowed room that noticeably shifted from side to side with the continuous breeze.

Graffiti littered the walls. Rey took a pen out of her purse and wrote "K+R, 2017" on a space that overlooked the highest peak. Then she debated whether to encircle it with a heart or if that was just too much.

Yes. Most definitely that was too much. Too soon and much too much. So she puts it in a smiley face instead and writes a 'wash me' under it. Hoping that Kylo won't notice her being so ridiculous.

The man in question pays little attention. Starts talking about some of the history and significance of the Gila Wilderness they can see on the horizon but Rey honestly isn't paying much attention to what hes' saying.

And an idea is starting to form. A terrible idea, probably, though the more she thinks about it, the louder it gets in her head.

"Sit down with me?" Rey asks, patting the free space on the single-board wooden bench next to her.

It's a strange request, given the precariousness of the platform they're on. But Kylo obligingly joins her, holding up her camera and scrolling the photos they've just taken.

Now that she thinks about it, it's not really a bad idea. No. It's _appropriate_. For the circumstances and to her frame of mind, at least.

"Kylo?"

He pauses mid-sentence and looks at her. Then frowns and pulls back a little, making her realize she was leaning up against him.

"Is something-"

Rey kisses him.

Leans in even closer and pulls on his shoulders as she presses their mouths together. Despite sitting down, their height difference is pronounced. For some reason this makes her even more excited by this moment.

Her first real kiss. With _him_. Her stalker. This is so wrong and so perfect.

Kylo doesn't move a muscle. Allows her to run her lips over his.

She pulls back after a few seconds. Even from that little she feels lightheaded. Or maybe it's the higher elevation of where they are instead of her own elation.

Rather than speak, they stare at each other. Kylo looks like he's in disbelief, and the second that she starts to feel self-conscious she kisses him again.

This time she presses herself closer. Approaches his mouth from head-on instead of the side. Showers his lips with light pecks and wraps her arms around his neck.

She's so into the feeling of his mouth against hers that she doesn't notice his hand wrapping around her waist. Nearly spanning her and pulling her closer.

And then his lips work against her own. Returning her kiss with hungry enthusiasm.

He licks at her bottom lip and she instinctively opens her mouth so he can go inside. So much of this has been based on that. The natural, animalistic side of her mind taking over when the rest of her doesn't know what to do with herself.

French kissing is weird at first. Slimey and gross and she's not sure that she like how he sucks on her tongue into his mouth.

Until his hands reach lower, cupping and cradling her ass just like they did that morning when he was asleep.

He pulls her on him into a straddle, and the way her legs automatically part to let him move close is pure animal instinct as well.

She moans into his mouth, feeling her blood start to race through her again. Okay, apparently rubbing it out just once a week isn't enough for her. Or for him, judging by the new hardness she's feeling against her inner thigh.

No part of her wants to pull away at that revelation, but she does it anyhow. Grinding against an unconscious man's morning wood is one thing, but now in real life?

"Let's stop this," she whispers, breathless against his lips.

Kylo's fingers tighten, squeezing the flesh of her backside. For one intense moment Rey wonder if he'll listen to her request, then she feels almost disappointed by his decision to nod. Let her go and pull away from her.

"Okay."

That's all he says. He picks her up like she's weightless and sets her back down on the bench before stand up. Faces away from her and leans with an arm against the wall for support.

Rey lets him collect himself. Fidgets with the hem of her shirt.

After a few minutes she suggests they head back down. Go back to _their_ car but maybe try to take a shortcut to save time on the way back.

Kylo mumbles what sounds like an agreement. Rey keeps in front of him to save them both the embarrassment.

* * *

They walk back in bashful silence.

At least Rey is bashful. Kylo seems to fluctuate between a nervous frown and awkwardly wide grin.

He holds her hand as they go. Helping her over rocks and fallen trees as they take a more direct but rougher track. Even when he could let her go he doesn't though, and Rey wonders if he can feel how hard her heart is pounding in her chest.

She has just crossed a line. Actually, two lines if you count her morning voyeurism. Shamefully rubbing herself to the irresistible sight of her companion taking care of himself. But now that he knows at least a little about how she's been feeling towards him there's no going back from this.

Is that a good thing? A bad thing? Does she even want to go back?

Rey honestly has no idea. So much of this is pure uncharted territory. But, despite everything telling her not to go falling in over her head, she still holds his hand every bit as tightly as he does to hers.

* * *

That night they sleep just out of sight of the highway.

It's nowhere near their nicest or most private spot, but, in a way, that's exactly the point.

The reassuring hum of the occasional traffic keeps them focused. Dinner. Tent. Stay up talking or stargazing until they get tired. Exactly the same routine they've been doing since their beginning together.

Except now she doesn't blink an eye when he makes up his bedroll right next to hers. There are a million excuses she could tell herself about why she allows this, but every last one of them is clouded by one convenient lie or another.

So, when they finally crawl into her too-small tent and zip the door shut, she doesn't say a peep as his arms wrap around her. Pulling her back flush against his chest and bending his legs under hers until every part of her back half is touching his.

 _Kylo_. She whispers it so softly she's not even sure if it's audible.

But he tucks her head under his chin, into that spot where she fits so perfectly, and her breath catches as her body starts to come alive.

This is dangerous.

"I know," he says, mumbling it against a mouthful of her hair. "Now go to sleep."

And, once again, she does.

* * *

Author's Note:

This was originally supposed to be ch12 instead of 11 but when I started working on 11 the tone of it was all wrong to lead into this chapter so... Well, it's a little disjointed but the good news is that I'll have one more chapter out on the 15th before I put this fic on pause. So that's not what I had mind, but it all works out in the end.

And poor Kylo. All that standing to attention and it just keeps going to waste. But woohoo, first kiss! What are the odds on them sleeping apart ever again after this? Absolutely none, if Kylo has his say in it. And there's got to be some sort of really dreadful Solo sex joke out there, but I'm just going to take the last of my dignity and leave it at this.


	12. Oh the Places You'll Go

Chapter summary:

Every relationship has it's ups and downs, our duo just has theirs on a very fast cycle.

* * *

Just when everything had been going so wonderfully, Kylo had to ruin it by dragging her into another one of his nightmares.

Except this time it went far beyond a nightmare into a full fledged hallucination. Even though Rey knows it for what it is, everything still feels so real. The way her pulse is races and her voice is hoarse from shouting. Yelling and pleading with the companion in her head to calm down and stop scaring her like this.

Something horrible has just happened, otherwise he wouldn't be acting like this. He would never hurt her. Not intentionally. But none of this is making any sense. She had been doing so well. Everything had been going great until...

Until _what_ exactly?

Where they are or what they're running from is a painful, numb spot inside her mind. Kylo is actively trying to keep her out of his head, squeezing her half to death and fighting back as she tries to reach him and make him listen. She wants to tell him to stop. Stop being so manic because it's making him wild and reckless. Stop and _wake the fuck up._

He doesn't, just keeps on going and the only thing she can do is try to piece it together. They are outside. He's not telling her anything but she knows that much. There is grass under her feet instead of the rocks and sand that she's become so familiar with. It's night but there's just the tiniest sliver of light in the sky and Rey can barely see her own hand in front of her face.

Kylo ignores her completely in his determination to get her out of there. Keeps dragging her up and along with him and not paying her objections any attention.

When she tries to dig her feet in he squeezes her wrist harder but refuses to look back at her. It hurts and she cries out, pleading with him to let go of her. She almost starts to cry, feeling so scared of him all of a sudden.

It's too dark. That's another problem. They had been approaching a full moon last night and it's not supposed to be this dark. She has the strongest sense that she's missing something important. Something is going on behind them and that's what he's trying to keep from her.

As soon as she thinks that, Kylo pulls her to him. Crushes her in his arms so hard that she has no choice but to go limp or risk passing out.

Can you even pass out from a dream, though? Would that wake her up instead?

She can feel him in her mind. Clawing and searching for something. If he would only tell her what he wants she'd give it to him just to get him to snap out of this.

But if he's in her head, that means she can go into his.

So she lets him do it. Feels the unstable ground beneath his feet as he picks her up and carries her. Taking her with him to wherever it is he's so hell bent on going to.

When she closes her eyes and reaches into him she can hear police sirens in the background. So many voices shouting in the distance and getting closer. Even if she can't make out the words, the meaning is clear. They're looking for someone. Not for Kylo, though. Someone else.

For... her? He's afraid for her? That someone is going to take her away from him?

That's it. That's why he's holding onto her like this. Or at least that's part of it, but he's still hiding something from her. Keeping it locked so far away in his head that she doesn't know how she can feel it at all.

A siren gets closer. That shrill whirr that pierces through her and she's spent the last half year conditioning herself to dread. Blue and red flashes on the rocks ahead of them. Kylo tries to wrap himself around her, keeping her hidden out of view.

It hurts to feel that, too. That awful sense of desperation. Hurts and tugs at her heart in a way that she knows is excessive but the effect multiples until she can't stand it a second longer.

And, just like that, she disappears.

* * *

Rey wakes up trembling.

Echos of Kylo's voice still ring in her head. Him screaming her name as she gets pulled out of his arms by her return to consciousness. Her breath is coming in short, choked pants and her heart is racing so hard she wonders if she might actually be about to have a panic attack. The constriction in her chest is severe, pressing on her ribs and forcing bile up to the back of her throat.

Then the constriction moves, shifting and allowing her burning lungs inflate. It was Kylo. He had her in a bear hug, squeezing her and holding her against his chest so tightly that it's almost painful.

He's shaking too, just like she was. She realizes that he must somehow still be asleep because, when she whispers his name so he'll let her go, he doesn't respond. Instead, he holds her even tighter still. Embracing her with so much desperation that he's literally clawing at her. Raking his nails across her back in an effort to keep her close to him and Rey is sure she would have welts along her skin if it wasn't for her thick sweatshirt she wears at night.

"Kylo?" she whimpers, shaking his shoulders with the little amount of leverage she has given that her arms are pinned between them.

He still doesn't wake up. Buried deeply in his nightmare and then he _whines_ and her will immediately shatters. Giving in, she wriggles closer instead of further away. Wanting and trying to do anything she can to comfort him. Anything other than closing her eyes and going back into that awful place that she escaped from.

When she stops struggling to get away, he stops hurting her. Stops trying to cling to her with all his strength. Even in his sleep he buries his face in her neck, effectively covering her ability to see with the sweaty tangle of black hair that falls down to her.

He is slowly calming down, though. The longer she lets him hold her like this the better it seems to get for him. He's everywhere over her and it's hard for her to breathe but he's trembling less and less with each of their shaky, shared breaths.

And she can smell him. It's a strange, random thought that comes into her head but there's little else to think about as she tries to comfort him through whatever this is. His hair smells stale with old and new sweat, and the skin of his neck has a faintly iron-like scent. It must be his blood, pumping so hard so close to the skin. Her face is literally pressed against it and she can feel his pulse racing next to her cheek. The little blip-blips of pressure on her skin.

When he calms down a bit more, she tips her head backwards. Giving her a scant centimeter of breathing room. He presses his head against her, unconsciously seeking her out when she moves even the tiniest amount away from him. So she placates him by rubbing circles along his collarbones with her hands. It's an awkward kind of gesture, but pinned as she is it's the best she can manage.

Minutes go by like that. Or she thinks that's how long it is. With her half buried under him there's no way of telling time, so she counts his breaths instead. Rapid and shallow ones at first that fan against her forehead and tickle the baby hairs there. Slowly they start to ease and deepen, and she's very grateful that his breath smells like the minty toothpaste they brushed with before going to bed that night.

"Kylo?" she whispers again, when he goes slack in her arms and the last of the shaking leaves the torso pressed against her.

He doesn't answer. Still deeply and profoundly asleep, but at least it's peacefully this time. How is it that the man can sleep so deeply even through all of _that?_ He could make a rock with a coma jealous for all of his profound depth.

And his head is still burrowed into the crook of her neck and shoulders. It's getting heavy and she wishes that he'd move it but doesn't have the heart to wake him. Not sure if she even could and definitely not now, when he's still clinging to her like this. Wrapping her in his arms like she's his living, breathing teddy bear.

Gods he's such a lunatic. She used to wonder what she's gotten herself into but then that line of thought just proved frustrating and useless. So she goes back to listening to his heartbeat. Letting the once-again calm rhythm slowly lull her to oblivion along with him.

* * *

Rey's eyes shoot open at the first sound of rain.

She loves rain. It's a beautiful thing and she usually enjoys every second of it. The exception being when she's in her tent and the first raindrops in a desert almost always herald a massive, fabric-soaking downpour. The kind that will either leave her stewing in a wet tent the next time she sleeps in it or will force her to make painstaking efforts to try and dry out her equipment during the day.

Kylo is still ensconced around her, and she hates to disturb him. It's so nice and warm when he's cuddling her like this, now that he's stopped trying to forcibly graft himself into her flesh and is simply holding her.

Maybe it will just be a light shower. Maybe she can stay here with him for a little while longer.

But then thunder cracks outside and the patters of rain start to deepen past only a few drops.

With incredible reluctance, Rey starts to wriggle out of his arms. Or attempt to. The infinitely heavy and immobile mass that he is even when he's not actively trying to pin her down proving problematic.

"Kylo?"

She jerks her torso, trying to get even a small amount of leverage to push away from him. His thumb rubs her shoulder blade in a circle and he tries to nuzzle his head up against hers again but she pulls back. Jerking her shoulders harder and trying to lift his arm off of her.

"Kylo! Get up, we need to get out of here."

His eyelids flutter open and he stares at her for a moment. Then he suddenly seems to realize how _intertwined_ they'd become in the night.

He flushes and it's so damn cute and noticeable against his pale skin. Rey smiles at him and that seems to make it worse. He starts stuttering out an apology and finally lets her go enough that she can squirm out from half under him.

"It's raining," she says, avoiding the subtext behind his embarrassment. She kicks out from under the tangle of covers throttling both their legs. "We need to pack up quick and get out of here."

It may already be too late. The rain is starting to come down in sheets, shaking her whole tent with its force.

Kylo exhales sharply. Half a sigh and half a yawn. Then he scratches the back of his head and pulls himself up into seated.

As wrong as it is, Rey can't help but feel a bit cheated about waking up like that and not having her new favorite part of their morning routine greeting her. Though that would probably be highly inappropriate given the rough night they just had.

Rey hands him the stuffing bags and lets him shove their bedding into them while she scampers out to take down the outer layer of their tent before the storm gets any worse.

* * *

By the time everything has been haphazardly bundled and shoved into the trunk they were both soaked to the bone.

Rey has the engine on idle and the heater cranked up. Mostly in an effort to dry their waterlogged bodies out, but also to fight against the out of season chill in the air. The desert can be a weird place, that's for sure.

Kylo seems to share almost none of her appreciation for the elements. He's currently sulkily pouting in the passenger seat, trying to finger-comb out his tangled and rain-matted hair into something approaching less of a black swamp monster.

The storm has mostly passed, and Rey gives it a few more minutes to slacken before she drives out. Or attempts to drive out, to be more accurate. Despite being a 4 wheel drive, the tires spin out in the now muddy and soaked silt. Kicking up a deluge of mud behind them but making no forward progress.

She tries backing up and then forward again a few tries, but if anything it's making the ruts they're in even worse.

Kylo grunts, wincing as their SUV skids to a 45 degree angle from where it had been aiming.

"Do you want me to push?"

His voice is strained and a look of pure distance marks his face at the idea. It crinkles the shiney skin around his scar in odd ways, and Rey has to tear her attention away so she doesn't get caught staring.

"Do you mind? Otherwise we'll just have to wait until it dries out some."

Which could be hours or longer. Kylo sighs and nods, hopping out without another word.

* * *

It takes countless tries and a good fifteen minutes of repeated efforts, but they finally make it back up onto the gravel road. Which is also in poor condition, but it offers enough traction for them to drive out and away.

Now, in addition to being soaking wet, Kylo is half covered in mud. She had laid out a towel over his seat so he wouldn't ruin the upholstery, but getting them both cleaned up is going to be a top priority. According to their map, a few minutes drive down the main highway is a small white picnic table sign. The rain has passed and it's still overcast but getting brighter, so that may be as good a spot as any to aim for.

* * *

Kylo's expression of pure horror at the idea of bathing in a public restroom would have been comical if Rey had been in a better mood.

She was feeling gross herself and that made her more snappish than usual. He'd wanted them to find a creek or stream instead, or some place more private and hygienic, but Rey had started to lose her temper at his whining. Eventually he had relented and disappeared into the men's room with a large bottle of water and a clean change of clothes.

While he was doing that, Rey had laboriously pinned her tent to the chain link fence enclosing the picnic area. It kept trying to blow off and away into the desert with the high winds, but at least it would hopefully dry quickly.

Unfortunately that left her too preoccupied to notice the police car until it pulled up right behind her SUV, blocking it into the spot.

She turns around and freezes, staring at it with shock.

For a second Rey tries to tell herself it may not mean anything, but with the shadow of their dream last night hanging over her thoughts all morning it's hard not to think the worst.

When the officer steps out and starts walking towards her, her heart sinks. Having no other choice, she steps toward him to get whatever this is. Mindful to keep her face directly facing into the intermittent sun so that it will make her squint and hopefully mask any expression that slips through.

"Hi, is there-"

"Are you by yourself out here, Miss?"

It's the second time that someone's asked her that same exact question. She forces herself to keep steady eye contact and not even glance at the door to the restroom where Kylo is.

"I'm just drying my tent," she says, avoiding a direct answer. "If that's a problem I can take it down."

The man looks at her then turns, scanning the mostly empty lot before falling on the lone building. Rey tries to reach into his mind. Scowls as she concentrates and pretends its the sun in her eyes. She almost can do it. Almost. On the surface is... fear? No. Anxiety, maybe. He's nervous around her. Little old her. Why? But she loses focus of whatever is bothering him when he speaks again.

"I need to talk to the man traveling with you. Where is he?"

His voice is strict. Authoritative.

Rey blinks, her mind racing with ways to stall. No, stalling isn't going to work. She needs to get him out of here before-

Kylo steps out. Wet, clean, all in black, and looking pissed as hell.

He tosses his bundle of muddy clothes on the hood of their SUV and stomps toward them. The policeman takes a step back and all Rey can see is how his hand clings to the gun on his hip.

"Kylo-" she starts to plead.

"I'm right here, so what do you want?"

The policeman straightens, visibly intimidated by the angry man in black who towers over them both. Then he holds his ground when Kylo takes another step closer. Rey fidgets, trying to reach out to them both and see where their heads are at.

"You need to come in with me to the station, Sir," the man's voice is confident and so is his stance. But those are the only two things, everything below the surface is tight with inner tension.

And it makes Rey suddenly realize something about why he started off so nervous even before Kylo had made himself known.

"You didn't call for backup."

The man doesn't respond. Maybe he didn't hear her, but Kylo certainly did. He shoots her a pointed look and she shakes her head. Trying to warn him not to do whatever it is he's thinking about.

"You have a warrant?" he asks, turning his attention away from her.

"Of course."

The man is lying, she's sure of that. She wonders if maybe he doesn't actually have anything. But he _is_ trying to take Kylo somewhere.

"So let me see it," Kylo insists, sticking out his hand.

The man tightens his jaw. Shakes his head. "It doesn't work like that. You need to come down with me to the station and we'll have a talk."

And he's absolutely right. It doesn't work like that. Rey has seen enough episodes of 'Cops' while sitting in waiting rooms across the country to know that this isn't how arrests work. Police never do them solo like this. Especially not when their suspect is a huge, angry man.

"What is going on?" she asks quietly, edging to the side and closer to her car. She's not sure where she's heading with this. Maybe looking for sanctuary.

Kylo glares at the man. They stay locked in a tense standoff and the only thing they're missing is a tumbleweed rolling between them. Which actually could happen right now, ironically.

"I'm not going anywhere," Kylo finally says, breaking the loaded silence.

"Sir, you're not going to want to-"

"Call it in, then. I'll be waiting right here."

Rey almost thinks he's not going to. Braces herself for whatever is about to happen.

But the policeman sneers, turning half way and stomping toward his car but never fully turning his back to them.

"Kylo?" Rey whispers.

"Get in the car, Rey. I'll handle this."

"Handle? What does that- What are you going to do?"

She keeps her voice low, but anger is rolling off him in waves and, as much as she'd like to trust his judgment, she really has been given no grounds to.

"Don't worry about it. It's going to be fine. Just get in the car. Please."

He's trying to shush her like she's useless. Rey wants to object, but gets cut off by Kylo's pleading look at her.

"I'm not going to do anything, Rey. I promise. So let me handle this, okay?"

But... just...oh fuck. What choice does she have? Several, maybe, but she decides to go along with it. Circles back along the front to the drivers door, snatching Kylo's dirty clothes off the hood as she goes. The bundle get unceremoniously tossed into the back as she sits down. Robotically puts the keys in the lock and tries to drown out the thought that they may have to make a quick getaway out of here and she needs to be prepared.

Kylo moves away from their SUV, approaching the police car. She can't see what the officer is doing inside of it, but she grips the steering wheel tightly. Debates turning the engine on but that might be misinterpreted.

Then her phone rings and she has to stifle her surprised yelp.

Her hands are shaking. Godsdamnit. Way to keep your shit together, Rey.

It takes her three tries to put in her unlock code correctly. The she frowns at the unlisted number. Finn and Poe are the only ones who _ever_ call her and they wouldn't like this.

And it hits her with crystal clarity. _Of course._

She takes a second to collect herself before answering.

"Okay, you've got my attention. Now what do you want?"

There's a moment of pause before the smooth voice answers back.

"To talk to you alone. There are some things we need to discuss."

The man from before. The one who harassed her earlier at her hotel room.

Rey swallows, watching the side mirror out of the corner of her eye. Kylo is leaning against the police cruiser. She can only see his back but, judging by his gesturing and body language, he's getting into a heated debate with the man inside. That can't be good. At all.

"Talk about what?" she asks, only half listening.

"I want your help. The family of the man you're shacked up with have hired me to find him. They're very worried about him and I need you to help me bring him back."

 _That_ draws her attention back to her phone. She grimaces at it before remembering that he can't see her.

"I thought you said that you were a private investigator?"

Another pause.

"I never said that. I've been hired to find him and investigate a missing person. The evidence has been leading me to you and now you need to start talking before you make it worse for yourself."

What does that even mean? She's only spoken to this man for a collective five minutes and she already can barely stand him. Let alone trust him.

"How did you get my number? I'm assuming you've had us followed that's why-"

"Yes. I did. And I'm going to keep doing it until you help me."

"So you did what? Hire a fake policeman to scare us? Threaten us?"

"No. Not a threat. A warning. This is exactly the sort of situation you could find yourself in if you're not careful. You've been making some very poor decisions recently, but I can help you if you let me."

This whole conversation, as bizarre as it is, is making her feel extremely protective of Kylo. Ironically so, since he's one hundred percent the cause of all of this happening.

Her temper starts to slip away from her before she can catch it.

"Yeah, no shit I've been making some poor decisions. Starting with answering this phone call. Now you'd better leave us the hell alone or-"

"Rey, I need you to listen to me now," the man's voice is cool and even. She instinctively sinks lower in the seat as a random bout of paranoia hits her that they might be being watched right now.

"Your companion is someone I know very well," the voice continues.

She hugs herself and curls up, avoiding looking behind her or out of the windows.

"Okay? So what?" she asks.

"He's not mentally balanced, Rey. He needs help and that's what I'm trying to do for him. For you both."

Gods, he's acting like Kylo psychotic. Which Rey has thoroughly convinced herself that he's not. Eccentric and touched in the head, sure, but certainly not-

"He's not dangerous," she insists. "And he told me that he's gotten better. I certainly believe him over you."

The voice sighs. In the background behind him she can hear what sounds like a hum. An engine, maybe?

"He _is_ dangerous, Rey. Unpredictable, volatile, and he was put under our care for a very good reason. I understand how you think that way, that he's not. He can pretend very well, but you have to believe me that you're not safe with him."

She falls silent. Turning over his words and trying to reject them offhand. This man, whoever he really is, has gone to an extraordinary amount of trouble to find her. That's the part that she keeps getting stuck on.

"Rey? Are you listening to me?"

"Mhhmm."

Another distant sound from his side of the phone. He sounds like he's talking to her while driving. Heading towards them, maybe?

"I want to meet with you. I can explain to you in person, but you have to get away from Kylo first. Can you do that?"

No. She won't. Can't and won't.

"Please believe me that I'm trying to help you. _We're_ trying to help you. We don't want you to become another statistic."

It's too much. Rey refuses to read too far into what he's telling her. Rather, she wants to throw her phone out the window, grab Kylo, and tear away out of the parking lot.

"Are you... implying that he killed someone?"

The words are so strange and foreign to her that she can say them with neutrality. Syllables strung together. They don't carry any meaning because her mind won't allow them to.

"What I'm saying, Rey, is that we don't know what he's done. He's unstable and we're not ruling anything out at this point. And you're about to find yourself in one hell of a lot of trouble if you work with us."

She wants to tell her to go fuck himself. Wants to make him tell her how he knows her name.

But then she forces herself to look in the rearview mirror and sees the police officer slumped on the ground between Kylo's feet and the phone falls right out of her hand.

The voice on the other end says something to her, but its muffled by the synthetic carpeting of the floor panel and Rey is already halfway out the door.

"Kylo!" she shrieks, running up to him as fast as her feet will take her, " _what have you done?!"_

He glances over his shoulder at her, face completely blank. Then he steps behind the body and bends down, picking him up from under his armpits.

"Take his feet, Rey. We're going to put him back in the car and then get out of here."

She looks around, feeling so frantic and helpless. There is no one in sight, thankfully.

"Is... is he dead?" she whispers. Stepping forward but afraid to touch the body.

Kylo frowns, shooting her an appalled expression. He stands up and makes an "oof" noise as he struggles with the limp weight in his arms.

" _What?_ No, of course he's not. I just knocked him out. He won't remember a thing when he wakes up. Now take his feet."

She hesitantly does. Holding his legs up by the cuff of his pants so she doesn't have to touch his actual body.

Together they heave him into the drivers seat of his squad car. Rey back away and watches as Kylo positions him in place. Snaps his seatbelt around him and closes the door.

She looks around again. Still no one anywhere. At least that she can see.

"We're going to get in trouble for this, Kylo. We can't... even if he's not hurt he's going to know we did something to him. He's going to report it and-"

Kylo turns to her, stopping her in her backwards retreat with a firm hand on her shoulder. Her mind flashes back to everything that was just told to her and she shakes her head at him.

"It's going to be okay, Rey," Kylo promises. "This is a real police car and he's in a real police uniform. Those two put together don't necessarily make him a real police officer."

He's probably right. The other man basically admitted as much that this was a setup. Yet more things for her to lose sleep over.

But first they need to get out of here. That takes priority over everything else.

She nods. Pulling away from him and jogging back to their car. He's right behind her and, the second he closes his door, she puts the car in gear. Drives over the concrete bump marking the edge of the parking lot and fleeing as fast as she can without risking attracting any _real_ police attention to them.

* * *

Rey is still on edge that evening.

After the incident, she'd driven more or less on auto pilot. So rattled and wracked with what-ifs that she hardly paid any attention to the road. Kylo had stepped up, clearly having realized that her head was everywhere but between the two white lines that it should be.

He had directed them onto the longest national forest road he could find. This one took them straight toward the high peaks of the mountain range they had been skirting. He'd tried to show her the route on her GPS and she'd glanced at it and nodded with out really seeing it.

The road was perfect, as far as she was concerned. Rough and full of deep, deep ruts and potholes that her old car would have grounded out on. Their new SUV took them flawlessly. Bumping and leaping around in a way that was hell on their shocks but made her start to feel better.

It would be very hard for most cars to drive on this sort of terrain. Hard for anyone to follow them, unless they were in a high ground-clearance vehicle theirs. Like that black pickup truck, but she's not thinking about that.

Just to prove something to herself, she starts taking random side roads. Some smaller, some bigger, each one rougher than the other. Most of them were only marked by a little brown post with a four to six digit code. Their GPS didn't pick those details up, so Kylo gave up after a while and let her do whatever she needed to do.

The sun was almost set and they were about three hours into the thicket of tiny tracks that comprised the western edge of the Gila Mountains Wilderness. Last Rey noticed, they were part way down "Fire Canyon Road".

In the morning, she would want to go on to the end. Explore the canyon and maybe take a walk there to clear her head. In another world, she would have dreamed about seducing Kylo there. Find some private nook free of thorns and pricklies and see how far either of them were willing to take it.

But then was then and now is now. She finds an acceptable and isolated spot to rest the engine and put up for the night and it's more than enough.

It was a small meadow tucked along a U-bend of the road. The grass was dry and golden with the late summer season, but there were no recent tire tracks and both sides of the space were enclosed by boulders.

It made Rey feel protected. Ensconced in on two sides and the butted up right into a rocky cliff at the back. Here, she could see out, but it would be nearly impossible for anyone to see in. And there were no tire tracks, either. Or at least none recent. It was perfect.

Kylo hops out first when their SUV comes to a stop. She watches his stretch his arms over his head and crack his back by twisting from side to side. When he isn't looking, she kisses the logo on the center of the steering wheel. Thanking her car for getting them to here and out of there.

Then she steps out, trailing her hand along the almost uncomfortably-hot hood, and joins Kylo as he starts clearing away loose rocks from a flat space next to an old and overgrown fire ring.

* * *

Rey doesn't want a fire that night. She usually does, but not tonight.

Kylo offers. Made overtures to gather the wood and set up everything for her if she wanted him to. But she'd insisted they not have one and he'd seemed to understand. Not needing her to spell out loud her sudden need for secrecy tonight.

Instead they sit outside, watching the sunset and then the gradual progression of the constellations. They sit side by side, talking only rarely, and Rey has to fight the urge to hug him.

There's not a light on the horizon. Not a single one. She is completely and totally alone out here with him. He could do anything he wants to her and no one would ever find her.

That thought should be terrifying. It's not. She doesn't know why it's not, but it just isn't.

She wants to wrap her arms around him and have him hold her tight. Like he did in his dream but this time it won't be so desperate. She wants to cry quietly against his chest and have him rock her like a child.

It's a silly impulse. Not one that a grown woman should entertain, but she doesn't feel very much like an adult at the moment. Rather, she feels like a scared kid who doesn't know what to do with herself half the time.

She's falling hard for him, too. That's such a big part of why she's so messed up right now. Having so little to compare it too, she's pretty sure that her feelings go beyond the depth of a normal crush.

And, even if he's not in her head, he must be able to tell a bit of how anxious her thoughts are. He scoots behind her, wrapping her into his arms from the back, and rests his forehead on her shoulder. At that moment she has to squeeze her eyes shut, claw her nails into her palms, to stop herself from giving him her heart along with the rest of her sanity.

"What's wrong?" he whispers against the shell of her ear, clearly feeling how she's tensed against him.

She can't answer. No way to articulate her emotions because she doesn't even understand them herself.

So she shakes her head. Picks up one of his hands from her arm and holds it in her own.

Everything... _gods_. It's not fair.

She should be ecstatic. Elated with how full her life has suddenly become. And she is, but the cloud of her inner doubts is casting a shadow over what should be a blissful realization that she's falling in love.

What the other man said is _haunting_ her. She knows Kylo isn't being entirely honest with her. Or even partially. She doesn't think he's ever directly lied to her, but there are gaps. Missing parts to his story and long stretches of silence that leap over something that must be so important that her stalker is being stalked himself.

The things that the other man had said to her are... confusing and horrible. Without directly telling her what's going on, he's somehow managed to drive a wedge between them. Make her doubt everything she never knew about the mysterious man who's holding her so tenderly. Stroking her skin and wanting nothing more than to make her feel better.

Tears threaten to fall but she fights them. Knowing that if Kylo feels them splash against his skin he'd think they were his fault.

Everything again. Her story, his story, and then another version of the truth.

So many pieces to the puzzle are starting to come together, and the picture they paint isn't a pretty one. Before she gets into this any deeper, and it may already be too late, but she just needs to know.

She traces her palm over his hand. Watching how much bigger he is than her in every way. He says nothing as she traces the edges of each finger. What else have these hands done? What is it that he's trying so hard to hide from her?

"Kylo..."

He slides closer to her leg and she stops him. His pinkie traces the outside of her hip and she can feel how hopeful his is. Hopeful but also so scared.

And how ironic is it that he's scared of her? When _he's_ the one whose forced himself into her life time and time again.

"I need you to... no. Okay," she takes a deep breath to collect her thoughts. The faint smile on his lips fades as he watches her intently.

"What's wrong, Rey? Please tell me," he reaches out and brushes a strand of hair off her face. Tucks it behind her ear and her cheek streaks wet but she angles it away from where he can see.

It's hard to find her voice. She knows she just needs to get out with it. Say what she has to say. But it's still so hard.

"Kylo, you've done something really horrible, haven't you? That's why these people are after you?"

She already knows the answer, but none of the details between the lines.

He tenses to her question. She can feel the muscles of his chest contract. And he holds her tighter, wrapping his arms completely around her like he's afraid she's about to run away.

She's not. No matter what his answer is. But she still needs to know.

"I... yes. I have. But I don't want to tell you about it."

For a moment she doesn't react. Her mind skipping stepping stones before falling off into a dead end.

Just what is she supposed to say to that?

Rey starts to cry in earnest. Sobbing against him. He starts rubbing her arms up and down. Warming her and trying to comfort, but never letting her go from his embrace.

"Why not? Why can't you tell me?"

She doesn't want to know what he did. Not right now. She can't handle it right now, but maybe in the morning when the sun is out and she's in her element.

He kisses the spot between her neck and shoulder. It's a simple, chaste kiss but somehow it's far more intimate than anything they've ever done to this point.

"Because I don't want you to know. I don't want you to be afraid of me like everyone else is."

Something inside her breaks. She makes a little noise in her throat and turns in his arms, fighting against the tension of his strength. Then she buries her head against his chest, crying into it because she's not strong enough to face her fears.

Kylo doesn't seem to know how to react. So he just holds her and lets her sob into his shirt.

Minutes go by like that. Rey tries and fails to pull herself together so many times.

He's wrong. The other man was wrong. Kylo is a good one. No matter what he did, it can't be _that_ bad. It just can't. This is not how their story is going to end. She has to believe in him.

Finally, she nods. Coming to her decision.

That's it then. She's going to believe in him.

His grip slackens and she cuddles into it. Embracing him in a way that's not as desperately needy as before.

He's confused. She can tell without even looking at him. But, just like yesterday in the watchtower, they've passed another pivotal crossroad in their relationship. This was the closest she's ever come to leaving. Even more than when he'd told her that he'd been following her. And once again she has made the same decision that she did before.

Progress.

He still doesn't know, though. So she tips her head up and nuzzles his chin. Smelling his skin and buying herself time as she works up her nerve to say it to him. He cradles her head, stroking her hair and smoothing it back along her neck.

"Kylo?"

Her voice is still muffled against his snotty shirt. She'll have to wash it for him in the morning.

Rather than answering, the hands petting her head shift direction. Letting her know he heard her and is waiting for her to continue.

Rey struggles to make herself say the words. Her mind and her heart both reeling after such a horrid day. Of course she could simply open her thoughts to him, show him what she's thinking. But she wants to say it out loud. It's important that she does so that it's out there and she can't go back on it.

She tries again, pulling her head up off him just enough so she can speak clearly.

"Kylo. I'm glad you're here. I'm... I'm glad that we met and that you're here with me now and I'm not alone."

The hands in her hair still. She hears the tiny sound of his lips parting. That little wet noise, followed by his chest rising as he takes in a breath.

But then he seems to think better of it. Pulls her to him again and simply holds her tight. And they sit like that in perfect silence until her eyes eventually drift shut.

* * *

It's only one more day before the full moon.

Rey is wide awake again, and, judging by the brightness and positioning in the sky, it's a little past midnight. Kylo must have carried her into her tent, but she doesn't remember that at all.

She keeps forgetting things around him. Things that she should remember but doesn't. He's shown her what he can do, but what if there's more? What if he's actually been controlling her? Only letting her remember the things that he wants her to?

What if the other man was right? What if he really is dangerous?

She doesn't want to believe it. Kylo has scared her on many occasions but... no. In his heart of hearts he is a good person. She's as sure of that as she is of anything.

Tomorrow, maybe, she'll tell him about the phone call. Tell him what was told to her. Ask him if any of it is true or why these people are hunting him so much.

Or maybe... maybe she'll find out another way. She has the redheaded man's phone number. He had given it to her when they'd first met. Maybe she can get away somewhere and talk to him herself. Grill him and find out the holes in his story then piece them together and figure out what his _real_ agenda is.

She's already made up her mind, now she just has to figure out what to do about it. No matter what anyone says, what they tell her or show her, she's going to be on his side. If he is crazy or... has done something wrong, then she'll find a way to help him. She owes them both that much.

Kylo stirs against her. Cuddling her tight and she presses her forehead against his chest. He smells like cheap Dollar Tree laundry detergent and Dial soap. Underneath that he smells like himself.

It must be pheromones because, the longer she breathes him in, the warmer she starts to feel. It makes her skin prickle. Feeling hypersensitive to every part of their bodies where they're touching. Even the gentle weight of his breath against her is compelling.

She leans her head up and kisses his nonresponsive mouth. Kisses him again and again and again until his eyelids flicker open.

He pulls his head back just out of reach and stares down at her. Eyebrow raised and forehead pulled together.

"Rey?"

Gods, even his voice makes her tingle. Deeper and scratchier from waking than his usual.

"I meant it, Kylo," she tells him. Whispering to not break the quiet of the moment and all the while fighting against the urge to kiss him again. "I'm so glad you're here with me."

He looks no less confused. The hand on her back rubs her in circles.

"Were you... kissing me in my sleep?"

She laughs under her breath. Go figure _that_ would be that part he was most interested in.

"Yup. I sure was."

"...why?"

"Because you looked so damned kissable."

To prove her point, she leans forward. Chases his mouth with her own.

This time he kisses her right back. Moving his lips against her and immediately trying to slip inside her mouth. Eager and hopeful and oh much she knows that feeling herself. She opens up for him and sucks on his tongue, coaxing it in deeper.

He groans, flexing his hands against her and she can tell he's fighting with himself to keep going slow. The sound is so decadent to her ears. Feeling it reverberating deep within her and she knows she'd better put a stop to this _right now_ or else.

So she pulls back. Patting his chest and this time it's _her_ mouth that dodges his as he tries to lean back in and keep going.

"Well... goodnight."

He stares at her, wide eyed. She smiles sweetly back.

Then he relents. Arms going slack against her.

"You're a crazy girl," he mutters, shaking his head and uncomfortably shifting in their bed. But he lets her wrap herself around him again. Drape herself over him and hold him close. Rey closes her eyes and for the second time that day falls asleep to nothing but the sound of his heartbeat against her ear.

* * *

Author's note:

Don't worry, lovelies, I like happy endings. Or at least semi-happy ones.

And sorry Rey, you can't win them all. Sometimes Kylo is going to wake you up all horny, and sometimes his Koontz-esque nightmares make the sleepy boy need a comfort squeeze. He just crushes a little too hard since he's got all kinds of issues and is afraid his favorite little squishy bear will try to run away from him again.

Also a huge epic thank you to everyone who commented or gave feedback! This fic will be back with chapter 13 in late March/April but I'm hoping to do some 1-shots for Star Wars and Lucifer in the interim, so I hope you'll check them out if you're interested!

And finally a huge THANK YOU to LindseyintheSkywithDiamonds who made a wonderful picture for this fic:

post/157075503980/if-you-havent-read-this-fic-yet-do-it-now-im

I got so ridiculously excited when I saw it (first art I've ever gotten for my stories!) so thank you so much! It's amazing!


	13. Ugly Truths and Pretty Lies

Chapter Summary:

Where Rey tests her powers and Kylo's patience, and then she starts to put the puzzle pieces back together but may not like the picture they make. Meanwhile, Kylo has his own revelation, resulting in an entirely different experience and point of view than his companion's.

* * *

There are certain advantages to sharing a bed with a man who sleeps deeper than the dead.

When Kylo is asleep, Rey can stare at him to her heart's content. And touch him, too. She's discovered that it takes a lot more than gentle contact to wake him him up. Like the night before when she'd kissed him for a solid two minutes straight before he drifted back to consciousness and noticed what she was getting up to.

To prove this point, Rey reaches out and twirls a lock of his hair around her index finger. Nothing. No reaction at all.

It makes her smile. Moreso when she starts to stroke his hair and he automatically leans into the movement with his eyes still closed and breath as even as always. She tries to scoot up the length of his body so that she can rest her forehead against his. Close contact like this is an almost essential next step to her plan, but he misinterprets her small movements. Squeezing and holding her in place so she can't leave him and she's half-tempted to start pinching him awake just so she can tell him to _stop being so kriffing clingy_.

And that would be the other thing. The flipside to sharing a bed with Kylo. He may be laying there, completely unaware of the ever so slightly duplicitous thoughts lurking within the warm body next to him, but he damn sure isn't about to let her move an inch in any direction expect forward and even closer.

She's discovered that's the trick with him: try to pull back and he'll hold on to her like there's no tomorrow, but he'll allow her to slide up and down. Bring her head and body into contact with his chest or face to face with him. Any which way but away.

In all honesty, it's about equal parts endearing and annoying. She's not his damn teddy bear or blankie and sometimes maybe she needs-

Okay, at least he isn't aroused. For the moment. _That_ switch seems to flip on in him with no warning, and it would be highly distracting if he were when she carefully tries to slip into his resting mind.

Rey isn't sure this will work. She's only ever done this the one time before, and he guided her through it from start to finish. But she's feeling so close to him right now, in more ways than one, that it seems worth the try.

A little push and she closes her eyes. Rests her forehead against his chin since that's all his python-arms will allow her to reach. Still asleep, his thumbs run circles against her shoulder. Encouraging her to cuddle him more.

Good boy. That's very nice.

Another shove and the only way Rey can describe it is that it's like she's pushing through heavy curtains. In the dark. The pitch black space of his mind, but it's not a bad kind of dark. Peaceful and weighty, but languid. So much calmer than when he was awake and a million different thoughts and restrictions poured out of him.

He's dreaming. Lightly. She needs to be careful and not get too cocky about this. Which would be so easy because slipping into his mind proved to be virtually effortless.

Damnit if she's not really good at this. And no, that's not cocky. Easy she's a natural like he said she was, or his mind is just an open book because no one else has taken the trouble to look in.

And yet, his thoughts are guarded. Slippery and hard to grasp or focus on. Whatever he's dreaming about isn't making him very happy. He's not angry, per se, but he's definitely not enjoying whatever his mind is conjuring up.

It's tempting to check in on that, but it's also too risky. He's _there_ right now. And she doesn't know what the hell she's doing other than following what feels right to her.

She pulls away, to the outer periphery of his mind, and tries to figure out how to find what she's looking for.

 _What are you hiding from me, Kylo?_

She makes it the softest and gentlest of questions. Swept across so neutrally that he has no reason to wake up from it.

At the sound of her voice, or at least the sound of her voice in his mind, he pulls her in deeper. Obliging and enthusiastic to her presence. She's dimly aware of him stirring against her body, curling himself around to envelope her even more. But his subconscious is being obedient. It immediately brings up a tangled web of thoughts and memories for her request.

She lets them flow around her, careful to do nothing to bring attention to herself.

Apparently Kylo thinks about her a lot. Most of the time, actually.

He was worried about her that evening. Aware of how upset she was by what had almost happened earlier with the fake policeman, and he had been trying to soothe and comfort her. She hadn't had a clue of it at the time, but ever since they had arrived at their campsite and she'd stopped driving he had beenpulling at her.

No. Maybe _pulling_ wasn't the appropriate term. It was hard to describe, but he had been trying to take away some of her anxiety. It was what she had been feeling the strongest, and somehow he was able to skim at that top layer of her psyche and absorb it away from her.

He had wanted to make her feel better and it had worked. But… it was also just so very strange for her to not know that he was doing it. That he could access her mind like that without her having even the slightest inkling-

Rey had told herself that she was falling in love with him. Was that real, or did he do that, too?

Would he do that?

She almost believes that he would. Has no doubts that he _could_. But, in counterpoint, her feelings for him had been rising steadily after every night she spent in his arms. A conscious attempt to make her less upset was one thing, but everything else had to have been of her own.

Right?

Kylo changes positions in his sleep, gripping her to him as he rolls partially over. It reminds Rey that she was in the middle of something before she had gotten so distracted.

 _Alright, Kylo. Show me something else. Something you don't want me to see._

Now _that_ one is harder to trigger. His psyche actively dodges her on this, and there is a weird sort of disconnect as his body holds on to her rightly while his mind tries to push her away.

He likes it when she touches him, so she holds him right back. Buries her face against his skin and visualizes how they must look. Beyond intertwined. So close that every movement is telegraphed between them. Every breath and heartbeat. If any passerby would see them now they would get entirely the wrong idea about what had been going on in her tent these last few hours.

And oh yes, he likes her very much when she cuddles him. She does too, in all honesty, and she hides her blushing face deeper into his neck. Huffs against his skin and she can hear his breath catch. It sufficiency distracts him so that she can slip back into his mind.

She feels them then. Feels how there is just so much that he's hiding from her. She doesn't know how to begin to quantify such an intangible thing like a memory, only that there's a tremendous amount of them that he has buried. Older shards from an unhappy childhood that jab at her when she tries to bring them into focus. He has repressed those and they've grown duller with time.

That's not it. She needs a truth that's more recent. He's not being hunted for anything that he did years ago as a boy, is he?

After that is large stretch of his mind that's numb and virtually impassible. A foggy miasma of forced nothingness. Behind it is something else entirely. Whatever it is, he's not letting her anywhere near it. The second she pushes even the slightest bit towards it, his subconscious mind slams its doors shut. Shoving her so far from it that she nearly falls straight out of their mental connection.

But she clings. Resisting and holding on until he stops fighting her.

And when she looks up she finds that she's drifted somewhere else entirely.

At first she can see just a flicker. A memory from not too long ago. Kylo had been thinking about that fake policeman as he'd fallen asleep while holding her.

He felt so angry and at the same time powerless. A thread of thought leading back much further… he had wanted to do something about that. About that policeman. Kylo knows exactly what he wanted, or at least what he thinks he wanted.

 _...should have sent him back…_

It wasn't a complete thought, but rather an impulse. A compulsion. Does he mean the policeman? No. Not him. Someone else.

Rey pushes the question. Trying to flick her memory of what he looked like into Kylo's mind. She keeps missing, though. Very much like skipping a stone across a lake that gradually becoming rougher. Each times she tries, she slips further from the mark.

Until she skips it right off the edge and falls deeper. Another memory that somehow is connected by a trapdoor to the first. Kylo is there in it He's talking to the man from earlier. No, not the fake policeman, but the redhead who claimed he was a "private detective". The one that Kylo had claimed to only know in passing.

They're talking. They don't like each other. But they're not arguing. Debating a topic. Kylo feels so annoyed. He doesn't want to hear what they redhead is saying. Doesn't want to listen but, for some reason, he can't just tell him off or walk away. He thinks that he's not allowed to, and the other man is trying to warn him but it only makes Kylo angrier.

Always so angry. So much anger everywhere. Boiling up and it's strange because he looks more or less calm but on the inside-

"Rey."

It hurts. It makes her head really, really hurt. A stabbing pain like a sharp migraine, and she suddenly feels like she's suffocating in the memory. Choking on a reflection of a rage that she can't possibly understand.

" _Rey."_

A squeeze. And a pop.

Rey's eyes fly open. She's greeted by Kylo's own.

It's dark and he's on top of her. Pinning her down, and for a moment her heart starts to pound in her ears. One of his hands is wrapped around her forehead, the other wrapped around her wrists like… like he was restraining her.

He nods. His face is so close to her hers that she can see the dark center of his eyes despite the heavy shadows of the moon and night.

"You were having a nightmare," he tells her.

She had forgotten how to breathe. It comes back to her in a shudder.

A nightmare? But she was… She wasn't asleep. Or had she fallen under while-

"What happened?"

Her voice is little more than a whisper. It seems appropriate for the quiet moment of intensity he's created between them with his heated stare.

Kylo takes a second to answer. Strokes her forehead and pushes her hairs back from her sweaty skin.

"You started tossing and turning in your sleep. Then it got worse and you were flailing around."

He still hasn't let go of her wrists. Has them pulled up over her head and she wishes he'd get off of her because the pose is making her feel vulnerable and he's just so damn heavy and _close_ to her.

When she doesn't respond, his hand shifts off her forehead and he strokes her cheek instead. She swallows, her headache instantly lifting from the sweet gesture.

"Oh… okay."

Another moment and his gaze flickers from her eyes to her mouth. She licks her lips with a suddenly dry tongue and he follows every nuance of the subtle movement. She only wishes that she could remember-

"Are you tired?" he asks.

She is. She had slept very lightly and not at all restfully. Had been waiting for him to fall asleep first, and when he did…

"You can let go of me now."

He blinks. Then lets go of her.

Rolls off her, carefully keeping most of his weight supported by his own arms and not her torso. Then he lays on his back and grips her shoulder as she tries to sit up.

"Are you alright?"

She glances down at him. His eyes are big and he's watching her so closely. Always watches her so closely. He's tired, too. She doesn't know what time it is, but she doesn't want to get up from their warm little nest either.

"I'm fine, Kylo. It was just a bad dream."

Nothing more. So much more.

Whatever had happened is something that she can process later. Because she has a feeling that he won't let her think too much about it right now and they're both so damn tired. It's been a rough day. A very bad, debilitating, and exhausting day. Now is not the time.

He tugs on her shoulder. Tries to hide the needy gesture in a guise of him adjusting his pillow. She lets herself fall back into his arms and settles back down for the night.

* * *

They haven't seen another car all day and that's perfect for Rey.

She had continued her trend of picking random backroads. All of them unpaved. Many barely passable. Sometimes they would stop for a view or a snack, but mostly they just drove. She kept a wary eye on the gas tank, but they had an extra canister strapped to their back bumper so hopefully they wouldn't have to re-emerge back into civilization for at least another day.

Long enough for her to collect her thoughts because damnit did Rey hate other people right now.

They were far enough into the middle of nowhere that there also was no signal on her GPS. Which meant there probably wasn't a signal on her phone.

Which brings her thoughts back to that redheaded man… at some point she probably should have asked him his name. But he had given her his phone number and told her to call him. He'd been really snotty and presumptuous about it. Acted like he knew she would come around to his side all along.

And just exactly what and where _is_ his side? He's a creepy asshole who had gone out of her way to traumatize and scare her, but what is it that he actually wants?

Kylo, apparently. He wants Kylo. But he never directly, or indirectly really, told her what for. Just to talk to him? Arrest him? Club him over the head and dump him in his trunk?

Well good luck with that last one. Rey has never fully seen Kylo's strength or temper in action, but she has a feeling that if it ever came own to it he could win just about any fight he found himself in.

Or got himself into. He could be very dangerous, if he wanted to be. She's been warned of it and has no doubt that it could be true.

Rey's eyes slide sideways toward her companion. He's staring listlessly out across the high and sandy plateau they're crossing. The road is one of the smoother ones they've been on today, and the heavy bags under his eyes and general apathy of his posture tell her that he's nearly as tired as she is.

So they'll make an early day of it today. Maybe somewhere up here where it's high and open. The kind of place where she might, just _maybe might_ , get a cellphone signal.

That's what she keeps going back to in her mind. The great 'should she or shouldn't she?' and if only she could just _trust Kylo_ enough to know that he would tell her the truth if she asked. But she doesn't. Not yet, as much as she wishes she could.

' _He's not mentally balanced.' 'He's psychotic.' 'You're not safe with him, and we don't know what he's done.'_

That conversation was everything that Rey hadn't wanted to hear. And it keeps playing through her mind so fast and frantic that she ploughs straight through an easily-avoidable pothole and sends the SUV lurching, scattering items across their dashboard and the backseat.

"What happened?!" Kylo asks, snapping out of his reverie in time to catch their map before it flies out the open window.

She closes it with the switch in the driver's door and vigorously shakes her head to clear the webs of thoughts from her mind.

"Um, nothing," she tries to play it off with a yawn. "Just got tired and wasn't paying attention."

A few slight adjustments to the steering wheel and she steadies their car back into the center of the gravel road. It's not like anyone else was coming from the opposite direction, anyhow.

Kylo stares at her. She doesn't want to see his expression so she pretends to be very focused on the task literally at hand.

"Rey?" he asks after a solid minute of her ignoring him.

"Hmmm?"

"Are you alright?"

She shrugs. Takes a sip of water out of a bottle sitting on the console between them. It's lukewarm and she rather wishes it was a slushie or something else cold and fruity instead.

"Just fine. Why wouldn't I be?"

Kylo fidgets. She feels a tiny and faint pressure on her mind but it disappears when her forehead creases into a frown of annoyance.

"You've been… very quiet. All day long. I know that you're tired and all. We both are. But…"

He takes the bottle from her when she struggles to cap it one-handed.

"But?"

"But it seems like you've got a lot on your mind."

Yeah, no shit she does. And there's so a huge part of her that wants to tell him _everything_. How much she cares about him and how afraid she is and ask him why the scary man is chasing them and why Kylo was even really stalking her to begin with. Because that whole "it's fate and I was compelled" excuse just doesn't cut it for them anymore. Not if he's going to drag her into all of the rest of his mess.

In a perfect world, that's exactly what she would do.

"I'm fine, Kylo."

The words sound much harsher than she had meant them to. Kylo looks positively crestfallen that she's brushed him off. And she realizes that he was trying to reach out to her. Make her feel better like he did before, except this time he was using his words like a normal person instead of… that thing he does. That thing they can both sort of do.

She's hurt his feelings and he tries to hide it by stiffly readjusting everything that had gotten knocked out of place by the bump in the road.

And that sounds so metaphorical, doesn't it?

Maybe it's a sign.

Rey sighs and slows down, pulling the SUV into a shady patch of creosote and grass overlooking a dry arroyo.

"Kylo?"

He presses his lips tightly together. Unbuckles his seatbelt but doesn't get out.

"What?"

"Did you do something to me last night?"

Rey knows that she doesn't have to spell out what she's referring to. He stares at his feet and stays silent.

She narrows her eyes. Trying to read his mind. Last night to almost no effort, but now they're both awake and her eyes are open. That makes it infinitely harder and she doesn't get very far before he senses her and keeps her locked out. But she does get at least one surface emotion.

Guilt.

Kylo feels guilty at the memory her question stirs up. That's all she needs to know the answer.

He still doesn't say anything Or look up. The "fasten your seatbelts" warning chime starts to ring while she waits, hackles steadily rising as the tension grows.

"Fuck it. Never mind."

She throws the SUV into park and turns it off with an angry twist of her wrist. Then unbuckles herself, opens the door, and stomps out. Catching herself from slamming it behind her since that would be too childish, even if she feels like doing exactly that.

Fresh air. Maybe that's all she needs. Fresh air and some temporary space away from the travel companion who spends his days virtually grafted on to her side.

She can't _think_ around Kylo. Not clearly and not when there's so many rising feelings and unresolved things going on between them.

And her phone just happens to be with her in her pocket now, too, so maybe-

"Rey, hold on."

He's there right beside her in a flash. His longer strides closing the space between them before she can get more than a few yards of distance.

He catches her wrist, bringing her to a stop. She glares out into the horizon, squinting from all the brilliant sunlight until he steps in front of her to shade her eyes. Then she glares at his chest.

So close again. Normal people don't stand this close to each other, do they?

"Don't be mad at me."

The breeze picks up, giving the inner heat caused by her rising temper a brief relief. Still, she has to force herself to inhale and exhale before replying.

"Have you done something I should be mad at?"

He steps closer. She steps back. Twists her wrist and he follows it with his own hand so she can't get out from that way either.

Then his free hand reaches up to cradle her face and she slaps it away.

"Leave me alone."

She tries to jerk her hand free but he's too persistent. Cupping her shoulder instead and he clears his throat. It makes her sigh. He's such a… child sometimes. No idea how to express himself but that doesn't stop him from just _wanting_ _things_.

"I'm… sorry?" he offers. It's pitiful. He doesn't even know why he's apologizing.

Please look at me. Please, please look at me.

The plea comes to Rey so clearly that it takes her a moment to realize that he hadn't said it out loud.

And, yes, when she looks up, he's staring at her with pure nervousness. So afraid that he's done something wrong and now is about to be scolded.

Rey gives in. Fighting him is too hard and she doesn't actually want to. Not when he's giving her the puppy-dog eyes that used to not work on her.

"Kylo..."

Let go of me and just give me twenty minutes of peace to myself, will you?

"Rey."

" _Kylo._ "

Godsdamnit boy...

"Would you like to practice again?"

His abrupt question breaks her one-sided showdown and once again leaves her struggling to follow his intention.

"Practice? You mean… the thing?"

Her less than articulate question is met by a sudden change in demeanor. Kylo almost smiles. Not quite, but a hint of it is there. Apparently he really likes the idea of teaching her. Especially if it's how to do that _thing_.

"I can show you, but only if you're not mad at me."

"I _am_ mad at you, Kylo."

She's not entirely sure for what, but there's clearly some reason why she should be judging by the way he's acting. And she has a distinct feeling her 'nightmare' from last night didn't happen quite like he'd lead her to believe.

He actually smiles, then. It irks her enough that she more forcibly pulls away and, this time, he lets her.

"It won't work if you're mad at me. If you want to learn some new tricks, you have to stop being mad and start liking me again."

 _And I liked you ever?_

She tries to push that thought through. It must be a success because he breaks out into a full-on grin.

"Of course you do. So what do you say? Deal?"

Rolling her eyes seems pointless but she does it anyhow.

"Deal."

* * *

The more they touch, the easier it is for them to connect.

They had chosen a spot in the shade of a rock outcropping that had reminded Rey of the one where she had first seen Kylo standing under. She spreads out a blanket across the ground and Kylo grumbles as the underside of it gets covered in sand and silt. It's such a _him_ sort of complaint to make but they must still be in their honeymoon phase because she finds his impractical neuroticism oddly endearing. And it's not like they can't just shove the blanket into a garbage bag and wash it later anyhow.

Okay. Time to get started. They start off by sitting cross-legged with only the top of their knees touching.

"More."

She scoots closer, leaning forward.

"A little more."

Kylo's fingers are twitching, like he's itching to just pick her up and haul her into his arms. When she hesitates to move any more onto him, he does exactly that. He scoops her up and puts her on his lap and the only way she can fit without kneeing him in the stomach is by wrapping her legs around his waist.

"Um..."

This is a new move for her. Good girls don't do this pose with strange hitchhikers.

"You're still good, Rey. Never worry about that."

She blinks.

"Oh, so we're starting already?"

It's kind of alarming just how easily he can slip inside her head without her noticing. But, to be fair to herself and her newfound 'you're a natural'-ness, she was thoroughly distracted. Because, for kriffssakes, she's practically mounting him. Their… middle parts are aligned. That knowledge alone is enough to make her think of all those happy mornings with him pressed up snug against her and-

Kylo clears his throat. Raises his eyebrow and there's a substantial tint to his cheeks. For Rey's part, she didn't even know that she could blush _this much_.

"You, um, need to focus."

His voice is deep and scratchy. Gods does that do something for her.

"Yeah yeah, I'm focused. I'm good."

He seems skeptical, but nods and closes his eyes. She stares at him. Randomly wants to kiss him. It makes her squirm against his lap before she realizes what she was doing.

"Rey..."

He keeps his eyes closed but the red on his cheeks deepens. This might be a terrible idea. How they can go from annoyed bickering and her just wanting a few minute's peace to herself to… this. Straddling him and wrapping her arms around his neck to bring their torsos closer together. Because, yeah, she's been doing that too without even realizing it.

"Close your eyes."

He says it like a request, but her lids snap shut without her permission. She can sense him all around her and now, with her eyes closed, it's much easier to tell where he is in her head.

"What do I do now?"

 _Say it silently._

Deep breaths, Rey. Deep breaths. You can do this no problem.

She deliberately doesn't think about what she tried to do last night. No thoughts about it at all. But not thinking about it also kind of brings it to attention. She feels Kylo poke at that spot and it makes her shudder, a chill running down her back. He starts rubbing along her spine to soothe it and when she presses closer he suddenly forgets all about what she was trying so hard to hide from him.

 _What do I do now?_ she asks.

 _What do you want me to show you?_

She thinks about it for a minute. His hands feels so nice on her, and his back is so firm under her fingers, but she's already seen much more of him before when-

He tries to follow that thought. She stops it immediately and absolutely. He pouts. She can sense it through their connection even if she can't see it. Time to change direction before he sees too much.

 _Show me your deepest secrets._

She tries to make it an order. Command him to do it just like he commanded her eyes to close.

He chuckles. It reverberates both in her head and under her palms.

 _It doesn't work like that. And no. I won't._

 _Why not?_

 _Show me yours first._

 _Is that what we're doing now? That's how we're playing? Show me yours and-_

 _This isn't a game, Rey. And don't make it sexual._

Well, that's unfair. It's damned near impossible _not_ to make it sexual when they're sitting like this.

 _Fine then. Show me how I look at night._

Alright, that seems safer. She's already seen herself through his eyes as she slept, so it should be an easy point of access into his mind.

And it is. She instantly sees herself curled up in his arms. Face dark with shadows but also brightened by moonlight.

Beautiful.

It's his thought, and he didn't mean to share it with her, so she darts away. Navigates into a deeper part of his subconscious and she can feel him do the same within her.

He's flipping through her thoughts and feelings for him. Such a needy boy. So desperate for approval. But she lets him, because he's utterly transfixed by the memory of the first time she stared at him and thought he was handsome.

Transfixed and not paying attention to her, so it's time for her to go on a treasure hunt.

Rey pictures that redheaded man. Visualizes the scene of him talking to Kylo. Her mind is achey around it and she can't play it like a movie anymore but rather only bring it up as a still image. It's enough, though. There's a vast web of thoughts and memories associated with that other man.

So they do know each other. Of course they do. She's not at all surprised, just disappointed.

 _Tell me his name._

She only sends the impulse, not the actual question. Kylo is still playing in her own memories, thoroughly enjoying her true delight at the dreamcatcher that he gifted her with after their first big fight. Or was it their second or third? Significant chunks of her memory from their first few days together are foggy to nonexistent.

 _Hux_. The thought pops in abruptly, startling her. The redhead man's name is Hux.

It's an odd sort of a name. Sounds more like a last than a first, but at least it's a start.

 _Okay, so tell me more about Hux._

Oh, Kylo's definitely hiding something from her with that. She feels his walls try to block her and when she tries to push through their connection starts to waver.

Her kissing him at night.

She shoves the thought at him, hoping for a distraction, and lo and behold it works. Like a dog chasing a stick he follows it, giving her just enough room to work her way in through the cracks to where she wants to go.

Except she ends up going to far. Still so new at this and with the added challenge of keeping her actions hidden makes it easy for her to fuck up. What had started off as a trickle of bits of information flood into her all at once but it's almost too much. Like a dam overflowing a levee and spilling into every available space in her mind.

It's a painful and wholly overwhelming sensation. Maybe she should have waited until he was asleep again, but it's too late now.

She struggles to find any sense of direction. Grasps onto anything that she can to ground herself. There's a wisp of emotion reflecting from Kylo, but she's in this on her own now. Wouldn't know how to pull back even if she wanted to which she doesn't yet. Now it might be her only chance.

He's known this Hux for a while. Years, even. That's how long the memories of him reach back. Their relationship is complicated and conflicted. They hate each other but they also kind of get along. He had been warning Kylo. Telling him not to do something.

And Kylo had been looking for her. It was no random encounter or mindless stalking like he'd claimed. He had been sent out to find her and only her.

Shock. Pure shock. An odd kind of shock, and it's not how she would normally feel about a revelation like this. Normally she'd be angry or hurt, but this is different.

Something else had happened then. After that point of argument between the two men but before he'd met her. Something that Kylo is desperately repressing.

Rey has to know what it is. She absolutely has to.

So she pushes. Fights it as it tries to yank her away. Ignores all the random echoes bouncing around her.

 _How could I have not known? She was standing right there?_

It's random and distracting and they're everywhere. Getting worse as she loses her concentration. Some of the echoes come from behind her, but they don't matter now when it's all she can do to hold on and claw her way deeper.

 _Oh…_

The single word is met with an odd sort of embarrassment.

Wait, what? It's all so confusing and she's losing her grasp. As hard as she struggles to go forward, she's getting swept back.

She leaps, one last-ditch effort.

 _Find her._

 _Find her. Prove to the world that I didn't make a mistake in you._

No.

The connection is lost in a millisecond. One moment she was _there_ , staring down over the precipice, and then it was gone. The transition happens so fast it leaves her dizzy and reeling. Collapsed in to Kylo's chest and he's stroking her hair.

"Rey?"

His voice sounds different. Tighter and as uneven as his breath.

She pulls back, looking up at him. He's flushed red again, and this time he's the one not meeting her eyes.

"I..."

One syllable. Infinite questions.

And as little as she understands what she just heard in his head, she understands why he's practically vibrating with embarrassment even less. But when she unwraps herself from around his waist she can feel that he's hard between her legs and _oh sweet mercy_ what was he looking at in herhead that got him so worked up? She'd been having a pretty miserable and disconcerting time but he'd apparently been-

"Don't be embarrassed. It's… normal. Sort of. Um..."

Kylo struggles to find the words. He's so flustered and holding himself completely rigid as she crawls off him, careful not to bump anything.

"I don't understand."

That part's true. She really doesn't. She has so much to try and process and-

"It's okay," he reassures her, reaching out to play with her hair that he must have worked free from her braid during their moment together.

It's like they were watching two completely different movies. Because she's thoroughly freaked out by what she saw and he's just acting all… weird and touchy-feely.

"What's okay?" she asks.

"You. I'm not angry. Just… surprised. If I'd known that you were there, I would have… I dunno… Stopped. Or covered up. Or something like that."

Rey frowns. Her head hurts, the persistent ache in it that had been pinching down on her since morning coming back all at once. And her enigmatic companion-slash-teacher's ramblings aren't helping one bit.

"Kylo, what the hell are you-"

Her question comes to a skidding stop and all she can do is stare at him with bug eyes as the horrible realization dawn over her.

He… he had _seen_ her. When she was distracting him with sexy thoughts while she snooped, he'd gone too far into her head. Had gone past the boundaries of light flirting and infatuation to seeing a memory that _she_ had really, really not wanted him to. The irony is not lost on her, but neither is the shocking surge of mortification that comes with the truth. Kylo had seen her when she was watching him bathe by the creek two days ago. Well, technically he wasn't exactly _bathing_ and she'd shoved her hand in her pants and-

"Oh no. _No._ "

Rey can't handle this. No one can handle this.

She scrambles off his lap like she's on fire. He tries to reach out for her, huffing apologies and reassurances as her heart feels as if it's about to drop straight out of her body.

Waking up with his hard-on against her back is one thing. She actually doesn't mind that as much as she thought she would. It's kind of flattering, in a way. But her victim knowing that she masturbated furiously while watching him do the same?

It's too much. Her life is over. She can never look at him or anyone ever, ever again.

She sprints out into the great nowhere. Dried grass tangling around her ankles and her shoes skidding on loose rocks. Literally she's running away from him and the source of the single most excruciatingly humiliating moment of her life. If it had been anyone else, she could have played it off as a joke or told him that he was imagining things. It it had been anyone else, it never would have happened.

Kylo calls after her. Shouts at her again that 'it's okay! Come back!'

At least he doesn't follow her, though. Because it's really, really not okay.

Godsdamnit, why did he have to be so… paranormal? Why couldn't he just be a regular, dumb pretty boy? She just wants a regular, dumb pretty boy. The kind that would let her get away with so much and never know any better. Is that too much to ask?

Yes. Apparently it really is.

* * *

Author's Note:

I'm currently in southeast Asia and dealing with very sporadic/craptastic internet until the end of May, so the next update is either going to be sooner but quite short or later and around 4-5k length. I may try to do two short ones instead and split the difference. I have them both partially written but it's really up to the shitty internet gods and if they feel like blessing me with their bounty or not. *offers them a virgin sacrifice* (Rey scowls and warns me not to try any funny business)


	14. Endless, Boundless, Necessary

Summary:

Where our duo do what they do second best.

* * *

No matter where she looks or high how she climbs, Rey can't catch a cellphone signal anywhere.

Damnit. Why must life be so hard?

It's not like she had completely made up her mind to call _him_ or not yet, but she kept checking her phone as she aimlessly walked just to know if she had the option to or not.

Not yet. Not here, at least.

And she'd wanted some time away from Kylo to clear her head. She'd gotten exactly that through a long and scorchingly hot mid-afternoon walk through the high prairie. Sunlight was always both her friend and enemy, but even for her it's too much to take out here. Shade opportunities were infrequent and most relegated to spotty coverage from junipers or by crouching under a heat-reflecting rock wall.

It served to exhaust her, though, which was her intention. Make herself so tired that she could escape from the trauma of what had just happened.

By the time she had gotten back to her car she had the start of a robust sunburn forming on both her face and arms. Not to mention being thoroughly dehydrated. Probably it was a very poor idea to turn tail and run off into the desert like that, but she had been left with no choice. It was either flee or ritual suicide. One or the other.

To her infinite surprise, Kylo is nowhere around. Maybe it was selfish, but in a way she's glad for that so that she can delay the inevitable for just a little bit longer. They hadn't discussed staying here for the night, but he had already made camp already and had set out the tent while she was gone. Rey actually would have preferred to move on since this site wasn't anything special, but since he's gone to so much effort it will have to do.

Where is he, though? In the early days of knowing him, all that less than two weeks ago, he would disappear for hours at a time during the night. But then he stopped doing that when they started sleeping together. Or at least she thinks that he stopped. Heavens know what he was getting up to or if he'd been coercing her to sleep just so he that his absence would go unnoticed.

Was that too pessimistic? Realistic? Probably a bit of both, truly.

It's okay. He'll be back. It's not like he has anywhere else to go. Rey knows that she has to face him sometime, but she's still frazzled from her walk and all she wants a few minutes in peace to cool down, drink as much lukewarm water as she can tolerate, and collect herself.

She sits down in the shade cast by her car and draws patterns in the sand with a stick. The lack of any real amenities like tall and leafy trees or sitting logs were part of why she hadn't wanted to stay in this spot, but the steady breeze is nice.

And she can feel him, too. Vaguely. Can tell that he's out there somewhere and that he's thinking about her.

An interesting development. She didn't used to be able to do that. It seems like he's somewhere that's pretty far away but she can't pinpoint the exact direction. When he gets back maybe she can get him to teach her how to do this locating thing that better because the odds are good that if she can feel him out there he can sense where she is too.

* * *

Kylo doesn't come back until after the sunset.

Rey had waited, her anxiousness at their upcoming encounter steadily building. Then she'd made dinner, because it's not nice to fight on an empty stomach. Then dinner had gotten cold and she'd been annoyed but also was growing in concern.

It's not like Kylo to be away from her for so long. He used to never let her out of his sights. So afraid to give her any opportunity to take off and leave him. Now they've gotten past that stage of their relationship, apparently, and the roles have reversed. She's the one left pining and nervous for _him_ to come back.

For a while, she had tried to reach out and find him. Pinpoint exactly where he was. No luck, though. That notion she had felt of him earlier had faded and she has no idea how to get it back. Now all she can do is sit and wait and worry.

Finally, as the hours had drifted by in listless silence, she had started to feel exposed. Vulnerable at being so alone in the great open. For the comfort of familiarity, she had sat in the car and stared out into the fading twilight. Yes, okay, she was starting to miss him terribly which is ridiculous because they've only been apart for a few hours. What sort of needful, co-dependent relationship had they formed? How can she be so used to being alone but then completely lose herself so quickly?

It's getting dark and they're alone together out here. What if he gets lost? Or hurt? Or wandered out looking for her like a lost puppy dog and then couldn't find his way back?

Which is just another way of saying maybe he got lost. Tears prick at the corner of her eyes.

Godsdamnit Kylo, you'd better get your fucking ass back here right-

The door opens. Kylo leans down and looks at her. His chest is heaving slightly like he'd been walking or running. Maybe he had to hurry back since it was getting dark? Rather than ask, she nods at him, feeling utterly thankful that it's too dark for him to see the wet tracts on her cheeks.

"Hey," he says.

"Hey."

How elegant. They make such a well-spoken couple.

"Are you alright?"

"Um… fine. Where did you go?"

He steps away. Holds the door open for her as she steps out. Her butt had fallen asleep from sitting for so long and her legs have pins and needles.

"For a walk. I needed to clear my head."

Kriff, they're even starting to express themselves in the same way. Now that's just a downright disturbing thought.

"Oh."

Kylo sighs. There's still enough light that she can see how he looks sunblasted and tired.

"Rey, we need to-"

"I know. But have some water first," she reaches behind herself and finds a bottle to hand him. He drowns it all in one long drink. "And dinner, too. I made you dinner."

He gives a grunt of acknowledgement. Yeah, that was about as excited as she gets with cold Mac 'n Cheese, too.

She spreads out the blanket again to sit down on but Kylo stands and paces. Picking at his mediocre dinner with a finickiness that she's become thoroughly used to by now.

Neither one of them seem to want to begin talking. Rey feels a twinge of nausea at the idea of the inevitable confrontation. Kylo is quiet. He's usually quiet, but this time he keeps a good distance from her. No hugging under the starlight tonight, apparently.

"Okay, I think… I don't know."

And Rey's not capable of being articulate, but she's still the one who has to break the silence first.

"Are you still angry at me, Rey? Because I'm really not upset about you doing that, just-"

Rey rapidly drops her fork and waves a 'cancel!' at him. He pauses mid-whatever embarrassing thing he was about to say. Because, oh no, they're not going to be talking about _that_. Ever. Never ever.

Kylo waits and stares. The expectant puppy who's not sure if his master is going to scold him or praise him. It's too much. He's always too much. She has to distract herself from his endless intensity by wiping the silverware clean and ignoring the pointed looks he's giving her that she's not using water.

And this is ridiculous. Just… rip the band-aid off. That's what she needs to do.

"Why didn't you tell me that you knew Hux?"

If Kylo has a strong reaction to her question, he hides it well. In fact, all he offers at first is rigid silence. For a moment she wonders if he's not pushing at her mind and she simply doesn't realize it, but then he finally speaks.

"I _did_ tell you, Rey. I told you that he worked at the place I used to stay. But how is it that you know his name?"

Her confidence wavers. Not that it was ever very high, but now she has to admit to him that she-

"I was looking for it, okay? When we were… together, this afternoon. I wanted answers and since you weren't telling me, I… looked."

Kylo stares at her. Opens his mouth then seems to think better of it. Rey looks at the ground. She knows that guilt must be written all over her face, but… it's his fault. She was only protecting herself. And he's violated her privacy on so many occasions that she's only just doing what he taught her to.

"You're very strong."

She looks up then and is surprised to find him standing right next to her. He'd moved so invisibly in the darkness and she'd been so wrapped up in her own conscience that she hadn't noticed.

"What else?" he asks.

She frowns when he kneels down next to her. Something is off about his body language. It's much more… purposeful. Very different from the soft and almost meek hunch she's used to from him. He's always trying to make himself smaller around her, as if he's hyper aware of their differences in size even though she rarely notices it anymore. Not now, though. Now it's like he's holding himself back.

Fine, it's intimidating. Especially given all the warnings she's been told or has ignored from her own mind.

"I didn't know at all," he murmurs when she doesn't answer. "I didn't notice when you did it. That's incredible."

"Why didn't you?"

He huffs softly. Reaches out and touches her shoulder and immediately she can feel the push of him against her mind.

"Because I was looking at nicer things. Did you do those, too?"

A tiny little bit of pain in her head. Just a tiny burn from an ember. But it's enough to make her tear herself away. She can't risk him do _something_ to her now and stopping whatever progress she's pulled out of him.

"Don't touch me."

"Rey, please," his voice is a low plea, "I'm not trying to-"

"You're in my head! You _have_ to stop doing that without telling me!"

She scrambles to her feet, stepping to the far edge of the blanket and she can see his head dip in disapproval of her getting her shoes onto the clean side of it.

"Because you were in mine. And what else did you see?"

He steps sideways. She matches it in reverse. The edges of the blanket making an irrational wall between them that he seems reluctant to cross.

"When? When did I see what?"

"When you were distracting me," his voice takes on a much quieter resonance and her cheeks flush from something else then rising stress.

Gods how she wishes she could trust him.

"Nothing," she lies. "All I got was his name. And that you know each other a whole lot better than you'd lead me to believe."

Kylo makes an odd noise. Annoyed. But also she's sure there's more to it. She wishes she could see his face, but it's just too dark.

She takes a step forward and his chin lifts up. And there it is, there's that hopeful body language. No matter how strained things get between them, all it seems to take to bring him around is the slightest sliver of attention from her.

"Tomorrow I want you to teach me how to block you," she demands.

She swears she could hear him suck in a breath.

"Why- Why in the world would I want to do that? That's the _last_ thing I'd ever want to do!"

"Because..." she takes another step. He stays perfectly still, just his large eyes shining in the moonlight to tell her he's listening to every word. "Because if you don't, then I'll know that I can't trust you. And if I can't trust you, then… then thing will have to change between us."

She doesn't elaborate on what she means. Hasn't decided yet for herself because, in all complete honesty, it's a largely empty threat. For the most part, she absolutely loves the way things have been going between them. Lying, stalking, and potentially life threatening risks notwithstanding. Maybe she loves him, too, but she can't let him know that. It's the only card she has left to play.

Kylo's shoulders fall. He seems so torn. Shakes his head and finally crosses the invisible forcefield that is the blanket to stand in front of her. He tries to take her hand and she pulls it away. His sigh tickles her nose.

"Rey… I can't."

He reaches out and strokes her cheek before sliding it down her neck to her shoulder. This she allows.

"Can't? Or won't?"

He shrugs. That damnable shrug of his.

"So it _can_ be done, then?" she continues, "I know you can block me, so that means I can do it to, right?"

His hand lifts off her shoulder. Floats it in the air by her temple and she knows _exactly_ what's on his mind.

She steps back abruptly. Needing to put space between them _right now_ before he continues.

"I'm sleeping in the car tonight."

A resolute conclusion. Stay out of arms reach and don't lose your nerve.

She turns abruptly to leave and get away from him. Stumbles slightly as the motion makes the blanket wad up around her feet. Kylo steadies her effortlessly. Sweeping her off her feet and into his arms. It's so obnoxious how much stronger he is. He wasn't even _trying_ and suddenly he has her surrounded.

"Please don't do that, Rey. Don't go to sleep mad at me."

She scoffs. And struggles. Chances are that neither of them are going to get much sleep tonight.

"Let me go right now," she orders, miffed that he seems to think nothing of how he's manhandling her.

Kylo whines. Presses his chin against her shoulder. She elbows him in the ribs and he relents, letting her go with a grunt.

"Can we talk about this in the morning?" he asks, increasing the volume of his voice as she scrambles away.

"No."

They should talk. It's what adults do. But when he starts to follow her, hesitant and careful to keep his movements slow, she sprints the rest of the distance. Throws open the passenger side door and slams it behind her. The locks click into place and she wraps her arms around herself to steady her racing heart.

Talk about deja vu, right?

The crunching of boots in gravel. She looks straight ahead and shoves the thought of _go away_ at him. It's a messy move, given her agitated mental state, so

"Rey?" he whispers. She glares at his shadowy form through the glass. Nope, not going to answer. Definitely not.

"Rey," he tries again, shifting the tone of his voice to a timbre less whiney. "Remember the last time you locked yourself in the car to get away from me?"

Oh wow. Like it was possible that she could ever, ever forget _that_ night. And she's still going to refuse to answer, no matter what ludicrous thing he's building up to.

"This is better, right? You're angry, but you're not _as_ angry. So I must be doing something right. Right?"

She rolls her eyes. Gods what kind of a psycho is she dealing with?

"Kylo?" she whispers. It's hardly even a whisper. She can barely hear it herself. Still, his head immediately perks up and he leans closer, a hint of fog from his breath darkening the window.

"Rey?"

So hopeful. She's really in trouble here, isn't she?

"Go away. I want to sleep."

And with that she flops over onto her side. Stares at the opposite door for what feels like an eternity until she hears him turn and the sound of his footsteps gradually fade away.

* * *

Author's Note:

I know, I know, this was a teeny little baby of a chapter. I had planned on adding this part on to the next one but then there was a big shift in both the scenes and tone so I thought it would be better by itself even if it's a shortie. And since I already finished writing this earlier… viola, instant bonus chapter! Get it up while the internet's up.

next time: Kylo, in all his brilliant understanding of women, comes up with a fool-proof plan to get Rey to stop feeling so embarrassed about perving on him. It works about as well as you'd expect it to.


	15. Psychopaths and the Women Who Rub Them

Summary:

Hands off the goods, Kylo. Oh wait, Rey's into it. 'Kay, nevermind. You two crazy kids have fun. And I'm a firm believer that the only naturally intended use of the Force is to have long distance kinky sex through it.

* * *

The headrest of Kylo's seat smells like him.

It's kind of a problem. Rey is _trying_ to sleep. She really is. Sleep her steadily simmering hurt, anger, and mortification away. That background growl of resentment and mutual misunderstanding that's constantly threatening to rear its ugly head and make her say something that she really means but probably should still just keep to herself anyhow.

Rey can only pray that, in the light of dawn, everything will somehow have fixed itself and she can stand to look at Kylo again. Maybe she'll wake up as a better person. Someone who's an adult and willing to confront their countless issues together head on.

Yeah, that's probably not going to happen.

Kylo has to do his part in reconciliation, too. And he's… just so Kylo. Clueless and thoroughly rooted in his own version of reality.

That makes him sound like a crazy person. So is it wrong that she needs to prove to herself that he's not? Three hours have gone by since their argument, give or take. She's been tracking the progress of the moon across the sky and it's almost midnight now. Now and then she'll check her phone, just in case she somehow can get a signal out here and make a very important call.

And she almost does, a few times, but it's that obnoxious thing where it must be a distanct reflection off the side of a mountain or something like that because it never lasts more than a second. Just long enough for her to get her hopes up, and then it disappears and leaves her back in the dark and silence.

And she's so exhausted mentally. For as deep as she cares about Kylo, dealing with his drama is shatteringly tiring. A good, deep night's sleep is exactly what she needs. Relax, get comfortable, drift off. Embrace oblivion. That's the plan.

Except that it's not working.

She keeps smelling him no matter what angle she places her pillow or head. Next she tries flopping from side to side, rocking against the bowed edges of the car seat.

Maybe stomach sleeping? She's not a stomach sleeper, who the hell can sleep like that? But she tries it anyhow, desperation winning out over fear of not waking up with an epic crick in her neck. But then that doesn't help her in the slightest. All it does is put added pressure on her lower body and remind her of how damn _frustrated_ she is at the moment.

Dear gods woman, get thy hormones under control.

It was all that rubbing and touching during their earlier mediation session together. Her mind may have gotten distracted by later events, but her body sure as hell never fully forgot about all that fun.

Torn between anger and embarrassment and horniness, it's hard to think about anything else. Definitely not sleeping. That's apparently right off the menu for the night. And it's strange, but this isn't normal behavior for her. There should be nothing better than a good argument with her creepy stalker to annihilate any such yearnings, at least for a while.

But this is something new and different. She's angry, confused, and now, also, surprisingly lonely. Just a few hours without him and now there's more than only the one reason why she's having yet another sleepless night.

He smells good. His old bed smells good. Where he used to sleep before he traded places and became her human sleeping bag. He's not supposed to smell this good, given their lifestyle. She didn't used to think he did, or rather never really noticed it during those first few days.

But now after a marathon of nights pressed up so close to him, it's become a familiar and highly welcome scent. Comforting in her time of stress, but also that little bit… well, let's just say that she likes it.

If she hadn't been so stubborn, she could be right there with him now. Wrapped up in their blissful love nest like they both want her to be.

But sometimes, no matter how hard you want something, things simply don't work out that way.

Is it stupid that she misses him so much already? Missed him that afternoon when he'd disappeared and misses him more now.

The temptation to try and reach out to him is acute to the point of near-pain. The romantic in her wants to give in and go to her tent. Throw open the door and fall into his waiting arms. Apologize for being such a bitch and then fall asleep with him holding her.

Bliss. And a fantasy. She shouldn't and she won't. He can't just get a free pass to fuck with her head and then think that everything is still going to be fine.

A lie of omission is still a lie. She has to keep reminding herself of that. And multiple, catastrophic omissions are even worse. Tomorrow… tomorrow is another day. It's a terrible thing to have to dread that.

Rey closes her eyes. Tries to will herself to sleep. Remembers what it felt like when he'd coaxed her into dreaming before. She hold on to that strange, slightly dizzy feeling.

Sleep, Rey, sleep.

...

And sleep won't come. But she hadn't actually expected it to.

* * *

The first touch is so shocking that Rey's eyes shoot wide open.

She hadn't been asleep yet, but had been drifting in that hazy space somewhere between the two worlds. And then she'd felt a hand on her, waking her up. Gentle and barely there. It had been so soft and so real to her.

She raises her head, looking up. No one is around. Just her all by herself in the car. It's very late and she should be sleeping. Of course. She doesn't have her sleeping bag because it was trapped back in the tent. A place where she didn't dare go near because she would lose all her resolve the minute she got too close to him when she's like this. Guaranteed.

But that meant that she had been getting a little cold. She'd grabbed Kylo's hoodie from the backseat and used it instead. Put it on and wrapped it tightly around her.

It had smelled like him, too. Unfortunately. Maybe that was what was making her imagine things. A constant sensory reminder that she was by herself right now. Alone in the car without him and not where she really wanted to be.

Rey forces her eyes closed again. She feels a bit sleepy now. That's good. Actually, maybe she feels a lot sleepy, with all those wasted hours finally catching up to her, but it's not like that will make a difference. Her mind is racing with a mix of bittersweet nostalgia combined with pettiness and inner heat. The last thing she needs is to let the last part of that take over her common sense.

The touch comes back, then. Triggered by her thoughts and there's a slight hesitance to it as she feels it caress the side of her face. It's all exactly right. The size of it and how it covers her whole jaw, the pressure from his fingers, the surprising restraint of his motions.

Everything is so perfectly reminiscent of Kylo except that there's no scent of soap and dust.

 _Rey._

His voice and she turns her face to the side to nuzzle the headrest. The soft material rubs along her cheek and completes the sensory experience.

 _Come back to our bed._

She can't tell if this is real or her dream. Her secret wish fulfillment. If it's a dream, it's a _nice dream_. He's supposed to be good at giving her nice dreams.

And the things he's saying to her now… It's not the words so much, but the intention behind them. That hopeful nudge that he's sending into her. Making her want nothing more than to scurry back into their tent and wrap her legs around him as she pulls him close.

The secret touch slides from her cheek to her lips. Tracing them before lightly moving lower. She can picture it so clearly that her own hand joins in. Presses along her jaw line with his movements and her heart starts to stutter.

Gods, it's like he's really there with her. Really caressing her like this, but if he was she'd have to put a stop to it immediately. Aside from a few wandering hands to her butt and his morning insights, everything that they've done together in reality has been pretty tame. And yet, it's only been a minute of this and already she's beginning to get a little out of control. The heat pooling within her is making her begin to ache. Her legs want to rub together as various body parts start to beg her to lose her inhibitions.

And all that from a caress that isn't even real.

 _This isn't happening._ She whispers it to him. Reaching out for him but she doesn't have to reach far. His mind is open wide to her. Receptive and pleading for her attention.

 _It can be, if you want it to._

The ghostly caress moves up the lobe of her ear. Gives her the tiniest of nips and she gasps.

Oh gods, he's being so bold. He never would be if this was real. But now, like this, it gives them both so much more freedom. Freedom to misbehave and then comfortably deny it in the light of day.

 _Rey…_

So needy. So much desire and longing offered by that one little syllable.

Phantom lips kiss behind her ear and she can barely stand it. Her skin feels on fire. Desperate for him to keep going.

" _Oh gods Kylo"._ She moans it out loud, knowing that he'll hear it regardless of where he actually is.

A pleasure that is so unfamiliar to her own shoots through her across her nerves along with a realization: he's touching himself while doing this to her. Imagining or projecting this to her. She can't tell which way is which and the knowledge that he's actually doing _that_ while thinking about her… It's so unimaginably erotic that she has to bite down on her fist to stop from begging.

And she can see him now. The image of him dim and flickering in and out of her mind like a candle in a breeze. He's laying on their bed in her tent, eyes closed and mouth parted. He's taken himself into hand. Stroking languidly with his eyes closed and his mind pulling her into the embrace that she's denying them both from.

Every fleck of Rey's willpower dissolves in that instant.

She whimpers his name, burning with unrequited desire. Pleading and whimpering her confusing lust to him. Please _please_ keep going. Don't stop now. Don't make me stop.

The strength of her reaction surprises them both. It's so out of character for her. She's never been touched like this by anyone but herself, and this isn't even real.

Maybe that's why? Maybe her emotions and desire are so much stronger than ever before because they're being shared? When it was just her spying on Kylo she was so worried about being caught that she couldn't really let go.

Her hand is shaking when she brings two fingers up to her mouth and wets them with her tongue.

 _Is this okay?_

Her question startles Kylo. She feels him pull back from her head, and her nearly overflowing desire settles down to allow a more rational state of mind.

 _Rey._

Just her name again. A deep rumbling purr and she'll take that as his yes.

Her fingers are pulled out of her mouth and she feels them tingle in the cool night air. Her other hand traces along the column of her neck before dipping to her collarbone. Making a slow but direct line of progression down her body.

Kylo groans and the movement of his hand falters. Does he know what she's doing? Does he thinks this is only his fantasy of her? He had no idea last time, and yet... here she is again. _Watching_ him again.

Or perhaps he knows everything. Is projecting this into her to get back at her for being such a naughty, guilty voyeur.

And oh what a thought that is. Vengeful Kylo, giving her a taste of him that's all for her own.

 _Yes. Keep going._

She unbuttons her pants hand and it would be lie to say she wasn't equally as scared as she was enthusiastic. Never ever has she been this brazen. It's simply not in her nature. Now though, somehow, it's okay. No need to feel embarrassed anymore. There's only one person here to see her, and he deserves to have his turn with her, doesn't he?

Wait… does he?

Yeah, sure. This is all just in her head. She's safe here, with him.

Rey unzips her fly and wriggle her pants down her hips far enough for her to hike her legs up and bend her knees. Then she hesitates. He starts stroking himself again. Encouraging her.

They're both so desperate for each other now. Whatever she was feeling before being magnified again and again and how is it possible for her to feel so _connected_ to him right now?

Sex complicates things. Always. Or so she's been told.

But what if the sex isn't real?

Well, then… in _that_ case… It's all good.

So she keeps going.

Her fingers slip inside her panties but she keeps coy. Refuses to take them off even at his husky whisper in her ear for her to just get rid of them so he can see her.

She starts to touch herself, shy and faltering. Fingertips barely making contact with her skin. The lips on her neck return, hungrier and more needy then before.

Gods, what in the world are they doing? What is _he_ doing to her?

 _More_.

Oh yes, oh kriff. More more _more_.

She presses a little harder, feeling how quickly her slick skin swells under even the slightest of her touches. He groans in her head, adjusting his grip on himself and she has to look away. Watching him stroke himself took her apart with record speed last time, but now she doesn't want to rush to finish.

 _It's all about you, Rey. All about you…_ his voice is so shaky. So is her hand. Trembling with barely controlled bliss as she presses on herself with the flat of her palm. Her body lifts itself, both inside herself and off the seat, as she drags up, pulling her skin tight and exposing her little nub from its hood.

Kylo chokes. Stops his own movement and she can feel him struggle to calm himself down.

 _How long?_ she asks.

How long do I have? How long can you wait?

 _As long as you need._

It's all about you. But hurry. Please.

He doesn't say any of that, but the need is there, and who is she to deny him anything right now?

She keeps her palm up, skin pulled taut, and starts to rub herself in earnest. Not quite in the frenzied, nervous sort of way she had before, but she definitely doesn't want to keep either of them suspended for much longer.

Her index finger works along her slit, rubbing and pressing and playing with herself while Kylo watches from afar. Everything about his almost spellbound fixation is making her even hotter, and damned if she doesn't think he's also taking notes on her technique.

 _A little more_.

Either he says it, tempting her unnecessarily, or its her own warning to herself. But she's so slick against her fingers and yet still so unfulfilled.

Her other hand joins in to amplify their session together. Fighting with the elastic of her panties becomes tedious so she finally just yanks them to her ankles before kicking them off entirely. Kylo groans in her ear and she could almost swear that he kisses her forehead before pulling back and watching the show.

She pushes two fingers inside herself and crooks them, making her whole body shiver and her back arch off the seat. Inner muscles start to flutter, clamping down and testing the way to the finish line. And she whines, so wrapped up in her pleasure that her top hand loses its repetitive pace.

Kylo joins in then. Letting go of his grasp on himself to push aside her wrist, and she grows dizzy as his phantom fingers play with her body. He does it perfectly. Exactly like he's seen her do to herself, and she's so achingly empty all of a sudden. Wanting so much more than her own touch.

He pinches her, rolling her nerve-loaded spot carefully, and she shrieks. Gasping and panting noisily as her pleasure boils over and she climaxes to the feel of both a real and imagined touch. She tries to moan his name but she can't. It's all too much and, as much as she wants to thank him, there's no way she can speak when every part of her body is squeezing tight.

The windows are fogged. She notices that listlessly as she comes down.

He holds her throughout it. Wrapping his arms around her like he would if he was hugging her and she was on his lap. He kisses her forehead again and, when his face is safely buried in the sweaty nape of her neck, she pulls her hand free from herself. Presses her legs tightly together and closes her eyes for a moment.

"Kylo," she whispers. A drop of condensation rolls along a tract the inside of the glass by her face and she watches as it collects on the edge of the frame.

 _You're so beautiful. The most perfect, beautiful thing I've ever seen._

His words are a cliché, but they make her smile. She rolls her head to the side and he nuzzles her neck.

She could fall asleep so easily like this. No doubt it would be the best sleep she's ever had. At least recently. But when she leans back against him, ready to be safe and warm in his strong arms, it's not actually real. There's nothing but soft, old upholstery pressing onto her skin.

No. No, that won't do at all. Problems do have solutions, and this one's all too easy to fix.

* * *

Rey can't stand being without him for even one second more.

She all but throws herself out of the car, barely remembering to slam the door shut behind her as she hurries to cross the distance between them. She's totally made her point. Silent treatment over, leave me alone over, keep your hands off me definitely over. He has to have learned his lesson by now, she's sure of it. So she wastes no more time with such pointlessness.

In her eagerness, it actually takes her two tries to get the zipper of her tent open. Excited fingers fumbling and failing before she can yank it open enough to get through. Then she kicks off her shoes, not caring that one of them gets sent flying into the dark unknown, and dives inside.

She pounces on Kylo like a cat. Shoving him onto his back as he tries to reach out for her and then promptly straddling him. His erection presses on her thigh and she grinds herself against it automatically. Not thinking at all as she circles her hips and relishes in his choked gasp of shock.

"Rey..." he groans.

His hands immediately rising up to squeeze her hips tightly, and she can't tell whether he's trying to pull her off or push herself onto him harder.

Then she kisses him, pinning him down with her hands on his shoulders and her tongue twisting around his own. It's sloppy, messy, full of teeth, and exactly what she feels she needs at this moment.

One of his hands slides lower to its favorite perch on her butt and the other moves up to sink into her hair, tugging gently to make her pull back and expose her neck for him. The kisses he presses across her throat quickly turn into bites and she's getting way to hot way to fast.

Well that's an easy one to fix, also. She just needs to take off some clothes.

She peels her T-shirt off her sweaty skin in one quick move and hopes her hardest that he can't see that she's trembling in the half darkness. Self-consciousness runs through her but it's hard to feel too embarrassed when the proof of how much he likes seeing her topless is jutting against her inner thigh.

Then she goes back to kissing him again, this time arching her back to bring her breasts into contact with the broadness of his chest. Hoping that he gets the message she's too shy to speak out loud.

He does, but he's still too hesitant. Cradling the sides of her chest and timidly, far too cautiously, allowing his thumb to stroke in ticklish circles near her right breast but never actually touching.

More kissing, then. That's what they need. Randomly Rey wishes she was drunk, or at least had a few drinks first to help this go smoother. She squirms on him, then. Rocking in a raunchy serpentine along his swollen length while silently begging for him to lose control and flip her over.

Touch me, boy, touch me touch me touch me.

He must hear her. Of course he does. Because he squeezes her ass and pulls her down even harder against him, drawing out a muffled moan from both of them at the same time.

And then the other hand finally cups her breast, holding it and carefully circling the perimeter of her nipple. She doesn't have any chance to fully register her shock before he pulls away from her mouth to dip his head lower.

Rey whines, a low and incoherent growled rendition of his name as he kisses her nipple before swiping his tongue over it flatly and bringing it into his mouth.

 _Oh good gods_ why the hell haven't they done this before? She almost feels like she could climax again, right now and just from him doing that to her. But, you know what? Now her pants are starting to chafe her. Definitely got to fix that, too.

She pulls away from him, blushing at the lewdly wet pop her flesh makes as it slides free of his affectionate lips. The way he stares up at her then is obscene. So blatantly _worshipful_. There's no other word she could use to summarize the pure adoration in his eyes. It's quite a powerful feeling, really, and for a moment she's too captivated by him to remember what they were in the middle of doing.

Dry humping like crazy? Yes. That was it.

Her body reminds her, fortunately. The ache between her legs intensifying with every second Kylo meets her gaze with his adoring eyes, with every one of his breaths that tingles across her skin and makes her still wet nipple prickle with longing to be touched.

"Clothes," she whispers.

He doesn't answer. But he bends down again, dipping his head to taste her skin again and she has to grip his hair to stop him. Convinced that, if he continues to tease her like he'd been doing before, she really will finish in his arms again. She doesn't want it, not like that. What she wants is-

Oh gods, they're really about to do this, aren't they?

"We… can't, Rey," Kylo pulls away, leaving her body tingling and her head reeling. "We have to stop now."

He's actually trying to be the voice of reason. That's incredible. But also, fuck that. No. Absolutely not. By the standards of some cultures, they've already had sex in her car. Deed's been done. Now they're just… finishing up the technicalities.

She kisses him again, rapidly turning mindless to her won desire but throwing in a few nips along his lips in punishment for him daring to try and end this prematurely.

But Kylo is every singly bit as insistent as she is. Leaning away and, when she follows, picking her up by her waist and lifting her off him.

"Rey, we can't. We really can't."

She stares at him. That same hungry, coveting look is in his eyes. He doesn't mean it.

"Sure we can, Kylo. Absolutely."

She leans forward, he scoots back.

"No. Stop."

Those two words, said shakily but with a finality to his voice that makes a twinge of rejection shoot through her. Cooling a little of her inner heat and confusing the hell out of every part of her.

It takes her a minute to collect herself. She pulls back to the far side of the tent, which still leaves barely any distance at all between them.

"Why?" she finally forces herself to ask.

Her body is still practically thrashing with desire and pleasure, and she instinctively wants to lash out at him for being so selfish as to be sensible right now.

"Because," he wets hips lips and she wants them again, damn him. "Because this has gone too far. I didn't mean for… you to feel this way."

She breathes. Not understanding. Staring at him and trying to, but he's not…

"But… you touched me in my dream. You told me it could be real if I wanted it to be, and..."

And gods if she didn't want it to be. Still wants it to be, despite this awkward speedbump in their path together.

Rey doesn't know exactly how she looks at that moment, but she has a suspicion that Kylo's confused, drawn-brow expression is matching her own.

"What are you talking about?" he asks.

And _now_ comes the latent cringing. She rocks back on her heels, fumbling blindly behind her until she locates her discarded top. He looks away as she pulls it back on, the moment between them officially ruined and now he's gone back to his bashful sense of chivalry. Giving her a second of privacy to get dressed despite sucking on her tits less than two minutes beforehand.

"In my dream," she's not letting him off that easily. He did this to her he can damn well own up to it. "You came to me in my dream and touched me. Held me as I..." her voice trails back to nothing. Is there a polite and proper way to say 'fingered me until I got off in your arms'?

He catches that thought. Looks away quickly and _holy shit_ if this moment didn't actually become even more uncomfortable than before.

"I didn't… do anything. You were dreaming about me and I figured since you spied in my head earlier I might as well-"

"Bullshit."

He's being a cagey fucker again. He has to be. Except, when she finally brings herself to meet his eyes, she knows that he's not.

"You didn't… but what about the whole 'its all about me but hurry up' part? When you were… touching yourself and watching me."

What about when you told me how beautiful I am afterwards?

Kylo looks like he'd rather be anywhere but here. Such a miserable turnaround so quickly.

"That was... all you, Rey. You were dreaming about me and I let it happen because it was my turn, but I didn't, y'know, start it-"

"Wait, what do you mean ' _was your turn'_?"

"It was," he frowns, catching the dark glare she's shooting him and seeming very confused about it. "Right?"

"No. Gods no."

"But you… watched me first. So… yeah, no. _No_. It was my turn. Fair is fair."

He's serious. He genuinely means that. Rey almost feels nauseous. This was like the worst roller coaster she could imagine. He doesn't understand. He just doesn't. He doesn't understand anything.

"I… need some space."

Her voice sounds shaky. Her legs are shaky, and with all the recent inversion her blood has no idea where to flow, making her rapid exodus from the tent into a clumsy mess.

"Rey? Did I do something wrong?"

And _a_ _gain_. He has no clue. And to think she was about to lose her virginity to this… this clueless lunatic.

She can't find her shoes, so she goes out barefoot, her toes sinking into the sand that's still has a touch warmth from the daytime sun. A tear leaks from her eye and she quickly swipes it away as she hears Kylo get out, fumbling with his own footwear, and walk over to her.

"Rey?" he asks again.

She ignores him. Or tries to. Tugging her arm free when he tries to hold on to it to spin her around and face him.

It's childish and she knows it. But… she'd really thought they'd been having a special moment together. It had felt so wonderful at the time, but to find out that he'd made her do _that_ simply to settle the score between them?

And no, she doesn't believe him that he hadn't started it. He _had_ to have. Planted the seed of an erotic dream into her subconscious and then let it develop in her mind while he merely stood back and watched. Controlling her from behind the scenes and he doesn't even think that what he did was wrong.

"You're angry, I get that."

She closes his eyes to his words.

"You're angry and I should have… woken you up. I guess. But I didn't do anything and now you're just being theatrical and it's kind of ridiculous."

Rey can't find her breath. Shocked at how callous his words sound and he doesn't even seem to be sorry.

No, rather, he seems _confused_. Right. Because she's being the irrational one.

When she glares over her shoulder at him, he still looks every bit as clueless as he did before. Except now his expression is blended with an anxious frown as he watches her struggle to form a sentence. Nothing. There's nothing she can-

He reaches out again, rubbing along her arm soothingly. Trying to calm her and he must be able to sense her rapidly escalating emotional state.

"Rey?" He's as cautious as you would to the approach of a stray dog. "Are you alright?"

No. She feels lightheaded. Her voice a high and tight squeak when she finally forces it out.

"You _violated_ me, Kylo! How could you do that?"

He stares at her then. Open-mouthed but silent. He really _doesn't get it._

"I'm sorry?"

His thumb rubs her bicep and she feels tears begin to well up. At that he steps closer, bringing his torso more directly in front of her like he's about to hug her.

"Oh. You're upset. Don't be upset."

The _there there_ isn't spoken, but it's implied. He's trying to calm the irrational, crazy woman before she becomes even more hysterical.

Rey shoves him away roughly, pushing hard at his chest. He sort of moves but she knows its only because he's letting her move him. And that makes her angry on top of being hurt.

"You can't-" struggles to find the words. Struggles to even breathe. "You can't just _force me_ to do things for your own… whatever. Amusement. Kicks."

She stops short of using the word 'pleasure'. Since it had been a pretty one-sided finish at the end and he was still left in a state.

He frowns. Shakes his head slowly and reaches for her again. Stops short at the sharp and no doubt red-rimmed glare she gives him.

"Why are you crying?"

He's itching to wipe off the tear that leaks down her cheek. She can see his eyes track its downward movement before returning to stare into her own. He's just so goddamn tall and thick-skulled, it's killing her.

"Kylo..." she whines. Stop being you. Please… become somebody else and everything will be better.

She wants to lash out him so much. She wants him to shut up and stop being himself. And she also just plain wants him. So where does that leave her?

Desperate.

Desperate and clueless of how to express herself. Where can she even begin with talking to someone who is so…

"Are you missing a personality chip or something, Kylo? I'm _upset_. At you. That's what's why I'm crying. Isn't that fucking obvious or are you so oblivious to anything but what you want all the time?"

The words tumble out all at once. She doesn't mean them to sound so cruel and direct, but once she gets started she finds that she can't stop herself.

"How many times have I told you 'no', Kylo? How many times? No, get away from me. No, you can't stay. No, I'm not your… doll or whatever. I'm not something you can just force yourself on and it's going to be okay."

Kylo had stared pleadingly for a while, but his expression grows darker the longer he listens to her berate him. When she finally comes to stop, she crosses her arms tightly across her chest. Has to force herself not to pout or stomp her foot.

She's still crying in ugly, messy, hiccuping sort of sobs. Meanly she wonders if Kylo's happy about _that_ as well.

He doesn't look happy. He's glowering at her with his fists shoved in his pockets and its odd to think that only a few days ago his nearly palpable anger would have been quite frightening to her. Maybe she's grown too complacent with him.

"You can be a real bitch sometimes, you know that?"

She blinks, glaring up at him with an uncontrollable degree of shock.

"How _dare-_ "

"No, I mean it. You're going to stand there and try to act all high and mighty and attack me when you've got absolutely no reason to and-"

"I've got _plenty_ of reasons, Kylo."

"Shut up," he orders. Waves her off with a flick of his hand, her jaw immediately snapping shut.

"First off," he starts counting off his list of complaints with her on his fingers and Rey could hardly be more offended than at that moment. "First off, you have a dream that's not only about me, but you have the nerve to drag me into it and then blame me because you've apparently got a libido like a bunny in heat. And then, _and then_ , you practically jump me in our tent and get me... well..." he makes an awkward gesture at the lower half of his body. Luckily it's too dark for her to see anything and for that she's highly grateful.

"Kylo..." she tries to interrupt but he ignores her to continue his rant.

"And then, after you do all 'that', you throw a hissy fit and accuse me-"

She slaps him. She's slapped him before, but this time she really means it. Slaps him so hard her hand stings and he immediately shuts up and she immediately regrets it.

For a millisecond he looks shocked. Then suddenly so very angry that she cringes. Oh yes, _that's_ why she should be afraid of him. Because he's a psychopathic stranger who's dragged her out into the middle of the desert where she has no one to call for help.

" _THAT'S_ what you really think of me?!"

"Get out of my head!" she shrikes, backstepping rapidly and swiping at her damp cheeks with the back of her hand.

Kylo glares at her and a stabbing pressure enters her mind of an instant before he abruptly turns around and stomps away from her. He walks right past their tent and Rey feels her heart jump in her throat.

"Kylo! Where are you going?" she calls out. If only… life had a rewind button. And she doesn't want him to go, even if she can barely stand to look at him right now.

"Where do you think I'm going?" he shouts back at her, throwing his arms wide apart in a clear gesture of _I don't care_. "I'm going to finish what _you_ started and this time, no, you're not allowed to watch me!"

And with that gentlemanly pronouncement, he disappears into the shadows of the desert beyond.

* * *

Rey has to fight to keep herself from crying. Burying all her emotions so much feels just like swallowing down a bag of cottonballs.

Instead, she curls her arms herself and shuffles her bare feet in a circle as she paces. Another quick glance at her phone and the one bar of reception flickering in for just long enough to her to register its existence before its gone again. Taunting her and just adding to her suffering at the moment.

Whatever. That was probably a dead end. And she's got enough to think about right now without having to worry about the other man who's stalking her stalker.

Apparently the honeymoon period between her and Kylo is officially over. Why did she have to open her mouth? Why did _he_ have to do that to her? She wants him so much, it was unnecessary. If he… he could have just asked and she would have said yes. That's the scariest part of all of this. One question and she would have given him anything that he wanted.

So could she have handled that situation better? Obviously yes, but she would have had to be someone else. Kylo would have had to have been someone else. Instead, she had acted without thinking. Spoken from her heart but not the nice part of her heart. Her words had come from some place of inner darkness that was long buried and she didn't even know she had until she had met him.

He'd brought her darkside out of her. Had that been his intention all along?

If so, then it had backfired spectacularly in both their faces. Because, along with it, she had reverted back to the emotional maturity of a young teenager. At best. Catty and bitchy and childish.

And Kylo? Kylo wasn't any better either. Because, at least judging by her best guess at interpreting his final words, now he's decided to get back at her. And he's doing it by stomping off to angrily masturbate and deny her the gift of watching him do so.

She has to shake her head at the sad state her life has become. At herself for allowing herself to even get into such a paranormal situation.

Where did she go wrong? Where did she fuck her life up so epically that such a bizarre threat actually does kind of bother her?

Rey takes a deep breath. How much of tonight could have been prevented if she'd _just breathed_ and thought before acting? Her head hurts and she's tired, cranky, and still horny.

What a night, right?

She doesn't know what time it is, but its probably somewhere in the very early pre-dawn hour. No point in going back to bed now. And which bed would it even be? Neither the tent or car had worked out, and the only place left is the great outdoors.

Rey sits on the blanket they'd left out earlier. Listens to the wind through the high prairie and waits for Kylo to come back. She's done with talking to him. That doesn't work for them either. But she does kind of hope that he'll be more relaxed and less of an ass when he gets back after… taking care of himself.

But once again, for the second time in a row, Kylo doesn't come back for too long. Even when the sky starts to lose its stars and she has to wrap herself in the sandy edges of the blanket instead of his arms like she'd wanted to.

Last time it made her worried. Now she's annoyed and suspicious.

What the fuck are you up to, Kylo?

There's nothing out here. Nothing and no one. If he was only blowing off steam then he could fucking well do it sometime when they hadn't just had a big fight and she needed him.

No. She doesn't need shit from him except answers. And if he won't give those to her, she'll have to find a way to take them on her own.

She reaches out to him then, with her mind. It's become so easy now. She can immediately sense his existence but… nothing more. Exactly like she's hit a solid wall and he's not letting her see behind it.

He's _blocked_ her. The kriffing asshole has _blocked her_. After making such a snit about how 'that's the last thing he'll ever show her' or whatever that bullshit was, now he's gone and blocked her just to be petty.

Okay, so maturity has been thoroughly thrown out the window tonight. Now there's no reason for her not to continue the trend.

Rey sits up then, hesitant to make the next step even if, logically, it's the only real option Kylo's left her with. But, yeah, it's now or never. She needs to call Hux. Hear what he has to say and see if he can give her any of the answers she absolutely has to know before she can take these next steps with Kylo.

It scares her how close they've become in such a short amount of time. How much closer they almost became tonight. She needs to step back and fully reconsider the situation. Get a fresh perspective, even if it's the wrong one.

Now _that_ part makes her sound mature. Finally. Being careful and making an adult and informed decision on whether or not she should become intimate with Kylo. That's the correct way to go about it. Nevermind that she was fully ready to gives his bones a ride in their tent just an hour ago or how even thinking the words 'become intimate' make her blush like a preteen.

She checks her phone and it has one bar. That flickers out. Then comes back again.

Is this a sign? A symbol from the universe that she needs to drive off and find some place with a signal so she can make that damn call she's dreading so much? Kylo will be _furious_ when he sees her pull away, but it'll serve him right. And it's not like she's going to be away for long. An hour tops, and then she'll deal with the fallout of whatever she finds out when she comes to it.

* * *

Fate is a funny, fickle thing.

Rey had been about to go. About to get into her car a drive down the mountain until she finds a place where she can call Hux and demand her answers.

She'd been hesitant to do it though. An odd and unsettled feeling gripping her at the thought of leaving, even if it would only be so briefly. The nervous sensation in her head had only increased as time went on and Kylo had kept far away. It had made her pace nonstop, going back and forth along both their campsite and the different routes of what to do in her mind.

That was when she'd heard it.

The sound had stared as a distant hum that hadn't even pierced through her senses as anything worth registering. A little louder and she'd absently thought it was the noise from an aircraft or something else similarly inconsequential.

And she'd been so wrapped up in her own little world of painful thoughts that she hadn't realized that someone was coming until the twin headlights peaked around the corner of the winding dirt road they were alongside.

That had happened before, with the park ranger when they'd been camping by the river. But this time something feels very different. Something feels very _unbalanced_. Every part of her mind suddenly on edge and she realizes that she's being warned and should listen.

Run away, Rey, run away.

Where? There's nowhere to go. She can hardly just run off into the desert, and… there's no Kylo. If there was a Kylo with her, somehow this would all work itself out. She would be safe.

The lights come closer. Close enough to reflect off all the metal and glass surfaces of her car.

 _Kylo!_

She tries to reach him. Call him back to her because now she _really_ needs him.

Nothing. Silence. He's nowhere or still blocking her.

The other vehicle begins to slow down as it approaches their pulloff. Rey cowers in an angle of the front where she won't be immediately seen.

Should she drive off and run? She can't do that without him. Or it may be nothing. But she knows it's not nothing. Her pulse is racing, her hands are clammy, and there's _something_ pulling at the back of her mind. Impulse and instinct and a total lack of insight as to what is about to happen.

The vehicle stops. The lights stay on. Rey cringes in the shadows, about to be discovered at any moment.

 _Kylo!_ She tries again, pushing her mind towards his as hard as she knows how. For a second, nothing, then a soft shivering sensation as he allows the connection.

 _There's someone here!_ She tells him, pushing through her desperation since she can't control her inner voice.

Silence for a moment. Then the sound of a door opening and feet crunching on sand and gravel.

 _I know_. _Hold on, I'm coming._

She can feel that he's far away. Too far. And now she has no time left, so there's only one thing left that she can do.

Here goes nothing, right?

Rey steps out of her hiding spot and into the two beams of light.

* * *

Author's Note:

Ah, tough chapter to write. Neither Kylo or Rey are behaving very well, and they're both too stubborn and frankly naive to be able to handle their growing relationship maturely. And whole lot of things going on behind the scenes that I (hopefully) hinted at, though most of them Rey's either not aware of or in deep denial about.

And fun fact: I actually thought this series would only be 7 chapters long when I first started it, lol. Maybe we're around the halfway point now? But I'm pretty sure I said that before quite a few chapters ago. So I dunno. This chapter marks a change in direction, though. Both literally and figuratively.


	16. Ghosts Getting In the Way

Summary:

Where Rey realizes that every choice has its own consequence.

Author's Note:

One of the most M-rated chapters that will be in this fic, so be warned. Graphic violence and the implied threat of much worse. Nothing too extreme, in my mind at least, but proceed at your own caution.

* * *

One moment, Rey had been struggling to find her nerve, and the next moment she found herself slammed against the hood of the stranger's truck with her hands pinned behind her back.

It all happened so fast.

That's the thing that everyone always seems to say during moments like this, isn't it? That it all happened so fast. Whenever a shock or tragedy occurs, it happens in the blink of an eye and there's never enough time to react and save yourself.

And unfortunately for Rey, it's true. All of it.

A policeman had stepped out of the unmarked vehicle. Rey had been so oddly nervous when she first saw the lights on the horizon. Scared without understanding it. And now she knew why.

Her fear had briefly been eclipsed by a sudden burst of anger. She still has rights. She hasn't done anything wrong. Not that she knows of, at least. And what is this all about? Why would he harass a lone woman in the middle of the night and why would he even-

All at once and without saying a single word, the man had grabbed her by her arms and hauled her off her feet. Threw her against the hood of the black pickup truck, practically body slamming her, and locked her in place with the sudden twisting of her wrists behind her back.

So quickly. She hadn't even had time to scream before the air was knocked out of her chest.

And he wasn't not alone. There was someone else with him.

It takes her a few seconds to process all of this. Everything that had just happened and now was about to unfold.

"You've made some very poor choices, Rey," the other intruder say. "Don't say that I didn't try to warn you."

Her head is still ringing from the impact, but she knows that voice. She would know it anywhere, for all the times it's been playing in her memories, even if she's truly only heard it twice before.

" _Hux._ "

Her own voice is scratchy from her lungs being compressed from being pressed against unyielding metal.

Rey is both surprised and not surprised that it's him. Shocked that this is the way he choose to present him. Something in her had been telling her that they would meet again very soon, but she'd misread the signals.

Hux cocks his chin to the side and watches as she weakly tries to glare at him. She can only faintly see his face in the reflections of the headlights. His posture seems confident, but also surprised.

"Oh," he says, tone clipped and precise. "So Ren has been talking, has he? He was never one for much conversation, but I'd been wondering what the two of you have been doing to pass the time."

He had never actually told her his name, had he? Rather she had plucked it herself from Kylo's subconscious when he was distracted.

And his implication is clear and uncomfortably close to the truth. She scrunches her eyes shut as the pain in her shoulders increases. Still too shocked and now outnumbered to be able to bring much in the way of resistance or self defense.

Hux regards her. She looks up at him with pleading eyes, and he shakes his head.

"Let her go," he orders the policeman after a few seconds. "But hold on to her so she doesn't try to escape."

Rey sags against the metal as the massive weight is taken off her. Then she's dragged up to her feet and the policeman holds on tightly to her wrists.

"Escape? Unless I'm under arrest, I'm free to-"

"No. You're not."

His authoritarian tone stops her mid-sentence. And Hux doesn't explain which part he's refuting. Instead, he walks around to the front of the truck where she and her attacker are having their moment together.

This is the first time that she's been able to really have a good look at him. Rey didn't think that he'd seemed especially frightening before, when he'd ambushed her at that cheap hotel room. She'd thought he was intimidating back then, but it was nothing that could inspire the rising panic that she's trying to hold back now. If he wanted to get her attention or make a grand entrance, he succeeded.

He remains perfectly calm as she squirms under the policeman's iron hold.

"Where is he?" he finally asks.

It's the question that's been in the back of her mind this whole short time. Still no Kylo. Where in kriffsake is he? She almost reaches out with her mind to try and locate him or warn him, but then she stops herself. Would these men know what she's doing?

"I don't know."

Hux's face hardens. He'd clearly been expecting her to say that, but the fact that she's telling the truth doesn't seem to matter to him.

"Rey."

He steps closer. He'd called her by her name before, and somehow he always seems to be one step ahead of her. The hand on her arm tightens when her muscles instinctively tense to flee.

"Rey," Hux continues. "I shouldn't have to say this, but there's two ways this conversation can go. One of them will be much easier for everyone concerned."

Her throat starts to close up. It's such an awful feeling to be so helpless like this.

She presses her lips together into a tight line. It's getting hard to breathe, but she absolutely refuses to cry in front of them.

Hux makes a brief, flicking gesture with one of his hands. Not at her, but behind her. The policeman shoves her back against the side of the truck again, not as hard this time but still enough to knock the wind out of her again. Then he begins to roughly search her, giving her a firm pat down until he finds her cellphone and pulls it out of her back pocket.

He tosses it through the air to Hux. He catches it, clicking it on and effortlessly typing in her passcode. A chilling realization hits Rey: that's how he knew where she was. How he could find her out here in the middle of the desert in the middle of the night. He must have hacked her phone and been tracking her. Tracking _them_. And then every time she'd checked for a signal to call him she'd been unwittingly leading him closer.

"Give me that back."

She tries to sound stronger than she feels. Neither men pay her a flicker of attention. Hux simply adjusts the angle of his hand so all she can see is the glow from the screen illuminating his face. The policeman steps back, easing up on her but still holding her fixed in place.

How could she be so stupid? It was so obvious in hindsight. She knew that he'd been searching for them, and she'd wanted to talk to him, but she never could have imagined their next meeting would go like this.

"Why are you following us?" she asks. Watching helplessly as he searches for who knows what on the screen.

He doesn't answer, but when she cranes her neck she can see him flipping through her call history. All the recent calls she's made were to him, and most before that most were to Finn and Poe.

She can't remember if she has anything incriminating on there. Probably. In the very least there's a wealth of her personal data on there which gods know what he could do with if he wanted to. Supposing he doesn't already know everything about her.

The first tracks of tears streak across her cheeks. She'd been holding them in for so long that now there's no stopping them any longer, but at least she can try to be silent about it.

Next are her pictures. Hux continues to flip through her phone in silence, and his only sign of a reaction is his growing expression of icy ridicule. Everything is there. All of her photos from the very beginning. All of the ones she took with her and Kylo together.

They first time she and Hux had met, she'd claimed not to know Kylo. Claimed she'd never even seen him. Then the second time, he'd sent a man dressed as a policeman to stalk and scare her. It had worked. If the man holding her down now is another of his… whatever, she doesn't know what to call them. Agents perhaps. But regardless if he is, it truly doesn't matter right now. She needs to find a way to get out of here or diffuse the situation before it gets any worse.

Hux taps on one of her favorite pictures. It was taken during a quiet, pleasant morning where she'd stuck a hidden snapshot of Kylo as he was smiling from ear to ear. This had been either their third or fourth morning together and she'd said something funny to break him out of his permanent moody scowl and lighten the mood between them.

It was an earlier, happier time that seems so far away now.

"Sometimes I wonder if this isn't a cry for help," Hux comments dryly, shaking his head and swiping to the next picture.

"Give me that back," she says again, sounding far more strained than she wishes she did.

And again he ignores her. Pausing on a selfie that she and Kylo had taken together at the Ghost Town. It was full of beaming smiles from her and an awkward, lop-sided grin from Kylo. He'd had to scoot down to make their differences in heights work. That probably was the happiest day they'd ever had together.

"Oh that's enough!" she whines as he double taps on the next image to zoom in on something about her car. "You don't have the right to look at those!"

She tries to wrestle her arms free from the policeman's iron grip but her holds her tight. Hux raises an eyebrow at her outburst.

"Do you need me to have him handcuff you too, or are you going to behave?"

It's not an empty threat and she reluctantly grows still. He gives her such a glare of such pure contempt that she instinctively tries to stand a little straighter and taller.

"Do you have any idea how stupid you've been? Truly?"

Rey swallows, completely at a loss of anything she can say or do now to make this situation change direction.

"You don't know me," she tells him. "You know nothing about me."

He raises his eyebrows. Looks her up and down slowly before turning away and starting to pace.

"Obviously I could argue that statement, couldn't I? Ren has been following you for months. We know all about your life back 'home', and the ugly mess your life has become over here."

Rey pauses in her attempts to wriggle free. What he's saying means that-

We also," Hux interrupts, "know all about your 'legal issues'. And you should be thanking me for not following through with them."

He turns and walks over to her car. Throws open the passenger door and immediately reaches under to where she keeps her passport hidden. How could he possibly know about that spot?

"You and Kylo..." her voice tries to fade but she fights through it, "you and Kylo are working together, then?"

Hux frowns. Or maybe he had never stopped frowning and this time just deepened it. It must be an expression he does quite often.

"Not exactly."

Rey is so utterly tired of vague answers. All she wants is for everything to finally all be out in the open. Painful truths she thinks she can handle, but all these half explanations are killing her.

She tries again, changing strategies.

"You know that Kylo's been following me. But how do you know that? You must talk to him, right? Somehow you've been keeping up with where we've been, but I'd like to know _why_."

Rey thinks of all the times Kylo has disappeared at night. Or when she would go off herself only to come back and he would be nowhere to be found. It's possible that he was… no, it's _not_ possible. There's no way he could have been calling him or communicating with him without her knowing about it.

Hux tucks her passport back into his coat pocket.

"Ren shares his confidences with _someone else_ , or did he leave that part his story out for your sake?"

It's an odd thing to say. Both the words he uses to phrase it and the strange intonation. All Rey can do is guess at his true meaning.

"You mean Snoke? His… therapist?"

His laugh has an edge to it. "Therapist? Is that what he calls it? Good gods, he always was a lunatic, but no self respecting doctor would come within a hundred miles of him after what he did."

Rey glances back over her shoulder at the policeman who's still restraining her. He looks a combination of bored and irritated.

She turns her attention back to Hux. His impassive face gives her nothing but dry antipathy.

"You mean his father? Is that it? That's what he did?"

It's subtle, but Hux's chin picks up slightly. Even in the broken lighting of the headlights she can pick out the nuanced change in his expression. It seems like he's all of a sudden very interested in what she had said.

"His father?" he asks coldly. "What exactly did he say about that?"

' _That_ ' not ' _him_ '. Another thing Rey will have to ponder later when she gets out of this mess of a situation.

Hux frowns and takes a step forward, closer to her, when she doesn't immediately respond. The man behind her tightens his grip like he expects her to attack or run. Part of her wants to do both.

"He didn't say much at all. Only that his father had died recently and..." and he had told her not to talk about it. He'd told her to tell anyone who asks that she doesn't know anything about it at all.

Rey falls silent. Squirming and twisting her wrists to try and get enough slack to break free and run.

"What is it?" He eyes her suspiciously. Clearly her face must have given something away. "What is it you're not saying?"

This is enough. As scared as she is right now, Rey is done being interrogated. They just _assaulted_ her, for kriffsake!

"No, I'm not telling you anything. Not like this. Let me go an apologize, and then maybe we'll talk."

Her voice is more timid and thin than she'd prefer, and her eyes are shining with both shed and unshed tears. But if this man standing in front of her had truly wanted a conversation, he's done everything he possibly could to make them enemies first.

"Oh? Is that how it is, then? And here I thought you were going to be cooperative."

"Cooperate? With you? After all of this?"

He can't be serious. Maybe this is all a smokeshow. He's huffed and puffed and had her thrown around, but Rey's pretty sure he's got no real authority to do anything to her. Or to Kylo.

And damnit, where the hell is Kylo? It's only been a few minutes, but it's been a _horrible_ few minutes.

If he were here, would he make it better or worse? Rey wishes so badly that she could count on him, but who knows how he would react right now?

Hux straightens and squares his shoulders. Pulling out her phone again from his pocket and scrolling rapidly through the many photos she has on it.

He zooms on one of Kylo sleeping. She'd taken it only a few nights before when she'd woken up and thought that his profile was just too pretty not to be commemorated with a picture.

"Explain yourself."

Rey can feel her face heat up. Knows that the policeman behind her is craning his neck to stare at the screen over her shoulder. Even if her face isn't shown in the picture, it's clear that she and Kylo are sharing a bed together. Cuddled up tight with her head resting against her shoulder and a mischievous smile on her face.

"That's none of your business."

He raises his eyebrows, purses his lips, and nods thoughtfully.

"What an interesting life you're created for yourselves," he says as he starts to pace. "You've barely met, certainly don't really know each other, and now there you are. I'm almost impressed by Ren. Or maybe you're simply that stupid. Do you know that most people would say that's very risky behavior you're taking part in?"

He doesn't have to try hard to sound condescending, it practically oozes out of every syllable of his tightly clipped accusation.

"What do you want from me?"

That's the core of the issue right now. Rey has given up on getting any answers from him, but obviously he didn't come all the way out here for nothing.

Hux stops to click her phone off. The too-intimate image on it mercifully disappears.

"I _had_ thought you might be useful to me. That you might be a smart enough girl to know when to be reasonable. So I'm going to make you an offer, just the once, and you're going to accept it and be grateful. I'm helping you help yourself."

This is all a complete turnaround from the last time she talked to him. Then, over the phone, he'd acted concerned for her safety and had tried to drive a wedge of doubt into her mind. Now he has someone holding her down while he makes thinly veiled threats.

"I'm listening," she says after a long and increasingly tense stretch of silence.

She watches as he twirls her phone between his fingers and sticks it back into his coat pocket. He's not going to give it back to her, she realizes. That must mean something.

"You will bring Ren here. I don't know where he is, but if he's become so _attached_ to you he can't be far. Use your 'ways', if you must."

He makes an airy circular gesture at her body. Rey shifts, feeling highly uncomfortable, and the policeman behind her clears his throat in warning.

"And then what?" she asks. "What are you going to do to him?"

"That's none of your business." He says it in a sing-song way, mocking her with her own words.

She doesn't have to think about his offer. If he'd wanted to negotiate, he ruined that chance the moment he'd ordered his goon to attack her out of the blue.

"No."

She says it with finality. He raises an eyebrow. Looks from her to the policeman behind her than back to her.

"Don't be stupid, Rey. Do as you're told."

"What about me? If I do this, what happens to me? You're going to let me go, just like that?"

She's not officially under arrest, but it feels like she is. Like her liberty is very much in danger right now.

Hux takes a second too long to reply.

"Of course. Bring him here and you're free to leave."

He's lying. Absolutely he's lying and it's so obvious but Rey knows for sure. A deep-seated instinct laying in her gut and she'd better start listening to her intuition because it was trying to warn her earlier, too.

"What about his mother?" Rey asks, hoping to get at least _something_ out of him.

Kylo had always acted weird on the very brief and rare occasions he mentioned his mother. Whatever it is, there is definitely more going on there than he's let on to.

"Organa? What about her?"

For the first time this whole time, Hux seems a tiny bit uncomfortable. Rey knows that she's latched onto something important.

"Kylo spoke about her often," she lies, "and you said that his family had hired you to find his father, so… you must know her very well."

It's a leap and a guess, but something in her is telling her that she's getting it right. It's in the way that Hux's eyes narrow and his lips tighten into a grim line.

"Of course I know her. Do you think I would be out here right now if I didn't?"

"So she-"

"Shut up."

He snaps the words at her and for a second Rey can see behind his carefully projected wall of cold indifference. He's very angry at her but… also there's an odd sense of regret. There's something on his mind that he's not completely happy with.

So she shuts up.

Hux clears his throat, finding himself, and pulls a pack of cigarettes out from his pocket. Lights one and takes his time getting back to her.

"It's a very personal matter you're touching on. Whatever Ren told you about his family and mine is distorted by his deranged imagination and permanent denial. But that shouldn't matter to you at all right now."

He stops it at that. Rey wants him to keep going. Scrambles to think of ways to make him keep going.

"You said that she was looking for him? For Kylo? What did you mean by that?"

Hux frowns. Ry gets the impression that he had forgotten he'd said that, or had badly misspoken. Instead of answering, though, he glances at the man behind her..

"He's not coming," he says.

His words have a sense of finality to them.

"It's time?"

Those are the first words that the policeman has spoken throughout this whole encounter. The hands tighten even more when Hux nods in response.

"Time?" she asks, feeling her pulse begin to race again. "Time for what?"

Hux sighs deeply. Then he takes a long drag on his cigarette and fidgets with the metal lighter in his hand. Rey gets the sinking impression that he's delaying doing something.

"What is it?" she demands. "What are you thinking about?"

He looks up then, and for a second Rey can see a flicker of some emotion distantly related to regret pass his face. It changes in a instant, though. His whole face tightens and turns darker as he regards her.

Then a moment of unspoken significance passes from him to the policeman holding her arms behind her back. She can feel the man's grip on her tighten as he starts to pull her into movement.

Oh.

"No," she says, digging her heels in. "No, you're not… you _can't_ -"

Hux waves her protest away with a flick of his wrist. Gestures towards her car.

"Get rid of her. You know how to make it look."

Rey's heart skips two beats as the truth hits her hard.

Then it catches up and starts to pound in her chest, sending adrenaline racing through her.. She feels suspended in time, left with nothing but staring numbly at the redheaded man in front of her. He doesn't even have the decency to meet her eyes.

Then the hands on her arms pull her back. Trying to tug her towards her car, and she knows its now or never.

No point in shouting, she focuses all her energy on throwing an elbow behind her blindly, clenching her stomach to strengthen the impact. If she can just get loose she may be faster than they are.

Her blow collides with firm flesh and flexing bones. The policeman gives a grunt and stumbles. Then she leaps forward, wrenching herself free from his grasp.

Rey only gets free for a second. Maybe she's faster, but the policeman has a longer ranger and is much, much stronger than she is.

She shrieks when he grabs her again, yanking back harshly on her wrist and sending her flying face-first into the ground.

A scoff of distaste comes from above her but she cant afford to pay it a second thought. The instant she gets to her feet, her legs get kicked out from under her. The policeman straddles her, yanking her arms behind her back and pressing a heavy boot to the center of her shoulder blades.

"Have a little dignity," the cold voice of the other man scolds her.

Rey grits her teeth as the weight on her increases, making her ribs shift and protest. Then she starts to cough from a lungful of dirt and dust and could be bothered to try and answer. Her arms are becoming numb which make it impossible to resist as they're dragged back and the biting metal of handcuffs is fashioned around her wrists.

"Up," the policeman orders, growling it into her ear.

 _God fucking damnit, Kylo where are you?_

From the corner of her vision, she sees Hux step further back. Two giant hands reach under her, hauling her to standing.

 _What a mess._

It's not her thought, but Hux's. She can hear it as a flash. A pop of sound in her head that quickly gets drowned out by her own terror and the growing rage of the man she's struggling with.

He wants her to get into her car. He's going to take her somewhere. It's somewhere close. And he's getting very pissed off that she's not making it easier.

That's reason enough for Rey to fight him every step of the way.

She kicks and bites, bucking and trying to hurt every part of his body that she can reach. He curses at her, then spins her around and slaps her hard enough that she can taste blood.

Displeasure from Hux. His aversion to the violence he ordered distracts her. A sudden kick in her stomach makes her double over. Then she's dragged her across the ground by her shoulder while she screams until her lungs are raw and full of dirt.

The policeman has a bloody nose and has given up trying to make this pretty. Rey doesn't remember getting a hit in, there are just too many voices in her head all at once.

Hux scolded her at first, but by the savage and horrible ending he'd ordered he's looked away. Her last view of him was him angrily pacing while typing something in to his phone. Or maybe it was her phone, but that doesn't matter anymore either.

Rey gets picked up like she weighs nothing and is half thrown, half shoved her in to the backseat of her SUV. Her face gets smashed against the hard armrest of the opposite door and she curls in around herself when the door is slammed shut behind her.

She screams then. Screams for Kylo or anyone anywhere. The metal of the handcuffs bites down into her skin as she tries to wrench her arms free.

"Shut up!" the policeman growls, glancing at her only once before climbing into the driver's seat.

She barely hears him and cares even less. But when she starts to cough up a mix of silt and blood from where her lip had split when he'd hit her, she forces herself to try and calm down.

The engine turns on. Rey wriggles away from the far door, trying to crane her neck up and see what's happening.

Kylo heard her. He _had_ to. It can't all be in her head. But now she's being taken somewhere else to be-

She has to get herself out of this. No one else can save her now.

The SUV starts to move. He's driving fast and seems to have a specific location in mind. Hux clearly had a plan, which means that he'd never intended to let her go no matter what she told him.

"You've done this before, haven't you?"

It comes out as a broken croak, but she knows that the man heard her because his shoulders bunch up and he glares at her reflection in the rearview mirror.

"Be quiet. I'm not going to tell you again."

Part of Rey wants to beg and plead with him not to kill her, but some other part knows that it's an empty waste of effort. That sort of change of heart only works in the movies and this is very real and she has very little time left.

She needs a plan, but it's so hard to think.

The road texture starts to get bumpier. They're on a dirt stretch now, and it's only getting worse.

No matter how much it hurts, she manages to wriggle one shoulder underneath her battered and bruised body and she can start to slowly shimmy up to half-sitting. She keeps her head low so the policeman hopefully doesn't know what she'd doing.

And what is she doing?

The backseat is full of her belongings, but even if she could get her hands on a weapon or something, her arms are still handcuffed behind her back. Maybe if she could get the door open she could roll out and try to make a run for it.

She probably wouldn't make it, but there's no other choice. The SUV starts to go over a particularly rough stretch and she masks kicking off one of her shoes in the way she's tossed and thrown about.

The cop half turns, glaring at her but he can't see what she's doing in the dark. Then he looks away and focuses back on the road. In the headlights she can see a small brown sign that says 'NF785'. She'd seen that sign earlier in the day, it wasn't that far away from their camp.

 _Kylo_.

She can feel him, finally. Or maybe she's truly gone crazy. But she can sense him again. Whatever happened to him, he's now back at their camp but he's all alone. Hux is gone and now he's searching for her and losing his mind.

He's calling out to her, but she can't tell him where she is. _Somewhere close_. That's all she can give him.

Every time she catches the door lock with her toes, they go over another pothole. The road has gotten worse and she's pretty sure it's not a road at all anymore. Which means they're nearly there to whatever remote place in the wilderness Hux had decided upon.

Another major bump and she gets tossed to the far side of the car, out of range of one door but closer to another.

The SUV starts to slow down. From the tiny view she has, she can see a solid wall of trees that they're heading towards. End of the line. Now or never.

Rey twists, not caring or even really feeling how much it hurts her wounded shoulder. She catches the tip of the door lock between her teeth and pulls it upward. Another bump and her chin slams against the edge of the frame but she can't stop from crying out.

The man doesn't turn around. Probably figures that she's just fussing and since they're almost _there…_

Awkwardly, she wraps her lips around the loop of the door handle. Tries to open it with her jaw. Fails. Tries again.

And the door pops open. A warning light appears on the center console and the cop stares at it for a second. That second is all that she needs.

She throws her whole body weight at it. Given her lack of leverage, it's more of an ungainly body flop than a throw, but the door flies open and she tumbles head over heels out of the still moving car. Lands face first and stunned as stars explode behind her eyes from the impact.

 _Get up. Run._

Rey doesn't know if that's Kylo in her mind, or her own will to live becoming a guiding angel. The brake lights of her car glare into her peripheral vision as the SUV screeches to a stop.

She tries to get back up onto her feet, but without her arms free it's nearly impossible. And she's still stunned and reeling from the tumble so she barely hears the sound of a door banging shut.

The noise permeates the dazed fog in her mind. Tells her that she can be hurt later, there's no time for that now. She manges to get one knee under her before a hand sinks into her hair and yanks her back.

"Let go of me!" she shrieks. Kicking and trashing in sheer blind terror as she gets dragged up.

The cop doesn't respond to her. Manages to spin around and slam her head against his face again but he kicks her legs out from under her. Kicks her in the ribs twice dragging her across the ground.

In that moment she realizes that the headlights are illuminating something. A wrecked car. _Her_ old car. The old piece of shit beater that Kylo had traded in Alamogordo. It's sitting there at the edge of this scrub field. Burnt out and destroyed, but Rey would know her old home anywhere.

She screams again. A wordless animalistic howl and the cop curses as she becomes a dead weight in his arms.

"Fuck it!"

He drops her. Kicks her again and she tries to flop over onto her back. Stops immediately when she feels the cold metal of his gun press against the back of her skull.

"You try that one more fucking time and I'm going to shoot you right here, you understand?"

His words are garbled. Forced out of swollen lips from where she'd hit him and thank the fucking gods that she got one last good blow on him in.

"Now get on your feet and walk forward. Go to that car."

He's going to shoot her anyhow, but for some reason he doesn't want to do it-

Oh. The blood splatter. Hux had said something about 'making it look right'. Apparently it's important that she dies in her old car.

He really did plan this out, didn't he?

She stares at the burn out frame numbly, ignoring the hands on her that jerk her up to her knees. They'd set the whole thing up. Hux had always planned on killing her, he'd just wanted to use her first. It doesn't matter for what. He must have planned this whole thing from the beginning.

The gun cocks behind her. Pushes against the base of her skull and nudges her forward.

With effort, she gets back to her feet. Stale and fresh adrenaline making her legs wobbly and threaten to give out under her.

" _Move."_

She takes a limping step. It hurts and she needs a plan. There is no plan. There is nothing that-

Wait.

There is something. _Something_ in the back of her mind.

She mid-step, causing the cop to bump into her.

"I told you to-"

"Let go of me."

Back then, by the river. When she'd met the forest ranger who said someone had reported them.

A rough hand shoves at her shoulder, nearly knocking her off balance and she stumbles for a few steps before catching herself.

"Don't make me drag you there. You're just making this harder on yourself."

She doesn't hear him. But she can _sense_ him. His thoughts, angry and full of violence, are echoing through her head.

It worked back then. The thing that Kylo showed her how to do. So why can't it work now?

Rey turns to look at him. He glares and raises his arm up to strike her. Presumably knock her down and make good on his threat. It makes her feel oddly calm.

She closes her eyes.

"Open my handcuffs and let me go."

He'd been paid to follow them. She can see it now. This man was the one that his partner had tried to call in when they'd been ambushed at the rest area.

It's a connection. Not much of one, but enough for her to start to hope and try to deepen it.

"Open my handcuffs and let me go," she tries again.

The blow never comes. She doesn't open her eyes.

His mind, his simple unknowing mind, lets her reach way back. All those days ago, back to Truce or Consequences. He, this policeman, had been paid off by Hux to find them. That had been one of many meetings, and Hux had been testing him. Seeing how far and what he was willing to do.

Rey opens her eyes. The man seems frozen in place. He's blinking, though. Face still full of rage going slack as he tries to fight her influence upon him.

Perfect absolute calmness and silence. That's all Rey knows. Not how much pain she's in or how afraid she was.

"You will open my handcuffs."

One command at a time. Two is too many.

She stares at him. Stares into the vacant eyes of her would-be murderer.

His arm falls and he straightens. Robotically reaches into his pocket and pulls out his keys. Stares at them like he can't quite comprehend.

"You will throw your gun away and let me go," she orders.

Rey feels so lost but also certain.

The policeman fights her more on that one, but she yanks on the invisible threads of his mind and he stumbles. Lurching for her and she scuttles back. The gun is haphazardly flung to the side and out of the path of illumination from the headlights.

"I will let you go now."

Outwardly he seems calm. On the inside he's not. Inside he's a riot of emotions, but the tether she has on him now is too much for him to overcome.

This is very familiar, isn't it? But, with every time Kylo had done something like this to _her_ , he was also showing her what to do.

She's breathless from the concentration and the risk, but she turns around. Turns her back to him long enough for the man to reach out and fumble with her cuffs. They open with a metallic pop.

He grabs her wrist. Spins her around and she can see the war in his eyes. He knew that he was coming here to kill her. Just her, but not both of them. She can feel it as clear as if it were her own memories. Hux had planned on framing her death on Kylo. He'd talked this policeman into taking the night off so they could come up here. Had fed him a story about how he'd later say he'd been off-duty when he'd stumbled across her body.

And the man hadn't argued with any of that. All it had taken was enough money.

 _That_ thought starts to make her angry and break her concentration.

"Let me go."

No. The battle is being lost. She's losing her hold on him because it's been too long.

The policeman snarls, squeezing her wrist and bruising already bruised skin. The sharp pain makes her loose her grasp on him entirely. He suddenly howls, yanking her off her feet and throwing her down.

He takes one stomping bound towards her and she braces herself for the no doubt bone-breaking kick he intends.

It doesn't happen.

Instead, he screams.

Then sinks down stiffly onto one knee and Rey jerks when a stripe of wet heat splatters her face.

He stares blindly forward, and Rey gapes at him. She scrambles when he moves toward her, only to collapse face down in the dirt between her feet.

The back of his skull is a bloody mess and Kylo is standing behind him.

She stares dumbly. He has something in his hand that he drops.

"Rey?"

She cringes when he comes closer to her, stepping over the body of the other man.

He'd hit him in the head. Quite possibly killed him. And now he's crouching next to her and calling out her name.

He tries to reach for her arm.

"No!" she shouts, scuttling backward on her butt.

All at once the tension hits her and she starts to shake. Nearly wants to throw up. The shape of the policeman haunts the edge of her vision and it's the only thing that can make her crawl up to her knees and try to get away from it.

"Rey, please..."

Kylo's voice is hollow, or it may be the ringing in her ears. She screams when he tries to grab her again.

He stands there, hunched over and watching her as she crawls through the dirt to the edge of the path of the headlights. Then she collapses down onto her butt again and stares at him.

There's blood on his hands. Literally. It matches the stain on her shirt and she wipes at her face, staring at the red smear before turning her attention back to him.

Kylo looks from her to the body on the ground behind him.

"Are you _okay_?"

He attempts to sound very calm which in turn makes everything seem all the more unreal.

She tries to nod. Kylo takes a step closer and she lets him.

He carefully pulls her into an embrace. Holding her as delicately as if she was made of glass. She wants to tell him that she's bloody and not to get it on himself, but then she starts to cry and can't find the words.

He says something but it's muffled against the top of her head.

Rey knows that she needs to fight this. This urge to give in to a full panic. The logical part of her mind knows that, but the rest of her is far too much in shock to make any sort of decision right now.

Kylo strokes her back. Or more likely pats her down, checking for injuries.

"I'm fine," she forces herself to say.

It comes out as a stuttering croak, but she knows he hears her. Hears her but doesn't believe her because he keeps feeling her, zeroing in on all the bruises and her hurt knee and the cuts and scratches that litter her skin.

"Rey-"

" _Where the fuck were you?!_ "

She tenses in his arms, holding on to him so he can't disappear and leave her out here in this living nightmare.

He tries to pick her up and help her to her feet, but she's not ready for that. So he cradles her in his arms like a baby and nestles his head against her shoulder.

"I don't know," he answers softly. Trying to shush her and ease the tremors racking along her spine.

"You- you _don't know?_ How the fuck do you not know?! That man... he was..."

Rey's weight is lifted off the ground. Kylo picks her up and she clings to him with all her strength. Squeezing her eyes shut as he has to take a particularly wide step but opening them again when she hears the click of a door handle.

"No!" she shouts, kicking and struggling. "I don't want to go in there!"

Kylo had tried to put her in the passenger side of the SUV. He stops though, and she can feel him try to poke at her mind. Sussing out if she's truly hurt or not.

She struggles harder and he lets her down. Lets her stand and use the side of the SUV for support as she tries to pull herself back together.

"I don't know what happened," he tries again.

She blindly stares up at him through teary eyes.

"What?"

It's all she can say.

Kylo steps back, giving her some much needed breathing room. By his feet is a bloody tire iron and Rey's stomach lurches but she manages to control it.

"Why didn't you come for me?"

Sooner. She means why didn't he come for her _sooner_. Because he'd saved her at the very end, but dear gods she'd needed him before then.

"I don't know," he repeats. "I was meditating and then I saw the lights and heard you and then..."

She gives him a sidelong look. Waiting.

"And then… I don't know. I don't know what happened. I'd been way out there by those rocks and then… then the next moment I was by our tent but you weren't there. You were screaming for me in my head and were so scared. That's how I found you."

A beat passes.

"You don't know," she says finally.

"I don't know. I… blacked out. Maybe? There's a gap and… Rey, listen-"

He steps forward, palms open and trying to reach for her again. She steps back, catching a glimpse of the unmoving third party in the corner of her eye.

"Is he dead?" she asks, but she can't bring herself to look.

Kylo takes his time answering, and tears start to roll freshly down her cheeks as she waits.

"Rey… it's going to be okay."

"We need to get out of here," she tells him.

That's the one and only thing she truly wants right now. But they can't go yet.

She stares out into the darkness surrounding them.

Kylo follows her line of vision. With the headlights glaring behind them, all they can see is an endless black expanse of the wilderness.

If you have to kill someone… this is a great place to do it. No wonder Hux had waited until now to make his move.

That winds her more than she thought it would. She collapses against the door and clasps her hands over her mouth in an effort not to hyperventilate.

How? How can he lie to her like that? Nothing is ever going to be okay for her.

Kylo wants to reach out and hold her again, but the wild look of panic she gives him stops him first. He crouches near her but won't meet her eyes.

"Rey… I'll take all the blame for this, okay? We'll tell someone what happened and maybe they'll believe us and maybe not, but you're not going to get in any trouble, I promise.

She has no breath to explain. But she has to tell him what she found out.

" _Kylo_ -"

"Oh gods, Rey, don't cry. Please don't cry."

He strokes her chin and Rey wonders if he's making her look better or worse.

"We can't… no one can know about this, Kylo. We can't tell anyone."

He sighs deeply, rolling his whole back and shoulders with the move. Then stands up and offers a hand out to her. She stares at it but doesn't move.

"Rey," he tries again, "Hux may seem high and mighty, but he works with some of the lowest of the low. I can guarantee that he," Kylo gestures behind him and starts to step backwards, "that that quote "policeman" no doubt has a record longer than mine. We just… it's going to be okay."

Gods, the kriffing idiot doesn't get it, does he? He's all ready to throw himself on the sword for her sake, but that would break them apart forever.

Rey can't handle that. It's a fate too horrible to even contemplate.

"No, you don't understand, Kylo!" she pleads at him, tugging on his arm when he keeps trying to leave her. "We _have_ to get out of here, right now! _No one_ is going to help us!"

"Rey, it's-"

"GODSDAMNIT Kylo! _Listen to me!_ "

She lets go of him then to lunge up and shove at his chest. Her knee throbs from the aggressive movement, but it works: Kylo stops in his tracks and stares at her.

Something in her face must give her away because he goes from looking forlorn and miserable to actively concerned.

"Okay okay, I'm listening," he holds up two hands in surrender. "What is it? What's wrong?"

"He was-" her voice breaks and she has to force in a breath before she can start again. "He was a real police officer. We were wrong. He wasn't just some… I don't know. He's real and we can't turn ourselves in. They'll never believe us."

Kylo listens, hands dropping slowly down. She actually got through to him. Actually got him to _listen_.

He stares at her with an open-mouthed expression before turning his chin and bringing his attention back to the dead body on the ground.

"No. He's not. We were… he _can't_ be, Rey."

She can't blame him for embracing denial, but that won't change the ugliness of the truth.

"Kylo," she takes a step towards him and his winces, frowning.

She throws her memories at him and he sees it, too. Sees the same memories that she had pulled from the man. Those reflections that prove that they not only killed someone tonight, but killed someone who no one will ever believe made them do it in self defense.

"Are you sure he's dead?" she asks after a long stretch of stillness.

Rey wants him to go over there and check. She can bear the thought of having to do it herself.

Kylo looks down, breaking out of his reverie.

"I think… I don't hear him anymore."

Rey knows what he means. The policeman isn't talking or crying out in pain or even breathing. Instead, he's completely silent. The voice she'd heard is no longer there. The pressure of him along the edges of her mind has dissipated.

It's gone. All of it. Just her and Kylo and nothing else.

No options. No exit. And no one to turn to for help.

So what in the hell are they going to do now?

* * *

Author's Note:

First off: The MOST AMAZING THING EVER HAPPENED: somebody made a fanvid of this fic! This is probably definitely the nicest and most amazing thing that a stranger's ever done for me and I totally lost it when I saw it:

watch?v=brLViaZq9nA

I'm so excited and this is so amazing so thank you very very very much lullaby

for all your amazing work! Did I mention this is amazing? Because it's amazing!

But as for the update, I hope it was forgivable. Yeah, I know. It's been a long long time since I've updated and then this dark and violent chapter comes out of nowhere. Or does it? Most of the events here were foreshadowed, and I really felt like this story needed a kick in the pants since the stakes just weren't high enough before. They're in it deep now, though.

I'm calling this is official start of ACT 2 which really should have happened much earlier on, but… well, it didn't. And I still promise a happy ending and a return to Kylo and Rey frolicking around the wilderness together. But before our duo can get there, they've got a lot of hard times to go through. We can't have a dark romance without the darkness part of the equation, but now that our duo are going to be on the run they're going to need to depend on each other more than ever.


	17. Boiled Over Into Dust

Chapter summary:

When there's nothing else left, at least there's you.

* * *

Rey had insisted on helping Kylo get rid of the body.

He hadn't wanted her to. Had tried to tell her that she 'didn't need to see this.' That there was no reason for her to taint herself anymore with this nightmare; he'll happily take the fall for her and her hands will still be clean.

Bullshit. They're in this together now.

They had killed a man. Nothing would ever change that. It didn't matter that they had no choice. It didn't matter that Rey felt profound regret, but not guilt. It had happened in pure self-defense. Her hands will forever be dirty, but at least her conscience was clean.

Except no one would ever believe them. It would be their words against the dead body of a police officer's, and their word was worth less than the blood-splattered ground that would have been her grave. Rey was buried into this sit every bit as deeply as Kylo was now. Literally and figuratively, they were both covered in a dead man's blood.

"I think we need to burn it."

Rey can't refer to the body of the policeman that's lurking in her peripheral vision as a person. She has to think of him as an 'it'. He tried to _murder_ her, and do it for no reason other than something as unjustifiable as greed. He doesn't deserve to be considered a human.

They didn't kill a human being. It wasn't murder.

"Rey."

Kylo rubs her shoulders, gently trying to maneuver her back into the SUV. She doesn't want to go in there. Not when all she can think about it how, less than an hour ago, she'd been tied up in the back seat of it, scared like she had never been scared before in her life.

They need to get out of here. Rey can't stand it if they don't get out of here. They _have_ _to_.

Except they can't. They're not finished yet.

"We have an extra gas can," her voice sounds eerily calm even to her own ears. "We can… we can use that. And the fuel from our cookstove. That burns hotter than the gasoline so it should-"

It should… it should melt things. Better.

Oh.

 _Fuck._

She'll never recover from this. Never. She would have been better off dead. This is too much.

"Rey, stop. Please. Don't think things like that. You don't have to do any of this. I'll take care of everything."

He means well. But it's not what she needs to hear right now.

"You don't need to take care of me, Kylo. I can take care of myself."

No matter what.

Reverie will not help. That can come later. Now, though...

Rey pries his hands off her and looks off into the darkness. It's still a an hour or two until dawn. If they burn _it_ , maybe it will be done with before it gets light and the smoke won't attract any attention. Her old car had been burnt up, too. And no one should be searching for him this quickly. They may still have time.

It takes everything she has in her, but she forces herself to look down at the scene. There's a lot of blood on the ground. They'll need to get rid of that, too. Then this place will just look like a dumping ground for stripped vehicles. Not a site of a bloody attempted murder and a successful self-defense.

"How are you so calm?" Kylo asks, stepping in front of her and blocking her view of the morbid scene with the wide expanse of his chest.

It's a reassuring sight. One that makes Rey think of all the nights she'd spent with her head right there. Sleeping peacefully on top of her shadow.

Why isn't she happier to be alive? She should be dead. Would have been, if Kylo hadn't rescued her.

"I don't know," she answers. Can't bring herself to move or say anything else.

It must be shock. Every ounce of adrenaline in her had burned out during her fight for her life. Now all that was left is a numb sense of disbelief. This isn't her. This didn't happen. She's still whole and safe and the same as she was when she woke up this morning.

"So what do you think?" she asks.

"Rey?"

"Should we put him in the old car and burn that again? Or maybe we need to burn the SUV, too? He was bleeding from his nose and I'm sure there are fingerprints and plenty of other-"

"Fucking hell, Rey. What did he do to you?"

She looks up at him. Blinks twice and feels lightheaded.

They'll talk about this later. Or maybe never. But right now there's no time. They have to… what? Make it look like an accident? This isn't just some nobody they killed. He was a _police officer_ , for fuck's sake. People are going to be looking for him and they have to do this right.

"Do you think Hux will tell on us?"

Tell on us. What a silly, childish way to put things. But she's simultaneously feeling very clear-headed and completely out of her own body.

Maybe that's good. Maybe she just needs to separate her mind from this moment in time. Be somewhere else and simply let her hands and movements do what they have to do.

"I think you should sit down," Kylo tells her after a long minute of deliberation.

The hands come down toward her again. She slaps them away, stomps to the side and picks up the crowbar. That was the murder weapon. They've definitely got to get rid of this.

"I'm fine, Kylo."

He tries to take it from her. She realizes that she'd been staring at the red-covered end of it like she couldn't comprehend.

"Rey..." he starts to say something, and his voice trails away as she lets the crowbar fall from her hand and into the dirt. It leaves a mark. That will be another spot with DNA. She has to remember to clean that one up as well.

"We don't have time to argue, Kylo."

She pushes at his chest, trying to nudge him into action. Hoping he'll take the lead and make all the decisions so she doesn't have to.

He stares at her for a long, long few moments. She feels tears start to burn at the edges of her eyes, but she tips her head back and stares up at the stars until they dry back down.

"I don't know what Hux will do," he finally tells her. "Given… his own history, he'll probably turn us in indirectly. Make an anonymous tip off or something like that. But he probably doesn't know that his plan went south yet. That should buy us some time."

She nods, hearing but not fully understanding his words.

"So we need to get out of here by then?"

It's his turn to nod.

"We need to get out of here really soon. He may not know that this has happened yet. But I'm sure he'll figure it out quickly, and then we need to be long gone before that happens."

Rey looks down at her hands. Some of the blood on them are from the man, and some of it is her own. She's never going to be clean again.

"Rey? I don't think burning the car is a good idea."

There's bits of evidence buried under her fingernails. She could be convicted on that alone.

"Hmmm?" she mumbles with a frown. Kylo doesn't want to burn the car. Why doesn't Kylo want to burn the car?

Oh.

"You think it will be too flashy? Too obvious? In the movies, when a car blows up-"

Kylo turns, looking at the old burnt out wreck of Rey's first car. He's probably right. It's been sitting there for at least several days. The… forensics or tools or whatever the police lab uses to examine a site will know that the two burn timelines are off.

"Okay. So what should we do?" she asks, mind racing but gaining no traction. None of this feels real.

"Well..." Kylo looks at her, and Rey knows that expression. He's trying to coddle her from the truth. Too little too late for that.

"Kylo? Just tell me."

He sighs. Kicks at the ground and frowns as a large waft of dust billows up, reflecting in the headlights like fog.

"I think we should bury him. I mean, _I'll_ bury him. You have that shovel in the trunk, right? Next to the spare tire?"

She thinks that they do. But all she can do is nod and fight back the full weight of the conversation they're having. The burden of what they have done- what they _had to do._

Bury him? Not burn him? Both are horrible, horrible choices.

Bury him and his body will still be there. Be out there in existence forever. A millennium from now, someone might still find his bones and see his battered skull. They will know that this was once a man who was murdered. The 'in self defense' reason will have been the only part that faded into nothingness.

Burn him and _maybe_ his bones will be obscured. Rey has seen CSI. She's read crime dramas. But who the fuck knows how much of that is true?

Burning him will help hide the forensics. But…

What if she can _smell_ him when they do it? It's such a random, out of nowhere thought. But she can't handle it. Maybe if they had some way to properly cremate him. Fully turn him into ash and nothing more. But they don't and the thought of burning a _body_ and not having it fully-

"We'll bury him, Kylo," Rey nods frantically. "I'll help. You dig, then I'll dig. We'll take turns."

Kylo wants to hug her. She can feel the need in him. But she doesn't want to be touched right now.

He sighs. Stares at her with such naked regret in his eyes.

"I'll do it. I'll do it all."

She tries to stop him with a sharp wave of her hand, but he catches it mid-air and presses it to his forehead.

"We do this together, Kylo," she insists again. "That's how it's going to be from now on. We're in this together until the end."

Until the bitter end. They are doomed, but at least they're not alone. That would be worse.

Kylo smiles faintly, bittersweet and so far gone, and presses his forehead to her palm. All it makes Rey think of is the evidence on her hands that he's touching.

"Okay, Rey," he murmurs. "Let's do this."

* * *

Kylo had chosen a spot of deep grass between a cluster of willow scrub.

It wasn't an ideal site, but it was their best bet. Dawn had broken through by the time they had picked the spot, and Kylo had begun to dig while Rey abdicated for a moment to clean up the murder ground.

No. Not murder. She has to keep telling herself that. It wasn't murder. It _wasn't_.

While Kylo was digging _,_ Rey was cleaning. She scrubbed the inside of their SUV with shampoo since she had no bleach on hand. Logically, it would have been smarter to burn the whole car. Put it next to her other relic from another life and pretend they both had faced the same fate at the same time.

But that would have left them stranded. They needed the ability to move quickly, even if keeping her DNA-laden death mobile could bring them right to the electric chair.

Then she'd gone to work on the ground. _That_ she'd pulled a small amount of gasoline on. Lit it and felt a sense of catharsis as she watched the parched earth burn.

She'll miss a spot, guaranteed. But the goal was to make it _look_ right.

So she burnt everything she might have touched. Every place she may have kneeled or fallen or been tossed to. Every spot a fleck of blood may have landed.

But would it be enough?

Finally, when everything else that she can think of to set up the site to look like just a junkyard has been done, Rey forces herself to go over to the body. If he has a phone on him, they need to get rid of that. Should have done it earlier. Hux took _her_ phone with him, but he'd used it to track her and find her. She can't risk that happening again.

No phone. Good. He must have left it in his truck. Or maybe it fell out somewhere she can't find and they're both fucked. But the only thing he has in his pockets is his wallet. It has his police ID in it, and Rey refuses to look at it. She doesn't want to know his name. There are also some credit cards and a small amount of cash.

She takes the cash. Debates on keeping the ID because it 'may come useful somehow', but that seems too much like a sick memento. So she drops it on top of a pile of debris and burns it with gas from their extra canister.

There. That's done with. Now all that's left are the final steps.

* * *

Kylo had dug the grave, and she had helped to haul the body.

They had wrapped _it_ in a bedsheet to carry him. Kylo had chosen a spot so remote that it was very hard to get to. Perfect for it not being found; less than perfect for carrying the limp burden.

But they did it. It was a deep, deep grave. Much more so than necessary, but Kylo had gone above and beyond what Rey would have thought possible.

Maybe he had used his abilities? Maybe. But he had done it, and in the end he and Rey had heaved the dead-weight off into its final resting place with a sense of completion.

This was it. This was the best that they could do. Let the hands of fate fall where they may.

* * *

Rey had not broken down crying even once all day. She was proud about that.

The tears will come very soon, she knows. But not today. Today she's still too numb and in denial.

It had all been a blur. She had tried to do everything right, and that had left her with nothing but her own doubts.

They had to have fucked up. You can't kill someone without leaving a trail of clues. Especially when you're just two misguided lost souls like she and Kylo were.

After the burial, the one where Rey had watched but not watched as every inch of once-living flesh became covered up by ruddy dark earth, but after that Rey had dragged Kylo by his sleeve into their car. Then she'd picked a road, any road, and went as deep into the Gila mountains as she could.

It was an odd sort of place. Over the passage of time, clearly people had tired to live here, but they never managed to succeed. And now it was a barely maintained preserve that held gods only knows how many secrets.

One more now, right?

Rey had left their nighttime resting spot with a silent vow of bone-deep resignation. She needed the silence just as much as she needed the rare moment of complete privacy.

If she was going to break down, she was going to do it alone. Then she would come back to her other half and surrender to her fate.

But she didn't feel like she was going to break, at least not completely. Fragment, perhaps.

What she does feel is something very different and new to her. Whatever happened back there changed something in her. Now when she reaches deep and dark down in herself…

She feels like she will be okay.

Somehow, someway, against all the odds. Against everything, she knows that they survive this. This won't be the end of them.

* * *

It's evening now.

Rey closes her eyes and leans against the trunk of the tall pine trees. She takes a deep breath and holds it in, waiting until her lungs begin to ache before letting it all go.

The air smells familiar. Crisp and clean and earthy in all the right ways. The sweet tanginess of pine resin offsetting the now deeply ingrained aroma of silt and cooling rock. There's a faint breeze pulling at her, and it's warm and soothing with none of the scorching sear that the gusts of lower elevations bring.

It's wrong how perfect this is.

Nothing should be so perfect, not anymore. This shouldn't feel like just another night out on the road. What a difference 24 hours can make.

Rey opens her eyes. The sun is setting to a warm amber, and the first hints of a brilliant evening are starting to color the sky. She wants to go back to Kylo and share this sunset with him. It could be their last. Every day could now be their last, couldn't it?

She stares down at herself, frowning at the the rust colored gunk that's still under her fingernails. She could be put in prison for the rest of her life just from that one fact alone.

Instead of turning back, she starts to walk. There's enough time if she goes in a roundabout circle back to camp, and she's starting to scare herself with how anesthetized she feels to all of this. Kylo will either make her emotions much worse or much better. There's no halfway with him, he's always one extreme or the other.

The deer path that she's been following bends and ambles, and takes her slowly up the side of the mountain then down into a tiny little valley. No, not even a valley, more of a small open field that follows along a creek.

Oh. A creek. Rey picks up her pace, rushing over to it and sinking her fingers deep into the surprisingly cool water. She doesn't have any soap with her, but she tries to dig out under her nails with a little twig and scour at her skin with the sand at the bottom.

That won't save her. Forensics could still catch her. But it makes Rey feel better, even only a little bit, and that helps so much. Even the tiniest of improvements help.

And something catches her eye when she looks up. It's an old metal… thing. It looks like the handle to some sort of tool, but it's badly rusted and whatever it had once been attached to is now long disintegrated.

It's nothing. Just a piece of junk. But it's enough to peak Rey's curiosity. She starts to follow up the creek, being mindful of the approaching evening, but wanting to see what's beyond the next bend.

If she gets arrested tomorrow, she'll regret not knowing what's beyond that bend.

When she gets there, she finds an old building. Like a cabin made out of concrete or maybe some sort of odd storage bunker. Whatever it once was is long gone, at least by several decades. The roof has completely blown away or collapsed, and all that remains are a few of the walls and what looks like an old chimney.

Of course Rey goes in, dipping her head low past fallen beams and feeling grateful there's no broken glass on the cracked concrete floor. She pets the chimney column, as silly as that is, and smiles.

It's still solid. No matter how old it is, it could still be used for a fire today. A hundred years from now, it will still be here even if she won't. There's something strangely reassuring with that. Even in the shadow of death, life goes on.

And there's graffiti, of course, but not too much of it. Not too many visitors have come by over the years since the owners abandoned this place. Why did they leave? It reminds her of that old ghost town they stopped at so many days ago.

Maybe that's why she had felt compelled to walk here, to this random place? There has to be so many mysteries and stories that the building wants her to hear. Maybe she's losing her mind, or maybe she's gone back to being happy to be alive again.

Rey goes through the rooms, all three of them. They're filled with scattered bits of nothing, some much more recent than others. She knows she should go back soon and be with Kylo. Give him comfort and get it much-needed in return.

Just as she's about to go, a heart carved into the wall draws her eye. Captures her attention just like that piece of metal by the stream did. She bends down to inspect it, sweeping old leaves and dust out of the way.

'J + C', nineteen-sevety-something," she says out loud.

The final number has been lost to time just like the people who wrote it. Gods, she wasn't even born then. How odd to think about all the lives that came before her and will be after.

Were they happy? This couple who found their way here so long ago? Did they stay together forever and get married and have children and are now living a peaceful and easy retirement? Are they still out there, somewhere?

Rey hopes so. She doesn't know why she cares, but now she desperately hopes that these two names of strangers had a happy ending. She badly still needs to believe in happy endings.

A cough comes from behind her.

Rey turns, looking over her shoulder. Kylo is there, watching her with that same sad, unreadable expression that he had for the whole entire day.

She needs to tell him that he did enough. That's she not mad. No, in fact she's grateful. Defeated, but grateful.

She pats at the floor next to her and he crouches down, furrowing his brow and trying to find what she had been watching so attentively. He glances at the heart and raises an eyebrow. It doesn't captivate his attention like it had hers.

So she takes the time to look at him. Really look at him. Considers the sharp lines of his bold profile. He's stunning. Perfect yet flawed.

This is _it_. This is the man who now shares her fate. She doesn't know him, and yet she knows him completely.

"Kylo?" her voice is thin with forgotten emotions.

He smiles at her. It's a weak smile, but more than she could bring from herself right now. And it's sweet how he does it for no other reason than she deigned to give him her attention.

"Rey?" he asks. Nothing more than her name, and yet she knows at that moment he would do anything for her. Destroy himself or destroy the word or save himself and save the world. Do it all to make her happy.

"I love you."

She's never said that to another living person. Her breath catches in her throat as soon as the words leave her lips.

Kylo looks down at her, every emotion on his face slipping away.

He doesn't think that she means it. She does.

She does, but she can't bring herself to kiss him. Not now, when she's so emotionally brittle. But she takes his hand in her own and he lets her weave their fingers together.

"I love you, Kylo," she says again, forcing herself to breathe in and out so deeply. She's walking the line between two opposing emotions. The slightest sign of rejection from Kylo could devastate her.

He keeps her waiting too long. She presses her eyes shut and feels herself start to unravel.

Then he stops her decent by the warm press of his lips against her temple.

"I will never deserve you, Rey," he finally whispers.

It's true. He won't. But she loves him so much anyhow. It doesn't matter that he didn't say it back.

She lets him take her into his arms. Holding her tight and protecting her from the chill in the air and everything that is wrong with the world.

"No matter what happens," she murmurs into his neck, "promise me that we'll stick together. That's we'll make it through somehow."

It's an empty and doomed promise, but she needs to hear it regardless.

Kylo swallows, and Rey traces the movements of his throat with her eyes

"Yes, Rey," he swears. "We'll be okay. I promise that I'll make this right."

Even if it's a lie, it makes her feel a little better. A little bit whole again.

Rey finally smiles, even though she has nothing to smile about. Then she holds him even closer and lets the rest of the evening fade away into a background hum.


	18. update

Author's note:

Hi everyone! This fic has recently gotten a resurgence of questions about it both here and on my Tumblr so I thought that I should give a PSA on what's going on with it. Well, I originally had a huge and detailed outline for this that would have taken it to maybe 35-40 chapters. Unfortunately when I first started this over a year ago I really didn't know what I was doing so the plot completely got out of hand and I've decided that it's best to start all over again and redo it. At some point in the next few months I hope to start working and posting the rewrite and when I do I'll take down this old and discontinued version then. Hopefully some of the subscribers here will follow it over, so please be on the lookout for Skies 2.0 (which will probably have the same title since I'm rather attached to this one).

Until then, everyone is welcome to drop me a line at ava-dalo at tumblr . I always love getting prompts or requests or just chatting so don't be shy! :)


	19. announcement

Alright, at long last I've just started the new version of this! Stranger to Blue Waters is going to be a 12 chapter 'Skies 2.0' reboot that's going to be part of a trilogy. I can't link to it directly here since this site doesn't allow that, but you'll find it under my profile. I hope you all check it out and enjoy it! The first chapter is very similar to the original here, and then it's going to take off shortly in it's own parallel direction!


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